The White Kit
Written
By Dylan Wayne
Synopsis: TV infomercial selling an all in one kit to help make people of any color except white become whiter in times of unlawful arrest and prejudice that will help them get out of it.
Characters:
THE WHITE GUY: Like Vince Offer aka “The Shamwow guy”
LATIN VICTIM: Mexican labourer wearing the white kit
MUSILM VICTIM: Saudi businessman wearing the white kit.
VOICE
EXT.STORE FRONT.DAY
THE WHITE GUY stands behind a table in front a JCREW store with large boxes that read “The White Kit” stacked on the table.
WHITE GUY
Are you tired of being called politically incorrect terms that define your skin color or religion? Are you annoyed at constantly being suspected of carrying with intent to distribute? But you're not. Are you frustrated at always being accused of stealing jobs? Or accused of not getting one? Well be discriminated against no more! Whether or not President Trump ever acknowledges Charlottesville, we have a solution for you! Introducing “The White Kit” Complete with a voice modulator, doesn’t matter if you're an intimidating black man or just crossed the border, the modulator allows you to speak and sound like an insecure white republican! It also comes with a “Make America Great Again” hat, khaki pants, a blue blazer, and loafers! All for $19.99! That’s a $160 value for just $19.99! Don’t believe it! Listen to what these victims have to say!
CUT TO
EXT.ICE DETENTION CENTER.DAY
LATIN VICTIM stands outside the detention center.
LATIN VICTIM
Before I started using the white kit, I used to get called names and asked for my greencard by police and white people all the time, but now they smile at me walking down the street, and today, I get to pick up my kids from ICE.
CUT TO
INT.FIRST CLASS.PLANE.DAY
MUSLIM VICTIM sits comfortably on a first-class flight.
MUSLIM VICTIM
I am a business man, so I fly a lot, and before I started using the white kit, I would get searched before I could even check in for my flight, but once I started using it, I was able to get approved for the TSA precheck, and now I don’t even need to remove my shoes, laptop or any liquids from my bag!
CUT TO
EXT.STORE FRONT.DAY
WHITE GUY
Amazing right!! You cannot get this deal anywhere else It's made in Germany, everybody knows the Germans make good stuff, am I right? If you call within the next twenty minutes I will even throw in this special miracle cream called “Jackson Shine” For free!! It will make you the king of privilege! So you get the white kit, Jackson shine, comes with 10 year warranty all for $19.99 so don’t pass up this amazing limited time offer! Still Having doubts about it! Look how it worked for Kanye!!
CUT TO
Image of Kanye West at the white house with Donald Trump wearing the Make America Great Again hat.
CUT TO
EXT. STORE FRONT
WHITE GUY
If it works for him, it will work for you. Here’s how to order.
CUT TO
Blue backdrop with a picture of The White Kit box and items on display around it on the left side of the frame, to the right is the phone number 1 800-438-9548 and price of $19.99 just below it.
VOICE
Call 1-800-438-9548, that’s 1-800-438-9548, the white kit is not available in stores and made in Germany, beware of white kit imitators, call 1-800-438-9548, that’s 1-800-438-9548, call now.
END SCENE
