Understanding the Game of Golf

Understanding the Game of Golf

(3m)   by Thom Goddard
 

Comedy Monologues   (61571 Views 103 Comments)

This skit is also known as "THE GOLF PARADOX" - enjoy:

I don't understand golf.

The entire point of golf is to play as little golf as possible.˜

To make as few shots as possible.˜

The more shots you take, the worse you are.

The fewer shots you take, the better you are.

So the people who play the least golf are the best ones at it.

And the people who play the most golf are the worst ones at it.

Unlike other sports, people get paid millions of dollars for being able to play less golf than other people.˜

In football, basketball or tennis, the best pros are the ones who score the most.

If you want to get paid to play golf you have to be able to score less than other players. To take fewer shots.
To play less than other players.

As I put my ball on the tee, take a step back and look at the fairway ahead,˜I realise I don't play enough golf.˜

And here's the thing: if you don't play enough golf you will never get better at playing golf.

So by not playing enough golf, you will never be good enough to play as little golf as possible.

After the swing and seeing my ball disappear into the trees again, one thing is clear......

I don't like golf.

Comedy Type: Humor Type: Script Length: Post date: Script Market:
Public
Permission for use:
Permission required

Author's Message

Please contact me through iComedyTV if you want to use this script. No contact = no permission

Copyright Statement

Funny👍

Oscar Goddard


Comments

   

