GENERAL: Whats the latest news on the pilots?
CAPTAIN: The news is mixed I'm afraid. Both managed to bail out, but they were captured by hostiles.
GENERAL: Do we have a location for them?
CAPTAIN: They have been taken to a hill top fortress not far from where they went down
GENERAL: Lets get a team in there straight away and get them boys home
CAPTAIN: Its underway as we speak
GENERAL: Excellent I want our top operatives on it.
CAPTAIN: That could be a problem sir
GENERAL: What the hell do you mean by that?
CAPTAIN: Last year there were complaints about discrimination in the special forces.
GENERAL: That's just ridiculous. They have members from all ethnic backgrounds and there is also a female presence.
CAPTAIN: The complaints were made mostly by obese people and a few were made by people with disabilities.
GENERAL: Fat people complained about not being in the special forces. I thought that was someones idea of a joke.
CAPTAIN: No It's deadly serious. The president has given his unconditional support. In a recent poll It found that fifty per cent of our population is overweight. Our leader does not want to be seen to be discriminating against half the population, so every branch of our defence forces is actively recruiting fat people.
GENERAL: You're telling me a load of slobs are being sent to get our pilots out.
CAPTAIN: We have to give them a chance now that we recruited them.
GENERAL: Will they be able to handle mountainous terrain?
CAPTAIN: Their officer says that in the Swiss Alps when climbers get into difficulty a Saint Bernard is dispatched to guide them home. He says his men are the human equivalents of that particular animal.
GENERAL: Slow, slobbering, overweight. That comparison does not fill me with confidence.
CAPTAIN: I agree sir. The other units are calling them The Expandables.
GENERAL: Have they got a plan?
CAPTAIN: We don't have ropes strong enough for them to climb up to the fortress. There is a road up the mountain but their leader says its too tiring to walk up, so he wants to be dropped at the actual fortress gate. This of course eliminates the element of surprise.
GENERAL: I have a feeling our enemy will be surprised when they see a load of fat people with guns getting out of a helicopter. They might think it's some type of hidden camera show. They might laugh so much, these idiots might actually pull this off. Realistically they need to observe the enemy for a day or two before they go in.
CAPTAIN: I agree but we don't have a chopper big enough for them and two days of their rations. These people have serious appetites.
GENERAL: That does it, they are not going in. We will save them for something more suitable like terrorists holding people hostage in Mcdonalds. Get someone else for this job.
CAPTAIN: I will get the next unit on the list to do the job, but we will have to get some close up photos of the fortress before we give them the go ahead.
GENERAL: Why do you need to do that?
CAPTAIN: To make sure the building is wheel chair accessible
GENERAL: Oh for gods sake don't bother just send in the fatties