Tony: The Main Mobster. The boss.
Franky: Tonies Bodyguard and friend.
Percy: A young rugged gangster
Jeremy: Percies friend and partner in crime
Arthur: Employee at store.
Scene: Arthur is closing the store he works at when two mobsters walk in with accents. the place then is almost robbed by two teen gangsters and the mobsters pretty much tell them. Your doing it wrong!
Arthur: ( on the phone ) yes...yes okay.....I'll make sure to enjoy my weekend sir. I can't thank you enough for the raise! I can't wait to go home and tell my family! okay......yeah.....you enjoy your weekend now! Bye. ( hangs up and starts organizing )
( Tony and Franky walk in laughing )
Tony: And then I said!, " ITS NOT YOU ITS ME"
( laughs harder )
Franky: Oh man this place is empty
Arthur: Thats cause we are close to closing. Welcome to Carlitos can I get you something to drink?
Tony: Whoa Whoa whoa whoa! (puts up hands)
Franky: Sheesh! ( turns around puts hand in his hair )
Arthur: Is there a problem?
Tony: Two as a matter of fact
Franky: Definitely two ( holds up two fingers )
Tony: First of all!
Tony: Its Carlitos! ( says it very fluent ) Not Carlitos! You say it like your a woman!
Franky: Very feminine.
Tony: Secondly! Its a bar! OF COURSE your gonna get me something to drink! The proper question is, WHAT would you like?
Arthur: I'm sorry sir ( laughing ) What would...
Franky: (interrupting) NOPE! We gotta start everything over!
Tony: Okay but just from the door ( jogs to door )
Arthur: Ha, can't wait to tell the guys about this one.
Tony: And then I said, "Its not you its me!"
Franky: ( weak laugh ) It was funnier the first time
Arthur: Hello Welcome to...
Franky: WAIT, till were at the counter!
(Franky slowly walks over to the counter, stands in front of it, then rests his elbows on it and smiles at Arthur)
Arthur: Welcome to Caarrrrlitos how can I help you?
(Tony glares at Arthur while Franky makes a worried face and looks away)
Tony: You making fun of me?
Arthur: What are you talking about?
Tony: Caaaarrrrlitos? You mean disrespect?
Arthur: I meant no disrespect!
Franky: He meant disrespect!
Arthur: I meant no disrespect! I was just sayin it how you said it!
Tony: You sayin i sounded like a babbling idiot?!
Arthur: I am not!
Franky: Pissin him off!
Tony: Do you have any idea who I am?
Arthur: No...I ( confused )
Franky: The mans ignorant!
Tony: I am Tony! You don't screw with Tony!
Arthur: I'm truly sorry sir! Please I was joking around that's all!
Franky:.......he sounds sincere (long pause)
Tony: Ah okay. But just this once! I'm not to nice when it comes to handing out forgiveness!
Franky: No he's not!
Tony: Next time I'll have to bop ya!
Arthur: I'm sorry did you say......bop me?
Tony: Yeah! Right in the kisser!
Arthur: (sarcastically) I'll make sure not to mess up again.
(bursts in door)
Jeremy: ALL YOU ON THE GROUND!
Arthur: OH CRAP! (puts his hands on his head and balls up)
( Franky and Tony stare at each other then burst into laughing)
Franky: (laughing) HORRIBLE ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE!
Tony: (laughing) JUST WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE?
( Percy, Arthur and Jeremy completely confused )
Percy: What.........What is this? ( regaining authority ) I said ON THE GROUND!
Franky: Oh shut your mouth and save your breath
Tony: Seriously kid. whew. Okay so may I list the things wrong with this situation?
Arthur: Please do I'm lost!
Tony: Firstly! Barging in her is not only loud! But its rude and not professional (counting actions on his fingers)
Franky: Very childish!
Jeremy: Excuse me?!
Tony: It does not instill the... how do i say this. MAXIMUM amount of fear!
Franky: You gotta walk in sit down, then when he's close you point your gun at him but never EVER put your gun point-blank!
Jeremy: Thats stupid why not!
( tony rips the gun from Percies hand unloads it and throws it offstage )
Franky and Tony: (jokingly) Know who you're dealing with! ( laughs )
Arthur: What is going on here?!( standing up but still scared )
Jeremy: Yeah but you missed one thing! I still have a gun!
Franky: Big deal! I've been shot so many times it dont even hurt anymore!
Percy: Are we robbing an insane asylum?!
Jeremy: Yeah! Do you not realize i could kill you right now?!
Tony: You threatening me? you want me to bop you?
Franky: oohh You done it now!
Arthur: Not this again.
Jeremy:........did you say.....bop?
Tony: Yeah! Either I'll have to bop you or Big Franky here will have to get ya with a right cross! show em your right Franky!
Franky: ( holds up left hand ) Right Cross!
Tony: Thats your left numbnuts!
Franky: ( holds up right ) Right Cross!
Percy: Hey Morons! He has a gun!
Franky: ( walks over and takes the gun from Jeremy without question ) Give me this thing! What is this a twenty-two? What do you think I am a one-legged rabbit? ( unloads and throws offstage )
Arthur: Are you guys like undercover cops or something?
(a long painful silence as Franky and Tony process what he just said)
Tony: ARE YOU STUPID!?
Franky: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM!
Tony: WE ARE A SYSTEM OF ORGANIZED CHAOS!
Franky: WORLDS GREATEST RIGHT CROSS!
Tony: And you compare us to the very enemy which takes a good forty percent of our income?
Arthur: Touchy touchy!
Percy: Are you guys like Mafia?
Franky: Yes, we are like Mafia.
Percy: This is definitely a mistake we gotta go!
Franky: You step near that door and i swear, I will bop you SO hard!
(the two decide to stand still)
Tony: When you rob a place, know who your dealing with
Franky: Secondly! You may as well have walked in with water guns! a nine millimeter at the least!
Percy: Can we just leave please! we promise we'll never rob again!
Franky: So now your lying to me!
Jeremy: No we swear!
Tony: Were not just gonna let you waltz on out of here you do know that right?
Jeremy: What are you gonna fight us?
Franky: No I don't wanna kill you! Tony does though.
( Tony runs and hits them both and they fall on the ground in agony and goes to tie up Arthur. Jeremy and Percy moan and groan )
Arthur: OUCH! I'm glad i didn't get on your bad side!......................why are you tying my to this post?
Tony: Can't risk it so you gotta stay here with the morons and we'll leave. I guess the Brewski will have to wait for another time.
Frank: Nice meeting you here's a little tip ( leans down like he's gonna say something. instead reaches in his pocket and throws some spare change at him )
( Frank and Tony exit)
Percy: I guess we better get out of here. (stand up holding where they were hit)
Jeremy: Yeah....my insides hurt
Percy: Shut up you wimp
Voice: POLICE COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!
(before they can act police come in and take them away not noticing Arthur)
Arthur: Helloooooo............Anyoone? I have spare change! Drinks on me! Please? Well at least I got a raise.