Submitted by Joe Piqqoloni (not verified) on Fri, 04/22/2016 - 23:07
Can I use your script in a youtube video
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Sat, 04/23/2016 - 03:35
@Joe - no problem but you must put my name in the information under the film. Cheers
Submitted by Nochainz on Sun, 04/24/2016 - 23:27
can i use your scrip ?
Submitted by firepower on Sun, 05/08/2016 - 00:25
I my names at the top of the thingy thing but thats not my real name so nvm. I wanted to know if I could use your script for a school drama project thingy thing due for tommorow? (Btw, do you think anyone would ever actually call their child 'firepower'.)
Submitted by KaelynMH on Sun, 05/08/2016 - 12:42
Hi! May I use your script in a comedy routine for my public speaking class?
Submitted by Chris (not verified) on Mon, 05/23/2016 - 08:33
Hi Thom, May I use your script for my school talent show? Thank you.
Submitted by Foofenschcoops (not verified) on Mon, 05/23/2016 - 13:39
This is great
Submitted by Foofenschcoops (not verified) on Mon, 05/23/2016 - 14:02
May I use this for an audition?
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Mon, 05/23/2016 - 20:53
@Chris - please do use it and I hope you do well.
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Mon, 05/23/2016 - 20:57
@Foofenschcoops - please do and I hope you get the job.
Submitted by Chris (not verified) on Tue, 05/24/2016 - 09:52
Do you have any skits for Elementary school aged kids with two people acting in it? Thanks
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Tue, 05/24/2016 - 18:48
@Chris - loads in my profile. Most popular for 2 people are: What Watt Where Ware: http://www.icomedytv.com/Comedy-Scripts/Funny/View/Script/409/What-Watt-Where-Ware.aspx Dissecting The Chicken Joke: http://www.icomedytv.com/Comedy-Scripts/Funny/View/S
Submitted by Michael (not verified) on Sat, 05/28/2016 - 06:07
ld like to know if I could use this monologue ill mention you on my page on instagram
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Mon, 05/30/2016 - 20:03
@Michael - no problem, enjoy!
Submitted by superduper (not verified) on Wed, 06/08/2016 - 23:26
Hey Thom was just wandering if I could use you script, I'm trying to get into QUT with it
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Thu, 06/09/2016 - 04:52
@superduper - the "uni for the real world"? Nice. Use it and good luck
Submitted by Cassie (not verified) on Sun, 06/19/2016 - 03:52
May I have permission to use this monologue at a talent showcase?
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Sun, 06/19/2016 - 19:05
@Cassie - please do and shine.
Submitted by Chris (not verified) on Tue, 07/19/2016 - 16:01
Hi Thom, This is perfect! May I use it for an audition?
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Tue, 07/19/2016 - 22:40
@Chris - please do and I hope you get the job!
Submitted by Jacob Downey (not verified) on Wed, 08/03/2016 - 03:43
Can I please use this monologue in an audition? Thank you!
Submitted by peachytiffers on Wed, 08/03/2016 - 03:49
Can I please use this monologue in an audition? Thank you!
Submitted by camson on Tue, 08/23/2016 - 12:55
Hi Thom, May I use your script for a talent audition? I have searched through many and yours are quite good!
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Tue, 08/23/2016 - 20:30
@Cams - 'quite good'? With flattery like that how can I say "No". Of course you can.
Submitted by Ashlynn (not verified) on Wed, 09/07/2016 - 15:00
I have a play addition tomorrow and this is perfect may I use it
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Wed, 09/07/2016 - 20:33
@Ashlynn - sure, hope you get the part.
Submitted by Kevin Sheridan (not verified) on Tue, 11/01/2016 - 12:13
I was wondering if I can use this for a school presentation?
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Tue, 11/01/2016 - 19:16
@Kevin - sure and good luck
Submitted by Andrew (not verified) on Mon, 11/28/2016 - 10:33
Can I use your script for a school drama project?
Submitted by savanahh (not verified) on Mon, 11/28/2016 - 16:34
con I use this for my school presentation?
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Mon, 11/28/2016 - 18:01
@Andrew & savanahh - no problem, enjoy!
Submitted by Trev M (not verified) on Wed, 12/28/2016 - 11:31
Can I please use this monologue for an audition that I have for my High School musical?
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Wed, 12/28/2016 - 18:50
@Trev - do use it and i hope you get the part!
Submitted by c m allan (not verified) on Sun, 01/01/2017 - 07:25
I have an agent audition end of Jan. Can I use this golf monologue please?
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Mon, 01/02/2017 - 18:00
@C M - sure, good luck!
Submitted by makayla (not verified) on Tue, 01/10/2017 - 14:30
can i use this for a scholarship audition ??
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Tue, 01/10/2017 - 17:49
@makayla - do use it and I hope it helps you get the scholarship.
Submitted by Ari (not verified) on Wed, 01/18/2017 - 10:25
