Worst Employee

Worst Employee

(1m)   by amanduh
 

Comedy Monologues   (51069 Views 3 Comments)

Hello, good evening my name is Amanda and I am mentally ill-yeah, life's great. I should mention that now that you know I am mentally ill it would be totally inappropriate to laugh at me. No wait a second-go ahead I could use the money. Don't forget to leave your contact info on your seats. Yep. So I am what the mental health world calls a 'consumer/survivor.' I couldn't think of a more fitting title-you have no idea how many drugs I had to consume to survive.

It would be easier for me to tell you what I don't have than what I do. That is everything but psychosis and a personality disorder. I have to tell you that the worst thing is agoraphobia-ironically I am afraid to leave my house.

What you may ask is an agoraphobic doing up on a stage on a crowd? There are several reasons;

The first reason is that I really needed to vent and I am not catholic and my shrink upped his fees.

Don't get me wrong, I have people to talk to-I just have to pay them 175$ an hour.

The second reason I am standing before you is strictly financial-I made a business decision-if people were going to laugh at me anyways I might as well get paid for it.

As you probably figured I am unemployed. I have had some jobs in the past-I have. Apparently I am not that good of an employee.

And no, I am not being hard on myself. I cannot get any references from past employers for some reason.

I mean, like who here hasn't gotten baked before working a shift at a shitty job or gotten a little buzzed to make things more tolerable? Big fucking deal.

So what I lost an alzheimers patient in the psych hospital I was working for-I have ADHD for fuck sakes.

It's not my fault I stole cookies intended for seniors and stuffed some in my purse; I mean they were Voortman cookies; that and I have binge eating disorder.

Anyways, my gig is up-thanks for letting me vent. Oh and don't forget your contact info-I'll be in touch. Laughing at a mentally ill person-how dare you?

Comedy Type: Script Length: Post date: Script Market:
Public

Author's Message

I like to find humor in my life as a person with mental health issues

Copyright Statement



Comments

   

Submitted by unknown (not verified) on Mon, 12/19/2016 - 00:09
not good
Submitted by unknown (not verified) on Tue, 01/31/2017 - 12:37
It's pretty funny, but careful about offending ppl. I'm personally not, but you know how ppl are..
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1m Comedy Monologues - Worst Employee