Moving to LA

Moving to LA

(3m)   by Jack Neely

Comedy Monologues   (18784 Views 0 Comments)

I’m from Boston but I go to college out in LA. Though it’s not really even LA, we are like 30 miles outside the city. I realized driving out of LA is kinda like catching up with an old friend, sometimes it's fun and it’s over before you know it but usually, you realize you aren’t moving anywhere and you have been surrounded by a bunch of assholes. (Alt joke) I like to think that being outside the city here is like being a 3rd string QB. Although we both sit on the sidelines when you’re talking to girls all that matters is that you are on the goddamn team. I actually live with a few guys on the football team at school, and I’m around 6 foot 5 so walking around with them I’m sometimes confused with a player myself. Usually, I just say no and that's the end of it but one time a philosophy professor of mine told me that I was a waste of body size. Some pretty harsh words coming from a guy who dedicated his life to the musing of dead white dudes. What a freakin’ Kant.

What’s maybe worse than driving in LA is probably the redeye I take back home. I’m not really sure what's worst about red-eyes, the fact that you are stuck sitting upright in a flying metal tube overnight or for those of us that fly Spirit, knowing that your pilot probably gets more sleep than you do. Everything about Spirit is just a little off, I mean, look at their motto “Less money, more go” I’m pretty sure my foreign Uber driver said those exact words to me when he explained why he stopped driving for Lyft. “Eh Idk man, It was less money, more go.” Anyway, I try just about anything to make the red-eyes less painful, Netflix, music, podcasts even. Before I knew what NyQuil was, last year, I was heavy on the melatonin supplements. One flight my buddy just gave me some melatonin gummies, before takeoff, I unscrewed the bottle and kinda popped like 6 in my mouth. The guy sitting next to me was like you better buckle up kid, at first I thought he was some self-righteous safety expert when I realized he probably thought I took a few too many edibles.

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Unfinished bit about me moving to CA for college. Let me know what you think, what made you laugh/what didn't.

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1 Person 3m Comedy Monologues - Moving to LA