Can I use this for my speech class we are giving joke speeches that tell a story
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Wed, 01/18/2017 - 18:14
@Ari - of course, I hope everyone enjoys it.
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Wed, 01/25/2017 - 21:54
@Jennie - that is fine and I hope they do well.
Submitted by jaimiles on Wed, 05/17/2017 - 18:09
Loved the piece - can I use it as an example in an undergraduate research study on humor?
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Thu, 05/18/2017 - 09:26
@jaimiles - sure, let me know the conclusions (only if they're good... ; )
Submitted by flatlands on Sun, 06/04/2017 - 00:56
Would it be possible to use this piece for an outdoor radio drama style comedy night? It will be free for the community audience. We will be thanking the authors through our MC at the beginning of the evening. Thank you for considering our request. flatlands theatre company
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Wed, 06/07/2017 - 01:36
@flatlands - that's great, enjoy!
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Fri, 08/18/2017 - 13:28
@ILaffwithU - you want to use this throughout the whole year? I'm not sure about that but please use it in your speech class and give credit if needed.
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Sun, 08/20/2017 - 12:47
@ILaffwithU - yeah, sure you have permission to use this in a "local and national levels" competition and I can't wait to see my credit @TheThomGoddard on Facebook or @ThomGodd on Twitter. God bless!
Submitted by audreypop_9648 on Wed, 09/13/2017 - 10:27
Can I please use your script for a school project please I just broke my arm and missed when he gave us the assignment so this is the go to script that I found and I love it. Thanks for your time!
Submitted by Melanie Deprest on Wed, 09/13/2017 - 19:36
Hello! This monologue fits my personality very well. May I use it to audition with? Thank you!
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Wed, 09/13/2017 - 23:32
@audreypop - nothing like being the "go to script"! Of course you can, enjoy!
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Wed, 09/13/2017 - 23:33
@Melanie - please do. If any of the auditions find themselves online please send me a link as I love to see this performed brilliantly.
Submitted by Imtryinggg on Fri, 01/12/2018 - 19:41
Can I use this in an audition possibly?
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Tue, 02/27/2018 - 13:10
@Imtryinggg - of course, I hope you get the part. Good luck!
Submitted by Taylorakamel_10639 on Tue, 08/21/2018 - 21:16
Can I use your script for an audition?
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Tue, 08/21/2018 - 23:34
@Taylorakamel - sure, no problem
Submitted by NightShade on Sun, 11/25/2018 - 11:52
Can I use the chicken dissecting script for a talent show. Please let me know as soon as possible. If you can please tell me at this email: stoutke@pdc.k12.wi.us (If you can't it is fine).
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Sun, 11/25/2018 - 12:54
Hi Nightshade, That's cool, you can use it. There is no fee. Please give credit and if the show is put up on Youtube or elsewhere online please send me the link. All best, Thom
Submitted by John Jacobson on Tue, 01/08/2019 - 15:49
Hey Thom, do you mind if I use this script for my IE speaking class?
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Tue, 01/08/2019 - 22:50
@John Jacobson - no problem. Make 'em laugh!
Submitted by trudy on Wed, 02/06/2019 - 15:59
Can one of my drama students perform this piece at a Speech and Drama Eisteddfod? Thanks
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Wed, 02/06/2019 - 22:47
@trudy - no problem. Let me know how it goes. All best, Thom
Submitted by Logan Phillips on Mon, 03/25/2019 - 14:04
Hey Thom Great script. I would like to use it for an audition. Let me know if this would be alright! Thank you, peace
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Tue, 03/26/2019 - 00:19
@Logan - sure, no problem. Hope it helps you win the part!
Submitted by kid_called_munchkin on Tue, 03/26/2019 - 21:32
Hi, May I use this monologue for a speech meet in my school district? Thank you very much. I enjoyed this monologue because i played golf before and experienced all the same problems.
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Wed, 03/27/2019 - 01:49
@kid - absolutely. Good luck!
Submitted by Richele Brady on Mon, 04/08/2019 - 17:43
May I use your comedy routine at a comedy club's open mic night?
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Wed, 05/08/2019 - 10:23
@Richele - that's no problem. If it's recorded or broadcast please give credit. Good luck!
Submitted by larsenj_11417 on Wed, 05/08/2019 - 10:12
I would like to use your golf speech for a middle school speech contest for my son. We will identify you as the author. Let me know
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Wed, 05/08/2019 - 10:24
@Larsenj - sure thing. Best of luck to him.
