Harry Potter- The True Story

Harry Potter- The True Story

(2.5m)   by Imthelordunicorn

Comedy Skits   (165595 Views 35 Comments)

H= Harry˜J=James

V= Voldemort˜

L= Lilly


G= Ginny

S= Snape˜


H= I?ll never die Tom NEVER!

V= you dare call me by my real name Potter? Do not forget I killed your mom

H= Oh yah and who was your mom? Oh, yes Tom that?s right I know

V= Oh how funny but you don?t

H= Oh your right... wait huh you?re not I know Tom I know it all

V= Fine do your worst... weakling

H= Oh trust me I will... This is truly horrifying, but not that surprising since we all have seen who Tom really is right now he is the most terrifying, hated


H= Fine you asked for it, Tom?s mom is GODZILLA!

V= WAIT time out (makes T sign with hand) Accio Bellatrix, What is this I hear, who spread this! NOW THEY WILL BE MAKING MOVIES ABOUT MY MOM WITH HER YELLING AND TERRYFYING PEOPLE WHILE CLIMBING UP THE EMPIRE STATE (or what is left of it after the attack we made).

B= My Lord, I don?t mean to disrupt you but remember what the doctor said you need to calm down we can?t afford anymore of your tantrums especially after you threw that bed out of the Knight bus window but also that?s not your mom that?s your father King Kong!

V= I do not care that I am talking about the wrong person just tell me HOW IT GOT OUT!

B= Whispers in Voldemort?s ear

V= Stan Shunpike? In a bar! Oh, I will kill that little

B= Whispers in Voldemort?s ear again

V= Hah already in Azkaban I see, well serves him right for spreading rumors around like that

H= Um Tom that?s not a rumor it?s the truth

V= and who told you this, that puny little Dumbledore I expect... Well Potter it is too late for me to kill him but I can still finish you

S= Wait my Lord, let me take over

V=Snape? What are you doing here?

S= Oh, my Lord there is not enough time, let me have the boy, I know how to truly destroy him

(Snape drops his wand Harry looks confused)

S= your dad was so fat that he sat on the I-pod and created the I-pad

H= Oh we?re playing it this way huh? (Harry drops his wand too)

H= Snivilleus your dad was so fat that

S= Really Potter you think you can pull that on me, let me tell you a little story, your dad once thought he was so great so I challenged him so swim across the English channel, he did but he got tired halfway through so guess what he did, he swam all the way back

H= Whoa there Hold on (searches pockets for resurrection stone) Nope not that, oh ok here it is, (turns stone is hand, James appears) DAD YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU DID THOSE THINGS HOW COULD YOU!

J= How could I, why would I tell you about me being stupid, you would think less of me

H= True enough, but still couldn?t you have told me a tinny bit (Harry and James have silent fight while...)

V= Severus what are you doing here, do you think I cannot handle myself

S= No not that my Lord I hold you in highest respect

V= Well then why did you not let me finish the boy? Did I do something?

S= No it is not you my Lord it is me; you see I am a married man!

V= WHAT TIME OUT AGAIN (makes T sign with hands) Bellatrix what is this I hear about Snape being married? It is not in the script!

B= Um my Lord right there did you not see that

V= Well why should I have I only looked at my lines since I am just so talented

B= My Lord please just carry on (rolls her eyes)

V= Fine then Snape, let us see what you think of this! AVADA KEDAVRA!

(Snape appears in Harry and James? fight)

H= Snape what are you doing here, I never loved you

S= Oh Harry I kept this so long, but I am your father


L= Harry dear calm down it is true, Snape is also your father

J= Wait dear you LIED TO ME!

L= Well I did what I thought was best for everyone

J= Well you failed, I cannot be with you anymore, goodbye

L= James no don?t leave me

S= Do not worry Lilly I will not leave you like that good for nothing James Potter

L= Thank you Snivilleus

S= what did you call me?

L= Sorry Severus

G= Harry!

H= Ginny? Please don?t look at me I?m ill

G= Harry your ill well come with me my mom can fix anything

H= but Ginny this is not just anything I have... BEIBER FEAVER!

G= BEIBER FEAVER! How that?s not possible!

(Ron walks in on the scene)

R= Harry I cannot stand you and Ginny anymore I am taking back my permission on you two dating (Ron looks up surprised) Oh Ill just leave now

G= OH no Ron you and me are going to talk (walks away pulling Ron) Now what is this I hear about you saying you gave me permission to date Harry

R: Well you can?t blame me I am your big brother so I THINK THAT I HAVE THE RESPONSIBILITY.

G: (cuts Ron off) RESPONSIBILITY! Ron you, you...

V: Harry why are your friends so weird?

J: Son I know I was never there to give you advice but still I think that yuo should have chosen better friends!


Extra scene

Voldemort and Bellatrix are sitting down

V: Tell me Bellatrix, did Snape have a wedding?

B: Yes, actually, it was quite lovely but you were attacking the empire state building then

V: Ah, I see... so did we get him a gift.

B: Yes a very nice tombstone

V: Weird I think he regifted that to me for Christmas!

