Trump University Senior Seminar
ENG 4455 The Cheating Process
[The Professor strides into the lecture hall, pacing back and forth. He begins to preach, gesturing at the students in the front rows.]
"To be a great cheater takes practice. Hard work, and the will to cheat when there seems to be nothing else left to gain: to find way to get something free. This is no joke. One must strive to be a great cheater. To learn every trick and every scam and eventually think of their own unique scam and present it as part of their doctoral thesis, before receiving a forged diploma from the swankiest of all universities: Trump University. "
[sidenote: Trump University is also the only university on the planet that offers a doctorate in scamming and convincing trickery.]
"But you, you piece of shit, do NOT have what it takes to be a great cheater, do you? your forefathers, the greatest cheaters in the world, they got down on their hands and knees and dug down, with their filthy fucking hands, to be the lowest of the low, but you..."
[spits on the floor]
"That's you! you lazy scumbag, you're no cheat! you, you think can sit around quietly waiting for some shortcut, some key to fall into your hand so you can literally and figuratively open the safety deposit box of hidden secrets of cheating, thereby exploiting the system of learning how to cheat by suckering in future cheaters, cheating them, and then showing them how to cheat others?? Is that what you think??"
[Students look around at each other, nodding.]
"Congratulations. You passed."