Sketch: Valentine's Day Pitch Session in the Technological Era Boss: All right everybody, thanks for making it out to this month's greeting card pitch session. I hope you all have some great ideas for us to throw around. This is a big month after all; February is when we rack in the big bucks with our favorite cupid's holiday. Remember, we're really going for the sweet and sensitive feel this time around. Steve, what have you got for us?
Steve: This one is a real tearjerker; I can barely get through the whole pitch without welling up. The front reads "My heart stops when I'm with you" with a big 'ole picture of a cartoon heart, and when it opens the reader then sees "The same way my heart stopped when I accidentally liked that picture of yours from 132 weeks back on Instagram".
Boss: Steve, I'm really not sure about that. It doesn't seem very heartfelt or touching, and remember that's our goal here. Okay Rebecca, how about you? What ideas do you have?
Rebecca: Okay, everyone, picture this: The front of the card shows a loving stick figure couple holding hands with the caption "You are my perfect match." And once you flip it open, the same two stick figure people are each on their cellphones with the words "So glad we made it past that first drunken Tinder hookup." Isn't that just darling?
Boss: I'm not sure you all are grasping the theme I was going for in holding this pitch meeting. We really are trying to up our sensitivity feel. Hallmark is our biggest competitor and they've got some stuff that could make John Cena sob like a six year old who wet the bed. Let's see what else we've got. Andrew?
Andrew: I totally understand what you're wanting from us Boss, and I know that this idea is the one.The front is emblazoned with a beautiful naturescape with two people far off in the distance, and inside it reads "I trust you enough to let you see my junk for 10 seconds on Snapchat." Sweet, simple, and to the point. That kind of raw emotion is what we need to publish.
Boss: Andrew...and everyone for that matter. These ideas are lewd and insensitive. The exact opposite of what I want. Where are the romantic rhymes? Where is the sentimental emotion? This is Valentine's Day, people. We need some sap!
Allison: I have exactly what we're looking for. And this one's got a rhyme! "Roses are red, violets are blue; that eggplant emoji has me falling for you."
Boss: Is there anyone here that doesn't reference some sort of social media facet in their cards? What ever happened to good old-fashioned romance?
Boss: Ah, sorry guys I just got a match on OkCupid, and she wants to grab coffee now. Meeting postponed until after lunch!