The End˜

Comedy Type: Script Length: Post date: Script Market:

Author's Message

Hehehe hope you like it me and my friends are obsessed with Harry Potter and thought this would be fun

Copyright Statement



Submitted by Kylie (not verified) on Thu, 03/21/2013 - 09:42
I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mind if me and my friends use this for a drama audition please it's one of the best I've seen
Submitted by Loverbeatboy (not verified) on Sat, 03/30/2013 - 06:33
I totally despise Harry Potter I think it's the lamest series on the planet, but this was pretty good, just take it in when I say PRETTY GOOD. it's not like any of my own monologues which are like top of the class and super funny so let's just say BEGINNERS LUCK!!!!!!!
Submitted by Imthelordunicorn on Sat, 03/30/2013 - 06:35
@Kylie thanks it's totally fine if you use it @Loverbeatboy yah well I dont see any of YOUR monologues on here so just shut you jealous mouth
Submitted by Rainfire on Thu, 04/04/2013 - 13:04
Once a gain you are a genious hope your creating more. oh and Loverbeatboy if all you have to do is to come onto websites and trash people's (who btw you dont even know) scripts then you need to GROW UP AND GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Imthelordunicorn on Sat, 04/06/2013 - 10:59
@Robyn thanks for supporting me it means alot
Submitted by GryffindorGirl (not verified) on Fri, 05/31/2013 - 13:25
Haha, this is really funny! xD Oh, and Loverbeatboy, if Harry Potter was a lame series, then why is it the best selling series in the world currently? Oh, and this is a REALLY GOOD scene. You're just hating.
Submitted by Imthelordunicorn on Fri, 05/31/2013 - 13:29
@GryffindorGirl thanks so much I hope that loverbeatboy finnaly gets the message they their comments are not worth our time, so once again thanks a bunch
Submitted by Redbull200 (not verified) on Tue, 06/04/2013 - 10:15
Hey me and my friends have to find a scene to preform for our drama class and I was in charge of finding one I thought this was really funny and was wondering if we could use it
Submitted by W (not verified) on Sun, 06/09/2013 - 04:13
Submitted by Imthelordunicorn on Sun, 06/09/2013 - 04:40
Redbull200 of course you can use it I hope you do really well and @W what is that if your trying the word YOU, your forgetting the U
Submitted by Makka (not verified) on Wed, 10/16/2013 - 10:36
hello! :)
Submitted by Imthelordunicorn on Fri, 11/01/2013 - 13:48
Heyy! :)
Submitted by Jenny (not verified) on Wed, 11/06/2013 - 17:06
Hey, can I use this for a performance pls?
Submitted by Imthelordunicorn on Sat, 11/16/2013 - 01:32
Yeah sure, good luck on your performance!
Submitted by 12hakobydeath (not verified) on Sun, 12/01/2013 - 18:21
heyy eve can i use this for a script i am making for a comedy youtube channel with my friends plz i have already made the first 3 can i use this for a bit of the 4th plz Daniel
Submitted by Digger106 (not verified) on Thu, 01/16/2014 - 05:03
Hello. I was wondering if I could use this for my midterm for my english class. I have to find a comedy and then make a Director's book out of it.
Submitted by Amy (not verified) on Wed, 01/22/2014 - 07:09
I don't mean to be rude or mean I promise! This should be under "Scenes" and not "Monologues", because of there being more than one character speaking within this lovely piece~
Submitted by Kelsie (not verified) on Thu, 01/23/2014 - 12:21
This is very funny, but it is not a monologue, it's a dialogue.
Submitted by Imthelordunicorn on Mon, 03/03/2014 - 12:37
@Amy & Kelsie oh yeah... lol thanx for letting me know i'll change it.
Submitted by Poppy Thorne (not verified) on Thu, 05/01/2014 - 06:31
Hi eve I was just wondering whether I could use this script for a play I am doing? By the way it as amazing!!
Submitted by diksha (not verified) on Mon, 05/12/2014 - 02:14
hi and yes it's really funny and good
Submitted by Voldemort (not verified) on Wed, 06/04/2014 - 02:54
This was so funny! I loved Harry potter and this is better
Submitted by Imthelordunicorn on Sun, 06/22/2014 - 04:39
@ Voldemort and diksha, thanks for the support. ( i love Harry Potter too)
Submitted by Regan (not verified) on Fri, 07/11/2014 - 05:35
Hi, I'm a hardcore Harry Potter nerd and thought this was very creative and super funny! I'm going to a drama conservatory in New York City in a week and was wonderingifi could use this for a talent showcase audition?
Submitted by Imthelordunicorn on Sun, 07/13/2014 - 11:03
@Regan of course you can use it, thanks for asking :)
Submitted by clive (not verified) on Tue, 07/15/2014 - 06:40
I read the book and watched the movie but this is way better! And I was wondering if I can use the script for my play?
Submitted by Zeenon (not verified) on Wed, 07/16/2014 - 10:23
Funny and well-written script! Mind if I use this for a future project?
Submitted by Imthelordunicorn on Thu, 07/24/2014 - 08:49
@Zeenon Thank you! of course you can use it thanks for asking :)
Submitted by Imthelordunicorn on Thu, 07/24/2014 - 08:51
@clive Yes you can use it, good luck on your play!
Submitted by Sam (not verified) on Fri, 09/26/2014 - 06:57
Could we use this script for our Drama & Debate class? It's the best we've seen so far @Zeenon
Submitted by isaiah a (not verified) on Wed, 03/04/2015 - 17:00
this is an awesome script
Submitted by Imthelordunicorn on Sat, 04/11/2015 - 10:16
Thanks :) @ isaiah a
Submitted by Mari (not verified) on Sat, 05/30/2015 - 02:53
Can I please use this for a school project?
Submitted by raverpuff (not verified) on Fri, 01/06/2017 - 09:58
omg so much fun!
Submitted by ItzRainbow-Roblox on Fri, 02/21/2020 - 01:21
Hey! Can I use this play for a youtube video? I'll make sure to give credits!

2.5m Comedy Skits - Harry Potter- The True Story