Corona Task Force Briefing

Corona Task Force Briefing

(10m)   by Jack Neely
 

Comedy Skits   (1134 Views 0 Comments)

INT. WHITE HOUSE ROOM - DAY

BRAD, 21, a White House intern is wearing a suit and a mask and running the latest Coronavirus Task Force Briefing with Ayush a local pre-med student.

BRAD

Alright, welcome to today's Coronavirus Taskforce Briefing. I will be joined by our medical expert Ayush, together, we will try to answer everyones questions.

JEFF

You guys look a little young to be running this briefing. May I ask your exact qualifications?

BRAD

Really? Might be the mask I'm wearing, here, I can take it off.

BRAD removes his mask while the reporter and Ayush look on in concern.

AYUSH

Well, right now, I've been studying a bit of everything. I did get a B+ in organic chemistry.

JEFF

Did you say B+? Are you even a doctor?

SAGAR

Almost, I am.

JEFF

Care to elaborate?

SAGAR

I'm actually well on my way to finishing my undergraduate degree. Pre-health, of course. I was also a lab apprentice for Dr. Fauci.

JEFF

Speaking of the man, where exactly is he?

AYUSH

The new Animal Crossing game was released on Switch, so he's been practicing social distancing while I take over for him.

JEFF

Just to be clear, we have a college student who isn't even a doctor yet running the disease protocol?

SAGAR

Actually, I want to become a veterinarian. I just havn't told my father yet. He would be deeply dissapointed.

BRAD

Learn to share the room, Jeff. We're not here to play 21 questions with Ayush. I believe the other reporter also has something to say.

CHUCK

Thank you, Chuck Hughes from Barstool Sports, 'Rona Division. Brad, this question is for you.

BRAD

Don't mean to cut you off but 'Rona divison?

CHUCK

Yeah, formally Women's Rugby. Though, we were barely treading watah before the outbreak. Since I was the only one on our staff with a college degree they are having me cover shit this now. University of American Samoa class of 2018.

CHUCK

Anyway, back to my question. What do you think this upcoming Darty season will be like?

JEFF

Darty?

EVERYONE

(in unison)

Day Party

AYUSH

(in a thick Indian accent)

Fucking Boomer

BRAD

Great question Chuck. The best part about Darties is that they take place outside, so there's really no better way to distance yourself. Additionally, most standard drinking game tables are 6 feet long. I'm not the medical expert, though, for that we gotta go back to Ayush.

JEFF

But he isn't either?

AYUSH

Very good point with the 6 foot long tables. While I agree that Darties will be safe, I still don't think anyone should be sharing drinks.

BRAD

Nobody drinks out of your cups anyway, your beer of choice is Rolling Rock.

AYUSH

Don't you come at Rolling Rock like that, you just can't appreciate the complex flavor profile.

BRAD

Dude, it tastes like soggy peanuts and you know it.

Jeff hides his Rolling Rock beer. Chuck writes notes in his notepad.

CHUCK

Top three beers, everyone, go!

BRAD

Game on. Alright, Natural Light, Natural Ice, and my favorite, Miller High Life.

CHUCK

Hey, it's the "Champaign of Beers", I gotta respect that. Ayush, what about you?

AYUSH

Rolling Rock, of course. Michelob Ultra and Busche Light for my next two.

JEFF

This is BS. Guys could we stick to the coronavirus?

AYUSH

Not before you name your top three beers.

CHUCK

I bet all he drinks is weird ass IPA's.

JEFF

Hey, IPA's are not weird, they are just not for everyone. Besides, if I'm ever gonna grab a cheap beer, I at least want it to taste good.

AYUSH

Cheap beer can taste good?

JEFF

Of course, you gotta try Carlsburg, it's a Danish beer. I think it's probably the best beer in the world.

CHUCK

Alright there, Welfare State.

JEFF

Don't you young people want free universal health care?

BRAD

Libtard Alert. I have to remind you that, although he's not here, this is still President Trump's Press Conference.

AYUSH

I still want universal healthcare.

