When you've lost your map and compass and the storm is at its height,
When you've fallen from a cliff-top in the middle of the night,
And the cat fell out the window of the thirty-second floor
And it landed on your head as you came in through the front door,
And you mucked about all day at work and then you got the sack,
The toast you made for breakfast was a crispy golden black,
The car ran out of petrol and the last bus left last week,
You can't give way, you have to say / In a high-pitched angry shriek:
Oh, I give up, yes I give up, there's nothing I can do,
If you were as fed up as me, I know you'd give up too,
I'm cold and ill and miserable, I'm going to sit and howl,
Oh, life is sh^t, I'm tired of it, I'm throwing in the towel.
When the neighbour's dog gets through the fence and digs up half the flowers,
Your daughter's on the telephone for hours and hours and hours,
The house was struck by lightning and the rafters are in flames,
Your local railway company has changed to Virgin Trains,
Your favourite TV show has been cancelled for the week,
You ran clean out of tea-bags and the kettle sprang a leak,
Your girlfriend ran away and wed a Russian oligarch,
Life's full of disappointments so try whistling in the dark,
Oh, I give up, yes I give up, there's no point going on,
Resistance is quite useless and my fortitude has gone,
I'm sick and tired and so fed up, there's no hope for me now,
Oh, life it sh^t, I'm tired of it, I'm throwing in the towel.
Your football team has lost a match by seventeen to nil,
They cut the power off because you didn't pay the bill,
The chip shop has sold out of chips, the pub sold out of beer,
The bathroom's locked, the toilet's blocked, it needs an engineer,
The water's rising rapidly, it's reached the window sill,
The air is full of smoke and gas and stuff that makes you ill,
It's time to launch the lifeboats, time to cry "Abandon ship!"
The bets are lost, so count the cost while cashing in your chips.
Oh, I give up, yes I give up, my life has gone to hell,
I've lost my tin of spinach and the opener as well,
I need the patience of a saint, the wisdom of an owl,
My life it sh^t, I'm tired of it, I'm throwing in the towel.
I give up, yes I give up, that's all that I can stand,
I've reached the outer limit in this green and ghastly land,
My life has gone from bad to worse,
I'm making progress in reverse,
I can't think of another verse
And no-one gives a tinker's curse
It's absolutely foul,
My life is sh^t, I'm tired of it, I'm throwing in the towel.