No Frills Airlines

No Frills Airlines

(5m)   by Paxton55
 

Comedy Skits   (61759 Views 22 Comments)

No Frills Airlines" a comedic look at today's ever-rising airline fees.

Airline Counter in busy metropolitan airport. Customer at counter preparing to purchase a ticket.

FADE IN

Airline Counter Person: (Female, late 20?s) Good afternoon and welcome to ?No Frills Airlines? how may I help you today?

Customer: (Male, mid-to-late 40?s, dressed in a business suit) I?d like to purchase a round-trip ticket New York to Boston.?

Airline Counter Person: (looking down at computer screen) Ok,let me see.

Airline Counter Person: (enthusiastically) Yes, I do have a flight that leaves in two hours, would you like me to book that?

Customer: (resoundingly pleased) Yes, please do.

Airline Counter Person: (very businesslike) First, I must ask you a few questions.

Airline Counter Person: Would you like to sit near the emergency exit?

Customer: That?s just fine, is there an extra fee?

Airline Counter Person: Yes, if you are 5-10 seats nearest the emergency exit that will be an extra $25.00. An emergency exit seat is $150.00.

Customer: (hesitant) Well,I guess where I sit is not that important.

Airline Counter Person: (again very businesslike) Do you have any baggage you would like to check?

Customer: Uh, why yes one bag.

Airline Counter Person: Please let me review our policy. We do not charge an initial baggage-handling fee. Instead, we will take a credit card and if at the end of your trip you have Minimal Damage to your luggage there will be a charge of only $15, If the bag is scuffed or stained we will only charge you a nominal $10 fee, If your baggage is missing wheels or handles a fee of $5 and if we lose your luggage we will charge to your credit card a Lost Luggage finder?s fee of $75.

Customer: (slightly miffed) Why that doesn?t seem fair.

Airline Counter Person: (unassuming) Sorry, it is the policy of our airline to incur such charges. But, as an added service we do provide you with free unlimited soft drinks, water or fruit juice. Although, we do charge $2.50 for an empty cup and a seventy-five cents ice fee.

Customer: (subdued) Well it is a short flight, I really don?t think I will have any beverage other than coffee.

Airline Counter Person: (cheerful) Well you are in luck, today we are giving coffee in a cup for free.

Customer: That sounds great.

Airline Counter Person: And only charging $1.25 for sweetener, $1.25 for creamer, and $.75 for the stirrer.

Customer: (somewhat annoyed) Why that comes to $3.25 for a cup of coffee. Guess I?ll have my coffee before I board.

Airline Counter Person: Well, then I imagine you will be using the aircraft's? lavatory? We do charge a nominal per person lavatory use fee of $5.00. (pausing) I must also add that as a non-first class passenger if you use the first class lavatory there is a $500.00 fine.

Customer: (slightly angry) Are you kidding me?

Airline Counter Person: (ignoring) Will you be traveling with any infants or children under 3? Because we do charge a $75.00 crying baby fee?

Customer: (abruptly) No!

Airline Counter Person: Do you have any carry on luggage?

Customer: Why yes, my travel bag (lifting his bag onto the counter).

Airline Counter Person: (takes out a tape measure and carefully measures the bag) This can only be stowed in the overhead bin at a charge of $15 a cubic foot, (hesitant and calculating) that will be an extra $60.00.

Customer: What? How can you charge that much?

Airline Counter Person: (slightly annoyed, but stern) Sir, it is the airline?s policy not mine. Do you wish me to issue you a ticket?

Customer: (disgusted) Well, I have no choice, I have a meeting late this afternoon.

Airline Counter Person: (calculating) let?s see that will be $967.25.

Customer: (quizzed look) Are you sure that is correct?

Airline Counter Person: Yes, the cost of the flight, incidentals and special fees.

Customer: (confused) Incidentals and special fees?

Airline Counter Person: Yes, Special fees include a $5.00 Electrical Energy Surcharge for the use of the overhead Reading Lamp, as well as, Safe Landing Fees including a $75.00 Pilot fee, a $50.00 Co-pilot fee and a Baggage Handler fee of $50.00.

Customer: (sarcastic tone) And do you also charge for the guy who stands at the cabin exit door and does absolutely nothing?

Airline Counter Person: (ignoring his sarcastic tone) Oh, if you use the Overhead Call Light to page a steward or stewardess there is an Inconvenience Fee of $15.00 per call, as well as special emergency fees.

Customer: (somewhat chagrined) Special Emergency Fees?

Airline Counter Person: (coolly) In the event of an emergency, there are special emergency fees, which include Use of the Emergency Exit fee, which is $5 in the event of an unscheduled emergency evacuation. As well as a Flotation Device Surcharge of $15. In any case, emergency or not, we will refund you the $15 Flotation Device Surcharge, if you return your flotation seat cushion in its original condition accompanied by your original receipt.

