(3m)   by restisaweapon

Comedy Monologues   (40734 Views 3 Comments)

Well?here I am?. the dreaded beginning of the retirement years.

Some of us want to finish with a bang in a retirement party.

But I think most will try to slip quietly out the back door and hope no one notices. Because none of us want to be recognised as retired?.old?smoldering senior citizens.

Like my wife, she was offered her first senior?s discount the other day. Uh huh!

Looking back at the young lady making the kind offer of money.

In that moment she couldn?t decide whether to appreciate the $5 savings,

Or back hand the little tramp and drag her over to customer service for a

?Do I look 55?!? chat.

Linda turned 55 a while ago and managed to go unnoticed for six months.

Happily living under the radar until this young lady recognized she was from Seniorville.

I?m glad that happened because it wasn?t such a shock for me when I finally got the offer.

I just took it in stride, thanked the lady for the savings, went out to my car and broke down in private.

There I am, sitting in my car wondering how much longer I?ll be allowed to drive. They say time goes fast, but not always.

I can remember when I was a kid, time moved slowly.
"Are we there yet" "How many sleeps until Christmas?"
Bedtime came too quickly, but the rest just took so long.
Getting through school, waiting for that driver?s license,
I couldn't wait to grow up and get on with my life.
Then you start growing up and things begin to change.

It starts like in your 20?s; you notice your friends are all getting married.

But it?s the 30?s that wake you up.

Because now you?re a young old person and you can see 40 coming like a train.

And when 40 hits it can be a bit too much for some of us.
They call it mid life crisis.
Youth has left a while ago

Your panicking wife finds her new best friend is life insurance
Good thing cuz you just bought yourself a motorcycle.

Dying your hair helps buy some time

But tick tock, you can feel it passing

Comedy Type: Script Length: Post date: Script Market:

Author's Message

Good for aging audience

Copyright Statement



Submitted by Judith Zuckerman (not verified) on Sat, 10/25/2014 - 15:31
Would like some Monolouges on retirement and or aging in Fla. I am in an acting group in a community center & the Director will audition for the best or funniest monolouges. He even would welcome poems on the same topic.
Submitted by Grafie on Fri, 03/06/2015 - 01:13
Hi, Could I have the full "Retirement" script and your permission to use it for my first monologue in my acting class?
Submitted by Sue Pope (not verified) on Wed, 06/01/2016 - 07:09
I would like to use this script as part of a program for our alumni homecoming in the fall. Small group of maybe 150 to 200 people. Thank you. Think it would fit there perfectly.

3m Comedy Monologues - Retirement