BRAD

(muttering to Ayush)

Ayush, we talked about this, you gotta be careful saying those things around here. Pence might hear you.

JEFF

Alright well, what are the current plans for opening the country? Will you guys be issued a nationwide lockdown or are you leaving it to a state by state basis?

BRAD

I think we will be maintaining the state by state protocol.

CHUCK

Oh, I love the state by state stuff. Like Boston is locked down so I just drove to New Hampshire to spend time with my parents.

BRAD

That's a great idea, you can't forget to contact your elder loved ones during these times. They need all the hugs they can get.

AYUSH

Actually, I think we should be avoiding elders? I've heard they are more prone to the virus.

JEFF

(sarcastically)

Oh, did you learn that in one of your pre-med classes?

AYUSH

No, actually, I heard that in a commercial.

CHUCK

Oh! You heard that one too? What were they even advertising?

AYUSH

I don't even know, it's just so catchy.

CHUCK

(singing along)

Even if you wash your hands, the elderly just can't withstand. Grandma, Grandpa, ya Auntie too. They're all gonna die from the Corona Flu.

JEFF

Jesus, that's dark. What network even airs that?

CHUCK

What do ya mean? Spike, Fox, and Disney if you would believe it.

JEFF

Disney?

BRAD

Well yeah, they have a lot of young viewers. So, they need to make sure the kids stay away from the older people.

AYUSH

Any other questions?

JEFF

Yes!

AYUSH

Anyone?

JEFF raises his hand on the zoom call.

JEFF

Yep, right here.

AYUSH

Nobody?

CHUCK

Alright, sure, I could ask another.

AYUSH

Great.

CHUCK

Sports.

(a beat)

JEFF

That wasn't even a question.

CHUCK

Oh shut ya mouth ya fuhkin Boomah. Are the sox gonna be playing this summah?

AYUSH

Pardon me, sir? What sox are you referring to?

BRAD

I lived in Boston for a year, I think he's referring to whether or not sports will be allowed.

CHUCK

Oh ya, bud.

BRAD

Perfect, yeah, I'll take this one. Mr. President has been speaking to all the major sports leagues, and soccer trying to find a plan.

JEFF

Oh real funny Brad, soccer isn't a major sport now?

CHUCK

You must be quite the journalist if you havn't figured that one out by now.

AYUSH

Good Golly, no Jeff. The four major sports are Football, Basketball, Hockey, and Cricket.

CHUCK

I'll watch anything you can bet on.

AYUSH

You and me both brother.

BRAD

Alright, guys. I think we accomplished a lot today. That should do it? I'm gonna go grab a beer.

JEFF

Wait, I got one more question?

BRAD

Full of questions this guy. What do you have for us now?

JEFF

Experts say we need around 2 million daily tests if we want to start to see improvement and we are currently only testing 200,000 people across the country. How do you suppose we can improve our testing capabilities?

CHUCK

This fuckin guy has been testing me all day.

AYUSH

Yes, yes yes. I've got the solution. Last night I got super high and came up with a new plan. I've heard that dogs are immune to the disease and as everyone knows, dogs are man's best friend.

(a beat)

JEFF

Are you high right now, Ayush?

AYUSH

A little, I am.

BRAD

Oh, what a great friend you are. You said you were all out last night.

AYUSH

Like I was gonna share my premium bud with my coworker.

BRAD

Wow, coworker, I see how it is. That's cold.

AYUSH

You're right, I'm sorry. Would you like to come over now, I still have some left.

BRAD

And apparently, none of us were on mute. On a completely unrelated note, I have to end this briefing now.

CHUCK

Wait, can I join?

AYUSH

Of course, just bring your own piece. We don't want to catch the 'Rona.

Comedy Type: Humor Type: Comedy Scene:
4 Person
Script Length: Post date: Script Market:
Private
Permission for use:
Permission required

Author's Message

Inspired by some of the quarantines early madness presidential corona briefings. It's a bit longer than it needs to be but I hope you find it funny.

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4 Person 10m Comedy Skits - Corona Task Force Briefing