Submitted by galacticstardus... on Thu, 05/30/2019 - 14:33
Can I use your script for a school talent show?
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Thu, 05/30/2019 - 23:34
@GS - sure, best of luck with it and make 'em laugh!
Submitted by Logan.machacek_11914 on Tue, 07/30/2019 - 18:59
I lost a fantasy football league so have to do a stand up comedy skit...Can I use this script?
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Wed, 07/31/2019 - 01:23
@Logan - no problem. Enjoy!
Submitted by patandrichard_11943 on Tue, 08/06/2019 - 14:59
Hi Thom, Love the golf paradox! My 12 year old grandson would like to use it for an audition for a play he is in. Would that be okay? Thank you for the laughs! Richard
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Wed, 08/07/2019 - 05:50
Hi Richard, of course! Best of luck with the audition, Thom
Submitted by randomwriterfro... on Sat, 08/24/2019 - 06:58
Hi thomgoddard, I was wondering if I could use this as an audition piece for a comedy show at my school? Would this be ok?
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Sun, 08/25/2019 - 05:15
@random - no problem. Good luck and hope this helps you get the part, Thom
Submitted by Sydmars12_12168 on Fri, 10/18/2019 - 20:01
Can I please use this acre or for a competition/workshop?
Submitted by Sydmars12_12168 on Sun, 10/20/2019 - 11:51
Can I please use this for a competition/workshop
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Mon, 10/21/2019 - 05:43
@Sydmars - of course! Best of luck with it, Thom
Submitted by missduggan_12310 on Sat, 12/14/2019 - 14:50
Hey, can I use this for my schools talent show?
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Mon, 12/16/2019 - 06:36
@missduggan - sure, no problem. You show 'em!
Submitted by Annette Pholi-S... on Tue, 01/14/2020 - 20:18
May I use this for my acting class, we have to perform a short comedy scene next week?
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Wed, 01/15/2020 - 06:56
@Annette - absolutely. Use it, enjoy it and make others love it. Good luck!
Submitted by arpjt_12429 on Thu, 01/30/2020 - 10:13
I'd like to use this monologue in a pageant, please. Thanks :)
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Thu, 01/30/2020 - 11:55
@arpjt - absolutely, use it. And best of luck with the pageant!
Submitted by green100 on Sun, 02/02/2020 - 12:22
May I use this monologue for my acting class? I'm auditioning to be in a show in a week.
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Mon, 02/03/2020 - 04:57
@green - of course. Best of luck and hope this helps you get the part.
Submitted by ak121111 on Mon, 03/30/2020 - 11:10
Hi can I use this script for my middle school class?
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Mon, 03/30/2020 - 23:57
Hi Ak121111 (or can I just call you Ak?), please do use it to make people smile in these crazy times. All best, Thom
Submitted by ak121111 on Tue, 03/31/2020 - 13:32
Ak is fine. Someone already used this, and I can no longer use this but do you have any other recommendations for comedy monologues that are about 2-5 minutes long.
Submitted by ak121111 on Tue, 03/31/2020 - 13:32
Ak is fine. Someone already used this, and I can no longer use this but do you have any other recommendations for comedy monologues that are about 2-5 minutes long.
Submitted by hellothere on Sat, 04/11/2020 - 05:47
hey do you mind if I use your script
Submitted by hellothere on Sat, 04/11/2020 - 05:47
hey do you mind if I use your script
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Sat, 04/11/2020 - 10:22
@hellothere - shouldn't be a problem. What are you using it for? Please direct message me the details. Cheers
Submitted by Stephanie A Vermeer on Mon, 01/11/2021 - 13:48
Can my daughter please use this script for an audition?
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Tue, 01/12/2021 - 02:09
Hi, absolutely, good luck!
Submitted by sovereignindivi... on Mon, 09/06/2021 - 22:58
Hi, thomgoddard ... amazing script ! Can I Use the same for my youtube channel? I certainly would give credits to you in the description
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Mon, 09/06/2021 - 23:39
@sovereignindivi - Thank you and, yeah, that's absolutely fine. Please give credit in writing as "Written by Thom Goddard". There is no fee. Best of luck!
Submitted by sovereignindivi... on Tue, 09/07/2021 - 04:38
Thanks! Appreciate it Sire! https://youtu.be/JlUs-D0r320 Please let me know what you think of it... Warm Regards, Sovereign Individual
Submitted by Old Man Opie on Tue, 09/21/2021 - 07:26
Can I use your script for a YouTube Video? I will give you credit in the info about the video as well as at the end of the video itself. Opie
Submitted by kanwaln520_15626 on Thu, 03/17/2022 - 12:34
can i use this ?
Submitted by Thom Goddard on Fri, 03/18/2022 - 03:28
Hi, Of course. Please look at your DMs so we can sort it. All best and good luck! Thom
Submitted by kanwaln520_15626 on Sat, 03/19/2022 - 07:55
can i use this ?

3m Comedy Monologues - Understanding the Game of Golf