(2m)   by Skyler McKinnon

Comedy Monologues   (59271 Views 19 Comments)

I happen to be a super white, extremely pale, ghostly....well, there are many names i've been called because of my "whiteness". Everywhere I go i see other white people and they're never as pale as I am! They always have a little bit of tan....or alot...(some of them look like they're trying to be those noisy Italians off of jersey shore.)

I hate it when people walk up to me and say "Do you tan?" I mean seriously! Do I look like I tan? Asking if I tan is like asking a homeless guy if he vacations in Europe, has a gold card, and what a nice house warming gift might be.

I'm so pale, I blend in with the weather....people can't see me when it snows, when it's foggy, or when it's sunny! If the sun's too bright, it tends to reflect off my sometimes I don't know weather people can't look at me cuz i'm too bright...or if i'm just that ugly.

Nomatter what I do, everyone tends to notice how pale I am. I could be unicycling down the street while juggling babies and all anyone would say is....."oh my gosh! look at how pale she is!......that remind me, i need to buy some milk. :/ I finally found out something I have in common with the black guy down the street.....when he smiles, his teeth are as white as my skin! Makes everything so much better :)


Comedy Type: Script Length: Post date: Script Market:

Author's Message

I think that it takes a true comedian to be able to make fun of themselves and put it on display for others to enjoy. I hope you like this monologue!

Copyright Statement



Submitted by Hitchy on Sun, 11/13/2011 - 02:37
Hey Skyler! This is a wonderful monologue, I also love "Do I Know You?"! I was wondering if I could use them for practice with my acting coach, it's sort of like an audition but not totally. Again, love the monologues & thanks for posting (:
Submitted by Skyler McKinnon on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 02:42
Hey Caroline! Thank you so much! I'm ever so glad you enjoyed my monologues! hahaha i'd be honored for you to use them. Keep laughing, Skyler.
Submitted by Juliet (not verified) on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 02:46
Hi Skyler. My name is Juliet and I just wanted to say this is such a great monologue. I was wondering if I could use it for a college audition for their musical theatre program. (It works too, because I am so pale in the first place.) :)
Submitted by Andre' (not verified) on Thu, 02/02/2012 - 22:46
This was pretty funny but the girls on here asking to use a comedy script that you put your time into to wright is kind of lame and unoriginal on their part. oh and please record you saying this on on you-tube so you can get the recognition you deserve I guarantee you'll get views. .
Submitted by Daphne (not verified) on Fri, 02/03/2012 - 11:26
Dont worry im pale too! haha
Submitted by Skyler McKinnon on Tue, 02/07/2012 - 02:22
Hey Juliet! If you choose to use this, I don't mind. Keep laughing! <3 Skyler. Thanks Andre, i will make a note of that. :) Daphne, haha That's good to know!! I'm glad i'm not alone.
Submitted by Nikki (not verified) on Thu, 02/16/2012 - 08:15
Hey Skyler, could I use this for an audition? The theaters just a small home-town thing, not really professional..this really is an awesome comedic monologue!
Submitted by cyonteck on Thu, 04/05/2012 - 11:22
Hi Skylar, I was wondering if I could use you monologue for my acting class. I think it is a really good piece and would love to preform it!
Submitted by Skyler McKinnon on Sun, 04/08/2012 - 01:33
Hey guys! Sorry for the late reply! Thanks Nikki, and Emmalynn! I'm glad you enjoyed it! I would love for you guys to use my monologue! Keep laughing! <3 Skyler.
Submitted by Jacqui (not verified) on Wed, 04/18/2012 - 11:19
Hey Skyler great monologue! I happen to be the palest person in my big Italian family (including my Irish side too!) so I can relate. Can I use this monologue for my Theatre Class Final?
Submitted by Taylor (not verified) on Fri, 07/20/2012 - 06:31
Could I use this for a workshop audition I'm doing this summer?
Submitted by Erick (not verified) on Sun, 11/04/2012 - 13:31
Hey umm i would really like to use this for a monologue im preforming tomorrow. can i have your permission :P
Submitted by Sam p (not verified) on Fri, 02/22/2013 - 17:48
I'm black, and I thought it would be so hilarious if I said this monologue at an audition, so I was hoping if that would be okay :)
Submitted by Olivia Holly (not verified) on Fri, 03/15/2013 - 05:29
hey can i use this for my school's comedy show?
Submitted by Skyler McKinnon on Sat, 07/27/2013 - 03:40
I'd be honored for y'all to use my monologue! Take it and make the world laugh!! Keep smiling!! Love and rockets, Skyler.
Submitted by Diana (not verified) on Tue, 10/22/2013 - 11:44
Hey, I've beer looking for a good monologue for my theater class for about an hour and I stumbled upon this and I thought it was so perfect! May I use this? Pretty please?
Submitted by Angelgaby19 on Tue, 11/04/2014 - 15:37
Hello! I just happened to stumble across this post and was wondering if I could use it as a monologue for my theatre class?
Submitted by Samantha (not verified) on Mon, 01/12/2015 - 14:10
Hi , I have to perform a monologue in drama class and I was wondering if It would be okay if I used this one ?
Submitted by Savannah (not verified) on Tue, 04/05/2016 - 15:37
Hi! I really love your monologue, and I was wondering if I could use it to audition for my school talent show?

2m Comedy Monologues - Pale