Old Man

Old Man

(5m)   by bkuniverse

Comedy Skits   (71697 Views 10 Comments)

Man in the car: Where is Lyon Road?

Old man:  If there was a lion on the road then i wouldn't be standing here. Ha Ha Ha!

Man in the car: Funny, now can you tell me where Lyon Road is?

Old man: I don't like people who can not appreciate good humor. Go away!!

Man in the car: Ha Ha Ha!! Can you NOW tell me where Lyon Road is?

Old man: Look I am neither a salesman nor a serial killer to know every small street on this earth. You should have had a GPS.

Man in the car: No I don't.

Old man: You are driving a fancy car and you don't have a GPS. Trying to save money by acting cheap. Now you feel like when you were a child and accidentally let go of your Mama's hand. Shame on you!! 

Man in the car: What?

Old man: Yes I know what you do. You buy a new GPS while going on long drive and then return it back, saying it's faulty. I know your kind.

Man in the car: Ok! Look I don't want to talk with you. I am going.

Old man: Lyon Street is next to Noyl Street.

Man in the car: Ok. Thanks. Where is Noyl Street?

Old man: If you take a left at the next signal then you will reach there.

Man in the car:That is the mountain, I can't take my car there.

Old man: Yes you need to walk young man. You are acting like a mermaid. How would I climb a mountain? Use your legs. Walk young man!!

Man in the car:Why would my aunt stay on a mountain?

Old man: She wants to feel near to God. She must be hating mankind now if she is really related to you.

Man in the car: Old man it's enough , I will call the cops.

Old man: I am the sheriff here.

Man in the car: Oh!! Apologize. I am having a bad day.

Old man: No you are under arrest.

Man in the car: What?

Old man: I am just kidding. I am not the sheriff. It was so nice to see fear on your face.

Man in the car: Look I am going. I don't have time for you WEIRDO!!

Old man: Boy!! you really WANT to meet your aunt!!

Man in the car: Now look what do you mean.

Old man: I mean no one lives on the mountain but for vultures. So if you or your aunt is not one of then I wouldn't go there.

Man in the car: So there is where the Lyon Street is next to Nyol Street?

Old man:  There is no Nyol street. I made it up, just now. LYON-NOYL , the reverse , you didn't get it right. You don't seem to be smart enough to owe this car. Did you rent this out or did a favor to a rich dying old widow?

Man in the car: What is going on? I am going to straighten you up. Old man!!

Old man:  What you just threatened me? I am calling 911 (Begins Dialing)

Man in the car: No , wait.

Old man: I am just kidding! I was going to order pizza. You get tensed so fast. I can handle you. I don't need to call cops for me but if you mess around with this war veteran I might have to call ambulance for YOU.

Man in the car: Now you are a war veteran too. You liar.

Old man: Look at this badge. (Shoves the badge)

Man in the car: You were a veteran. Did you get jumping from the helicopter without a parachute.

Old man: No I landed safely on your Mom's bed and thats how you came in existence. My bastard son.

Man in the car: I will kill you.

Old man: Ohh yaa!! show me what you got.

Man in the car: Why are doing this? I just asked for directions.

Old man: Yes and I told you that I don't like people who don't appreciate good humor and this is what I do to people I don't like.

Man in the car: Look I respect war veterans.You should act like one though.

Old man: Yes , tell that to my twin brother. Got you again. You thought it's me. Look closely the person has a beard and I don't. It's my twin.

Man in the car: You are a loser and you are a burden on this world. I pity your wife.

Old man: Look at the window she is having a laugh. At present she is pitying you. Ha Ha Ha!!

Man in the car: I am going.

Old man: Look who is a loser now, you shy away from confrontation. You should learn martial arts. I can teach you.

Man in the car: No I am going to show you some.

(  The last statement made by the old man was true, he is 4th degree black belt in judo. The old man had to call the paramedics and cops as he beat up the young fellow.)

Old Man to Cops: I don't know I was minding my own business. He asked me directions and I told him. He just got angry for no reason and he attacked me. I had to protect myself so I had give him a kick on his groin and then smashed his skull so that he doesn't get up till you come here. I am feeling so cold!! I want to go home. This body can't take the rigour of this cold weather!! Son! No one is safe in America any more.

Officer: Oh! such a mad man. We will have to check his medical history.

Old Man: Yes and he said he has an aunt on Lyon Street. Inform her about his behaviour.

Officer: Oh! she lives just next street then.

Old Man: That's what I told this fine young man.

Officer: You are great, you still have respect for this man.

Old Man: Yes , he must under some influence of something like WEED. I bet you can find something on him.

Another Officer: We found weed in his pocket.

Old Man(Smiling) : See I told you. Now he will say someone like me planted the weed on him after beating him up.

Officer: Preposterous. He must be taking drugs.

Old Man: I am thinking he is selling them as this is a school zone.

Comedy Type: Script Length: Post date: Script Market:

Copyright Statement



Submitted by Awesomerestinglycool on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 13:51
Hahahaha this is hilarious I love the old man :)
Submitted by bkuniverse on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 14:39
@Awesomerestinglycool Thanks
Submitted by KARIMA DAHMANI (not verified) on Mon, 11/18/2013 - 01:09
i like this play esp the old man
Submitted by bkuniverse on Mon, 11/18/2013 - 11:54
Submitted by jayden (not verified) on Tue, 07/15/2014 - 07:04
can I use your script?
Submitted by bkuniverse on Wed, 07/16/2014 - 07:08
@jayden please do
Submitted by Popefy on Thu, 03/19/2015 - 06:42
May I please use this script?
Submitted by bkuniverse on Thu, 03/19/2015 - 14:43
@Popefy Yes please.
Submitted by Giorgio on Sun, 06/14/2015 - 14:37
Do you preform somewhere? Because your material preformed correctly would be a pretty good standup . I'm your fan:)
Submitted by bkuniverse on Wed, 06/17/2015 - 17:21
@Giorgio: No I don't. Please feel free to use any of my scripts. Thanks a lot.

5m Comedy Skits - Old Man