Successful Failure

Successful Failure

(1m)   by Dan Brand
 

Comedy Monologues   (3257 Views 0 Comments)

At some point in my life I decided to not be good at anything. Everything is too much work! I wanted to be an actor on Broadway. A successful play can run for 20 years, which means I'd have to repeat the same lines, maybe twice a day, 7 days a week for TWENTY YEARS! Ohhh, noooo. I'd kill myself first.

How about being in the movies? Well, before going into production, a good actor will eat, sleep, and become the character he's about to play. That's gotta be really annoying for family members? I imagine Ben Affleck walking around the house while endlessly repeating, "I'm the Batman! I'm the Batman! I'm the Batman!" Which is why I imagine his wife (Jennifer Garner) kept saying, "I want a divorce! I want a divorce! I want a divorce!"

Even worse is when it's a Halle Berry about to play Cat Woman. "I'm Cat Woman! MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW! HISSSSS!" Who could stand a couple months of that?!

ANIMAL PROTECTION AGENCY

Halle's son [points to mom]: Yeah, um, I don't want this animal anymore.
Agent: Sir, that's a human.
Halle's son: Tell him, mom.
Halle: I'm Cat woman! MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW HISSSSS!
Agent: We'll put her down right away for you.

I think being a comedian is the worst career in the entertainment industry. No matter where you go there's always someone that says, "So, you're a comedian, eh? Say something funny."
That never happens with people in any other field. "So, you're an actor, eh? Play Batman." "So, you're a dentist, eh? Show me how you drill a cavity."

No sirree, I'll stay a manual laborer, thank you, which means I've been a successful failure throughout all of my life.

 

Comedy Type: Humor Type: Comedy Scene:
1 Person
Script Length: Post date: Script Market:
Public
Permission for use:
Permission required

Author's Message

Sad how close to the truth this is for me. Dead-on, actually.

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1 Person 1m Comedy Monologues - Successful Failure