Mr Qing: Welcome to the Chinese Universe!!
Traveller: Ohh! I build this machine to enter other Universe and I keep on landing here.
Mr Qing: Yes because there are only two universes in the Multiverse. The Universe and the Chinese Universe and our's is a lot cheaper.
Traveller: I am not surprised. So is there any place to eat?
Mr Qing: I must say that first you should drink this potion.
Mr Qing: It would reduce your height. You see in the Chinese Universe everyone is shorter than Chinese.
Traveller: No way.
Mr Qing: You must have heard the proverb "In Rome do as the Romans do", here we have a proverb
"In Chinese Universe the Government does you".
Traveller: And if I say no then.
Mr Qing: Well you have the right to say NO . We respect your rights.
Mr Qing: We reserve the right to shoot you if you say NO though and if we don't excercise
our rights the people of your Universe would complain that we don't have rights. So your choice ..
(Traveller drinks the potion and his height is reduced)
Traveller: Now are you satisifed. I am of lesser height than you.
Mr Qing: Thank you Sir. Welcome to the Chinese Universe. Let me guide you through it.
Traveller: How did the Chinese Universe came in to existence?
Mr Qing: God made a Universe and the Chinese first made a replica of it and then made a even better Universe in less time and cost.
Mr Qing: God told us that he build his Universe in much less cost than us. We got pissed off because of that and said to God "Up yours , we don't believe
Traveller: How did you make it?
Mr Qing: We made it from the BIG BANK
Traveller: I have heard of Big Bang but not Big Bank
Mr Qing: Well before Columbus came to America the natives had a lot of money and they used
to store it in place called BIG BANK. So when the Spanish came in the Natives wanted a safe place
and so they decided to create another Universe. We told them we will manufacture it in least possible time and money and so we got the contract and here we are.
Traveller: So the Mayans are here.
Mr Qing: Yes.
Traveller: I have so many questions for them.
Mr Qing: They speak only Mandarin. Can you speak Mandarin?
Mr Qing: You should , it is a language which keeps you fit.
Mr Qing: The amount of movement of eyebrows, face , throat, neck and other part of body to speak gives a lot of excercise to the body. That is the reason we are so thin.And you need great memory to read and write , so your brain is sharp too.
Traveller: Wow. Does everyone speak Chinese?
Mr Qing: Yes. Even the animals.
Traveller: So animals can speak.
Mr Qing: When we tried to eat animals in your Universe they never protested and so
we thought that they really wanted to be our food. But then will creating the new Universe we taught animals Chinese.
Traveller: Then what happened?
Mr Qing: We all are vegetarians now.
Traveller: It is hard to believe it!! But you said that your Universe is better than God. How is that?
Mr Qing: God doesn't practice what he preaches.
Mr Qing: God says that we all should treat each other equally but he tolerates Capitalism. We don't , we are all communist. In our Universe no matter what the appetite of the child is the mother gives equal food to all the children. Because if the child eats as much food as he thinks he needs then he will grow up and plunder as much wealth as he needs and then there will be inequality.
Mr Qing: Our Universe is full of humor.
Traveller: What humor?
Mr Qing: For example we found out that different people find different things funny and so we shifted the onus of bringing humor from the performer to the audience.So now whenever some one sneezes, falls of bench or sees a fat man gulping noodles he or she has to laugh out and point towards them. Following that the person next to him should laugh and so on. So in our world everyone is always smiling. We are really healthy...
Traveller: So what if doesn't laugh?
Mr Qing: Then the authorities catch him and make him eat bread for dinner.
Mr Qing: Eat bread with Chopsticks. We programmed everyone to eat rice and noodles
and hate bread. So eating bread is a punishment.
Traveller: What else is there?
Mr Qing: In our Universe there is no war.
Traveller: Now thats an acheivement.
Mr Qing: We made our leaders immortal and only they are ruling us. So there are no elections, no power struggle nothing. We just focus on development.
Mr Qing: We use Herbal Tea with Ginseng as fuel and so we solved our energy needs. If you have more of it then you can heck even drink it!!
Mr Qing: That was a joke and you didn't laugh. Now you are on our territory, you should obey our laws.
Traveller: Anything else.
Mr Qing: In our Universe we banned official holidays.
Traveller: Now why is that good.
Mr Qing: See if there is a holiday then all you do while working is think of a holiday. So we banned it and now everyone knows there is no holiday and so they work.
Traveller: So what about taking wife and children out.
Mr Qing: We now legally classify that as work and we have our laws to deal with it. Don't tell me men like going out for hours together with their wives?
Traveller: Well I don't want to comment. If my wife hears it, I will be dead.
Mr Qing: Don't worry here we maintain strict control over information. We decide what goes out and comes in this
Universe.You are safe.
Traveller: What about poverty, disease and other facilities?
Mr Qing: Well there is no poverty as everyone gets the same salary. Well I don't know about the leaders but all others do. We are able to treat all diseases though acupuncture. Our planes and trains run much faster than yours and are much cheaper too.
Traveller: How does it travel faster?
Mr Qing: Catapults. First we pull the train or plane back with great force and then adjust the trajectory. Once we leave them then you should see the speed.
Traveller: Is it safe?
Mr Qing: Why are your planes and trains safe?
Traveller: Well no.
Mr Qing: No one is perfect you see. All you can get is things done in cheaper way.
Traveller: I want to go home now.
Mr Qing: Wait our engineers are a little examining your machine ..
Traveller: You are going to make a replica.
Mr Qing: Yes something like that ..
Traveller: Why didn't ask my permission?
Mr Qing: Where is the fun in that? Now don't complain that we don't have a sense of humour.