INTERVIEWER: Have to say your resume intrigued me, so I thought I would at least see what you have to say for yourself. This job is for someone who is not afraid of a challenge, has initiative, and not afraid of getting his hands dirty.
INTERVIEWEE: I think I tick all those boxes. Page twelve, twenty, and thirty six of my C.V. should illustrate this.
INTERVIEWER: Your C.V. is certainly different to what I normally get. What sort of feedback do you normally get?
INTERVIEWEE: I am sad to say that finding the job that I feel I deserve is proving to be difficult. It is hard to believe in this day and age that a lot of people don't believe in reincarnation.
INTERVIEWER: As I said I'm intrigued. Your current life has you working in pizza delivery, so I guess you keep bumping into non believers.
INTERVIEWEE: Tell me about it, although it has to be said I did a similar job in ancient Rome.The only difference was I used a chariot instead of a motorbike.
INTERVIEWER: Didn't know pizza was around in those days.
INTERVIEWEE: Absolutely huge business back in the day. A day out at the gladiatorial combat or Christians being minced by lions was always accompanied by a jug of wine and a slice.
INTERVIEWER: I learn something new everyday. Anyway tell me about your suitability for this position. Page twelve of your C.V. shows you are not afraid of a challenge. Talk me through that.
INTERVIEWEE: Ah 1876, I remember like it was yesterday. I was one of Sitting Bulls most trusted war chefs.
INTERVIEWER: Don't you mean war chief?
INTERVIEWEE: No, I was in charge of catering. Feeding two thousand warriors the night before the Little Big Horn is no easy task with no outside catering unit. All I had was camp fires. I knew a big feed of Buffalo, their usual fare would leave them feeling sluggish the next day, so I knocked up a load of pasta. The next day every warrior was sent into battle with two bananas apiece to give them a energy boost.
INTERVIEWER: No doubt the pasta you remembered from your ancient Roman days. How did you think of bananas?
INTERVIEWEE: I remembered them from my pirate days in Jamaica. Will my brief flirtation as a outlaw of the seas count against me?
INTERVIEWER: Company policy on criminal records is usually this life only. Can you now give a example of initiative ?
INTERVIEWEE: When I was with Sitting Bull I suggested the classic circling the enemy technique that proved so successful at Little Big Horn. At the end Custer and his men were so dizzy they could hardly stand up.
INTERVIEWER: That's most impressive, but you mentioned page twenty for initiative.
INTERVIEWEE: During the Siege Of Troy, my initiative saw thousands of Trojans escape from the city and certain death. I always believe in having a back up plan and I thought we needed one if the siege was broken. I oversaw the construction of hundreds of large hollow wooden goats making sure they were a absolute eyesore to look at. I knew they would repulse the fine tastes of our foes and they would banish them from the city. Everyone remembers the Trojan Horse but few remember the Escape Goat.
INTERVIEWER: To be responsible for a popular phrase in the English language is impressive. Getting stuck in and getting your hands dirty is probably nothing new to you as you're covering a couple of thousand years. What was tougher, building the Pyramids or the Great Wall?
INTERVIEWEE: Neither job paid, didn't have health insurance, although the whipping wasn't as bad on the wall. They were some of the worst jobs I had.
INTERVIEWER: Excellent. Looking through your long and varied C.V. there is something missing.
INTERVIEWEE: To my knowledge I have included all my jobs.
INTERVIEWER: 1490 Castile Spain. There is no mention of your Trojan work there although Its not as creative as your work in Troy.
INTERVIEWEE: Was never in Spain. Around that time I was plagued by ill health, namely the plague and kept dying in infancy.
INTERVIEWER: I never forget a face and certainly would never forget the face of the Inquisitor who had me burned at the stake. Its taken five hundred and twenty nine years to get even. Get out of my sight you butcher, I wouldn't dream of giving you a job.
INTERVIEWEE: That's such a long time ago. How did you remember my face.
INTERVIEWER: How could I forget someone who laughed and toasted marshmallows as I burned?
INTERVIEWEE: Drat me and my sweet tooth.