Joe the Inkeater

Joe the Inkeater

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Comedy Monologues   (721 Views 0 Comments)

Now, when I was in school, I'm what's called a smart kid. To properly get into this story, we will first need to define the term "smart kid." The smart kid is the kid in class that gets good grades effortlessly, but isn't a nerd, and is just smart or Asian. (a/n note, i am asian. i am allowed to make this joke.)

In primary school, the "smart kids" would have their own class. It was weird, but it just became normal after a while.

Anyway, the thing about that class was that because everyone was smart, you didn't encounter stupid as much as you normally would in the average classroom setting. I mean, there were kids who probably chewed water here and there, but nothing too stupid. But then, in secondary school the average IQ of everyone dropped to the negatives, which was astounding since IQs on negative values aren't even possible. This thing is, in junior high school they dropped the system, so kids like me who watched History Channel for fun were mixed in with kids who drank soup like it was lasagna. 

Now I'd just like to clarify that there's nothing wrong if you're barely scraping by school. Some of the less "smart" kids were pretty chill. The kids I refer to here are beyond academic "stupid" and are by all meaning of the word, stupid.

We'll start with this kid we'll call Joe. Now, in junior high, the budget was really low, and I mean really low. We literally got sent outside to eat, like a bunch of animals. But honestly, we were so stupid you would have a hard time picking us out out of a group of animals. You'd need to ask yourself, "wait a minute--that's a child?" (a/n, these kids weren't mentally disabled. they were of average intelligence iq wise, and had no disabilities whatsoever.)

Anyway, as we ate outside, I see Joe taking apart his pen, which was normal considering we were 11. So i go up and say, "whatcha doing with that pen joe?" expecting a normal answer like pretending it was a gun.

instead he says, "im punishing it. it's name is jamal and its a pervert."

Okay then joe. i think to myself. I was still intrigued at joe and his pen forging skills, so i hang around so watch. 

Joe looks up. "do you think i can drink this pen ink?" he asks. 

Now, i was a nerd. I watched documentaries and read National Geographic constantly. So i start, "well yes joe, you can however--" and before i can even finish telling him about the kidney infection he'll probably get, joe takes the pen barrel and starts sipping it like a straw. i stare in disbelief as he slowly but surely, finishes drinking the pen ink, making sure to get every drop.

"but why joe? why?" i ask, stunned.

"maybe the ink will hurt me enough that i can go home." 

and with that phrase, all actions have been explained perfectly reasonably.

Honestly, the way he drank his ink reminded me of an anteater. You know how anteater will suck up ants? his inkeating reminded me of that. 

From that point on, i always referred to him as "Joe the Inkeater," And in case you're curious, he never did go home, or get a kidney infection.

Comedy Type: Humor Type: Comedy Scene:
1 Person
Post date: Script Market:
Public
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Author's Message

tbh i might do what joe did and chug pen ink cause school :T

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1 Person Comedy Monologues - Joe the Inkeater