If Happiness was a Horse
Written by: Julie Brewer
Teacher:
The creative writing assignment regarding World War One is due tomorrow that is all class.
* sits down *
Student:
Teacher, can you please take a look at my assignment and give feedback?
Teacher:
Wow?! You did your work early, that’s a first. Let’s hear it.
Student:
It’s a poem--
[clears throat]
We had a great relationship--
Teacher:
Wait, what’s the title?
Student:
There is none.
[Teacher gives a confused look]
Teacher:
Uhh.. okay keep going.
Student:
we had a great relationship, a real rip snorter
then you made a arse of my heart, ripped out my aorta
you said we're not compatible, but its a fact
the science books say that opposites attract
a fun night out is what you said you would appreciate
shouldn't have brought you badger baiting on a first date
tried to do things romantic, but with you i came a cropper
you said handcuffs on a second date, wasn't right and proper
so i san---
Teacher:
Excuse me for stopping you for a second, but I’m having trouble following this poem…
Student:
It’s good right?
Teacher:
It’s confusing…
Student:
Maybe by the ending you’ll get it…
Teacher:
Alright…
Student:
So i sang to you neath your balcony, you seemed a touch afraid
should have left the amps at home, for that moonlight serenade
if happiness was a horse, you would be my saddle
if i was stuck in a creek of shit, you would be my paddle
if i was a hermit all alone, living in a quarry where the sun never shone
you would be my favorite stone, shined and polished but never ever thrown, away
if happiness was a horse, you would be my saddle
if i was stuck in a creek of shit, you would be my paddle
if i were a lion and you a deer, I'd turn vegetarian, do you hear
tell all the other cats their carnivore career, is now herbivore or they'll disappear, away
I’m done, how was it?
Teacher:
Was this… a poem about a horse?
Student:
Yeah! It was great right?!
Teacher:
The assignment, was to creatively write about World War I… what does “If I was stuck in a creek of shit, you would be my paddle” have to do with World War I? There’s NOTHING about World War I in here, you didn’t mention the propaganda, Battle of the frontiers, the three battles of Gaza, hell! if you wanted to talk about horses.. Why not mention war horses.. And this poem doesn’t even have a title!
Student:
So what you’re saying is… if this poem had a title… I would get the A?
Teacher:
[puts his hand on his head and begins laughing slowly… escalating into a hysterical laughter]
