Prohibition Pudding

Prohibition Pudding

(2.5m)   by domwire
 

Comedy Skits   (9210 Views 0 Comments)

PROHIBITION PUDDING

F/X˜- Tinkling of shop bell

SHOPKEEPER: Yes we can order you the green cloche madam, no problem at all. It should be here within two weeks, we have to order from our suppliers in Paris you see.

WOMAN: That?s fine I have 3 weeks until the wedding

SHOPKEEPER: Just pay on collection madam. If I may take your name and number to contact you when the hat has arrived

WOMAN: Certainly, it?s Featherstone-Haugh, Whitechapel 36712. May I survey your shop a little longer as I will look for a hat for my daughter

SHOPKEEPER: Certainly madam

F/X ? Man and woman whispering

WOMAN: Are you sure this is the place?

MAN:˜Positive Charlotte, stop panicking

WOMAN: It better be

SHOPKEEPER:˜May I help you?

MAN:˜Er yes we?re, I?m after a trilby

SHOPKEEPER: Very good sir, our trilby collection is over her...

MAN: (coughing) A treacle trilby

SHOPKEEPER: I beg your pardon sir

WOMAN: My husband is interested in a treacle trilby

MAN: (Whispering) Leave it to me dear

SHOPKEEPER: I?m sorry sir, I?ve been a Milliner for over 40 years and I have never heard of such a (changing tack) Oh yes goodbye madam I will ring you when the hat is in (tinkling of door bell)...follow me!

F/X˜- Door opening, light being switched on and the three descending some creaky wooden steps

SHOPKEEPER:˜Now before we go any further do you happen to know what my favourite dog is this week and what?s his name?

WOMAN: (excitedly) IT?S A CHIHUAHUA, A CHIHUAHUA CALLED GERALD!

MAN: Calm down Charlotte

SHOPKEEPER:˜Very good my dear.

F/X ? Large key being found on a chain to open a substantial and old sounding lock.

SHOPKEEPER:˜In here

MAN: WOW!!

WOMAN: How much money have you brought Giles, how much? How much?

MAN: Charlotte please contain yourself

WOMAN: Contain myself have you seen what?s in here, Mr Kipling?s, Aunt Bessie?s,...

SHOPKEEPER:˜As you can see we have a good supply here. This prohibition on puddings is a long way from being lifted according to government inside sources. The morbidly obese are growing and the government will do what they can to contain it

WOMAN: Bloody fatties spoiling it for everyone, they should just go and live on a big fat island somewhere and sink. Oh Giles, look over here at the sponge puddings.

SHOPKEEPER: Yes we have just had a delivery, there?s chocolate, syrup, treacle and summer fruit madam, they?re all there.

WOMAN: I want them all Giles; I want one of each....pleeeeease

MAN: How much?

SHOPKEEPER: Security and border controls are tighter than ever these days and after that brandy snap bust in Dover last week, well..

MAN: Come on

SHOPKEEPER: Ten guineas....each

MAN:˜Each?

SHOPKEEPER: Like I said sir it?s a black market that?s getting blacker

MAN: But ten guineas?

SHOPKEEPER: Your wife wants all 4 sir

WOMAN: Oh I do Giles

MAN: I?ll give you 30 guineas for all 4?

SHOPKEEPER: The best I can do is all 4 for 35 guineas and I?ll throw in this

F/X ? Rustling of a packet

MAN:˜Is it?

SHOPKEEPER: Bird?s finest custard sir, it?s pure. Rub some on your gums you?ll see it?s not that happy gold rubbish they sell on the streets. That stuff has been cut with Lemsip, I can?t believe the fools that snort that or heat it up in spoons in those custard dens, they?re dicing with death.

MAN: Wow it is pure

WOMAN: Oh just give him the money Giles

MAN: Ok sir here?s your 35 guineas, let?s have a look inside one of those puddings, it could be some Smart Price shit for all I know or even a Whoops!

SHOPKEEPER: Very well sir (rustling)

WOMAN: Oh they?re the real thing Giles you can smell them

SHOPKEEPER: I?ll bag them up for you sir and put in the half pound of Bird?s gold dust. If you?re interested I know of a shipment of Vienetta that?s due in next week.

WOMAN: Original or mint?

SHOPKEEPER: I think the first shipment is of mint

MAN: Never mind just let us know when the original comes in

SHOPKEEPER:˜Now please leave by the back door and if anyone asks I am simply the finest purveyor of everyday and luxury hats in London

MAN: Ok thank you sir. Now Charlotte just contain yourself until we get home

WOMAN: Oh come on Giles, let me enjoy this, the nearest I have been to a pudding in 14 months was that back alley rhubarb crumble and that was neither rhubarb nor bloody crumble.

Comedy Type: Script Length: Post date: Script Market:
Commercial

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2.5m Comedy Skits - Prohibition Pudding