(3m)   by JayTay93

Comedy Skits   (57557 Views 15 Comments)

South of Spring Valley ?Cheese?

(Scene opens with Paul ordering from Marshburger, a restaurant he is somewhat familiar with but has never been to)

Cashier: Hello, Welcome to Marshburger, how can I help you today!

Paul: Yeah uh..could I have a sec to look at the menu? It?s my first time here. Any suggestions?

Cashier: Anything with cheese.

Paul: Okay?well I?ll have a number four please.

Cashier: Great! Would you like cheese with that?

Paul: No thank you, I am lactose intolerant. Do you have change for a twenty?

Cashier: Yes sir, would you like cheese with that?

Paul: With?my change? No?why would I want cheese with that.

Cashier: Well because it?s cheese, duh.

Paul: I see?well never mind, I?ll just pay with debit. Do you have cash back?

Cashier: Of course, and this comes with cheese, is that okay sir?

Paul: No, that doesn?t even make sense. What is with you and cheese?

Cashier: Is that rhetorical or are you looking for an answer?

Paul: I would like an answer!

Cashier: Alright, and would you like cheese with that sir.

Paul:?That?s it, can I speak to the manager?

Cashier: No problem, and would yo-


Manager: (approaching) What is with all the commotion, is there a problem?

Paul: Yes there?s a problem?.ugh never mind. I don?t want to get anyone in trouble, I was just wondering if you have cash back.

Manager: Yes we do, now would you like provolone, cheddar, or American with that sir.

Paul: Alright, where are the cameras, haha, you got me. I?m on some show or something right? Because that is the ONLY LOGICAL EXPLANATION THERE CAN BE FOR THIS ACCURSED FOOD ESTABLISHMENT, AND ITS OBSESSION WITH CHEESE.

Manager: I am sorry sir, there are no cameras, but we can give you some complimentary mozzarella for your troubles.

Paul:?.Fine. You win. I?ll take all your damn cheese.

Cashier: Is that a threat?

Manager: 911!!!!!!!

Paul: What? No I meant-

(Police rapidly arrive immediately on scene)

Police 1: What seems to be the problem here.

Paul: If anyone should be calling the authorities it should be me, I am lactose intolerant and they keep forcing cheese on me!

Manager: He threatened to take all our cheese.

Police 2: Hm. Dairy Larceny in the third degree. That can get you 25 years son. (Grabbing Paul away)

Paul: (while being taken) I was not threatening them! I swear. I am lactose intolerant. I don?t like cheese! I wish cheese was NEVER invented! Cheese has brought nothing but evil to this world and I wish I could destroy all the cheese there ever was!

Police 1: Watch your mouth, there are children present. Criminals these days have no decency. Now get in there with that scum of society. (throws Paul in cop car with another individual)

Paul: *sigh*. What are you in for?

Convict: I can?t stand Nutella.

Paul:?.GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!

(end scene)

Comedy Type: Humor Type: Script Length: Post date: Script Market:

Author's Message

I thought of this while in a Five Guys' as my friend complained that he shouldnt have had to ask for cheese on his cheeseless bacon burger, it should already be assumed.

Copyright Statement



Submitted by 1 (not verified) on Fri, 06/13/2014 - 19:35
Submitted by Nikhila (not verified) on Mon, 06/23/2014 - 00:27
Meaningless!!!!!!!! I think if the conclusion would be strong, then it would be better......... there is no base for this stupid concept.....
Submitted by Awesome girl (not verified) on Sun, 07/13/2014 - 22:36
Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo funny totally cracked me up!
Submitted by CDwyerComedy on Mon, 09/29/2014 - 23:36
I liked it, I can really picture this being a seen on the show "Bo Jack Horseman".
Submitted by Random (not verified) on Sat, 10/11/2014 - 19:27
Can i use this script for a school project
Submitted by Janelle (not verified) on Fri, 11/07/2014 - 03:26
Can I use this skit for a school project. I may be shown in front of the class, but that would be it.
Submitted by PINEAPPLESFORLIFE on Tue, 11/25/2014 - 14:08
I really thought this script was really cool and some friends of mine were planning on preforming a skit for our drama camp and we're hoping to do this one. If you can get back to us as soon as possible, that would be great! Thanks!
Submitted by Jordan (not verified) on Wed, 11/26/2014 - 15:23
Anyone can use this for whatever!
Submitted by Kristi (not verified) on Thu, 12/04/2014 - 06:22
Based on a true story right? :) I like your thinking. Mind if I modify and use the script for a church event? I love creative thinking, and you my friend have found the art.
Submitted by Madeline (not verified) on Thu, 05/14/2015 - 15:22
Hi, I really love this script, could I use it for my schools talent show? I'm fourteen, and I don't know very much about rights. therected is no admission to our talent show.
Submitted by Madeline (not verified) on Thu, 05/14/2015 - 15:23
Oops, I meant there
Submitted by shakurashird on Mon, 01/04/2016 - 01:32
Hello, I love This!!. Its really funny, May I use it for a school project?
Submitted by dwayne on Thu, 01/07/2016 - 16:55
Haha, this was great. Keep it up! God bless!
Submitted by Doop (not verified) on Sun, 05/15/2016 - 18:07
Submitted by Doop (not verified) on Sun, 05/15/2016 - 18:07

3m Comedy Skits - Cheese