Customer: (speechless with a disgusted look)

Airline Counter Person: Oh, I almost forgot, do you need change? Our Emergency Oxygen is coin-operated and will only accept quarters.

Customer: (disgusted and reaching for his wallet)

Airline Counter Person: (surprised) This must be your lucky day, the airline has wavered the Arrive on Time $25.00 passenger penalty, as well as the $5.00 Overhead Air Circulation fee. That is a saving of $30.

Airline Counter Person: (handing the customer his boarding pass) Oh, yes, please remember at the end of your flight when exiting the cabin, do not forget to be generous to our flight staff with an Exceptional Service Fee. A tip jar is located at the cabin exit. Now you have a nice flight and thank you again for flying ?No Frills? Airlines.

FADE OUT

Comedy Type: Script Length: Post date: Script Market:
Commercial

Copyright Statement



Comments

   

Submitted by Shiann Martin (not verified) on Tue, 10/07/2014 - 07:40
I really like this!! ~Megan Wuzz Hurrrrr
Submitted by daniel (not verified) on Sun, 10/12/2014 - 06:58
Can I please use this as my humorous speech in a tournament?
Submitted by Adam Sanders (not verified) on Fri, 10/17/2014 - 07:53
Hey Daniel, I was just wondering if I can use this script for one of my competitions for acting. If I could thanks a lot. Really love this script
Submitted by Greg (not verified) on Tue, 11/25/2014 - 11:02
Love this and would like to use in high school speech. Can I have your permission to do so?
Submitted by Kamar Kelly (not verified) on Sun, 11/30/2014 - 18:01
I would really like to use this speech for Theatre class final where we conduct a 5 min script of something we saw and this is hilarious I love it.
Submitted by nancy (not verified) on Sun, 12/07/2014 - 11:48
This was funny...may I use it for our readers theater group for seniors?
Submitted by Walt (not verified) on Fri, 12/12/2014 - 12:28
Hi this is da BEST can i use it for my tournament this is great!!!!!
Submitted by Izzy (not verified) on Sun, 02/01/2015 - 16:17
hi, can I use this for a school theatre comp.
Submitted by Paxton55 on Mon, 02/02/2015 - 00:21
Yes, you may use the comedy skit freely...Good Luck!
Submitted by Karen Woodland (not verified) on Sun, 02/08/2015 - 21:42
Hi Daniel - I just loved this script & would like to use it as part of a variety show that we are putting on in the UK in June
Submitted by ROB (not verified) on Mon, 02/09/2015 - 21:26
Hi Daniel please may I use this skit for a show I'm directing in may this year it is very funny and fits with my travel theme perfectly
Submitted by Michelle (not verified) on Thu, 02/12/2015 - 08:25
Hi Daniel this script was very well written and funny my daughter and her friends would like to perform it at school. If you would please tell us something about yourself so that they could use that in their introduction.
Submitted by Annie (not verified) on Thu, 03/12/2015 - 09:10
Hi Daniel. This script is awesome and I would be honored to participate in a competition with this hilarious script. Thank-you for writing it.
Submitted by Jessica (not verified) on Tue, 04/07/2015 - 07:12
Hi Daniel, wonderful script :) I would love to use this for an upcoming fundraiser cabaret for our local film festival in June. I think it's the perfect piece to go on stage. Would love to have your permission to do so. Thank you.
Submitted by Daria McNabb (not verified) on Wed, 05/27/2015 - 05:15
Hi Daniel, I loved the script. Could I please use it for our church variety show on 6/21/15. It would be perfect.
Submitted by Ali Farzooq (not verified) on Sun, 07/05/2015 - 01:44
Can I use this for a school play plz!!!!!!
Submitted by Lenora Rowe (not verified) on Thu, 08/06/2015 - 15:55
Mr. DiTonno, I would like to request your permission to use this script for my Forensic class and and competitions. It is fantastic. Thank you so very much.
Submitted by R. Llerena (not verified) on Mon, 11/30/2015 - 16:31
Hi, wondering if I may use this for a small play readers group event? I really got a kick out of this
Submitted by Wallace on Thu, 12/03/2015 - 04:57
I really enjoyed this script. Please may I use it in a village variety show? This show is a charity event in support of our Church.
Submitted by Paxton55 on Thu, 12/03/2015 - 10:40
Sure anyone may use the script at no charge!!!
Submitted by Gabiwabbyelle on Tue, 12/15/2015 - 05:14
Can I use this script in my schools speechmeet?
Submitted by Paxton55 on Wed, 12/16/2015 - 10:29
Sure Gababeth you can use the script.... Good luck!!!

5m Comedy Skits - No Frills Airlines