I opened my eyes and I saw that I was lying on this beautiful beach. Suddenly I saw someone looking down at me and then I saw more people. They started shouting 'U Food Aah', U Food Aahh' and carried me over to their village. How did I land up here? In the service of His Majesty the 'King of England' I sailed from York and a storm hit us near Carribean and I was lost in the sea. Here I was among these savages and they were shouting 'U Food Aah', 'U Food Aah'. "I must be in Japan" I thought by the sound of the word. Then I looked around and saw all of them are naked. No girl was wearing a school uniform!! 'Then this must not be Japan' I surmised. They must be some tribals!! They laid me down still shouting the same word. If you have only one word in your language then you should at least have a dictionary. They pointed to a huge vessel full of water. 'Oh!! they are going to give me soup' , I thought. "Soup" I said , they started laughing , they started pointing to me saying "Soup","Soup" and then again went ranting 'U Food Aah'. Soon they lifted and put me in the vessel. 'Ohh wow!! , a bath' I said. They started heating the vessel. 'Ohh wow!! a hot water bath', I said. In they started putting turnips, carrots , peas and .. then it stuck me! These are cannibals.' Jesus Christ !! , don't remove my clothes', I said. Have some decency while eating! They went for my pant first , perverts. 'No don't remove my pant', I pleaded !! There was something to be ashamed of inside the pant. All the whore houses of England knew this secret. Sir Hardly had the biggest testicle in whole of England but it hanged alone. It had no brother. Yes it worked great. Half the bastards roaming on the streets of York looked like me. Now that speaks a lot, doesn't it. But still I was ashamed and so I became a priest. The altar boys don't get to see it and the nuns can't discuss about it and I can have my fun. But here I was , they removed my pant. Suddenly all the village bowed down on ground. Ohh my god , these people want to have a look from ground. Perverts , I am really be in Japan then. Suddenly one of them shouted 'Uni Test U laa' , 'Uni Test U laa'. I could not figure out what , but one of them pointed to a big statue of some kind of pagan diety having only one testicle. Ohh I am so glad that I said no to the kick from the mule that the surgeon advised to split my apple into two. God you are great!! This pagan God is carrying a globe in his hand and these imbeciles think that the earth is round. That bastard Copernicus must have reached here before me. I will tell them the Biblical truth. That the earth is flat. They need me to evangelize them. Let me introduce 'DEMONCRACY' to them , so that they are under my control. 'Wow they are offering girls and fruits !! I am their god' I thundered. After that there was no turning back, I never wanted to go to England, I stayed here forever. If you are reading this then you would have got the message that I put in a bottle and let it float. Say Hello!! to the King of England. This is 'Uni Test U laa' , the king of 'Uni Test U Laa Land'.