I've always wanted to be one of those guys who can just start up a conversation with anyone...Doesn't matter if they are a stranger, a cashier, a waiter...I've always envied those super sociable people who just seem to flawlessly communicate their way through life! ....So yesterday I'm waiting in line at a supermarket and I overhear two customers ahead of me talking about having a gay brother; so I try chiming in and say " Hey I have a gay friend! His name is Maxi-Pads! Great guy! Love gays, love em!" - Then it's an awkward silence. "Get it? Like a menstrual pad? Funny nickname right?" They give me the fuck off look. "Sorry for interrupting". What the fuck am I doing? Dammit being a socially confident person isn't as easy as I thought it would be. So Anyways I go back to staring at the floor and the two friends continue talking. Now I overhear them talking about a guy named JaMarcus...This is my next moment to try and leap into their conversation. So I say "Hey I know a black scientist! His name JaQuinn. He's black and a scientist." Their just like what the fuck man! Stop trying to talk to us! Can't you see we are having an intimate personal conversation. We don't fucking know you...You ever notice that for whatever reason when describing someone to somebody you feel the need to list their ethnicity and sexuality. It doesn't matter the occupation. He could be the king of Israel and you would still be like, "Oh you know that black king of Israel?" Or "Oh he's that gay actor".
Anyways I found this app on my phone that gives me an electric shock every time I try to be sociable/outgoing/or embarrassing in a public setting. So far it's working well; just sucks when my neighbor Bill sticks his head over the backyard fence exposing his "Make America Great Again" hat. App senses that retard shit from a mile away. and I go ZAP-ZINGGGGGG-ZZAPPP-SHOCKA-SHOCKA!
People are dumb. I'm dumb. But you know what I really like. Dumb chicks. They just have this way of making you feel better. - And that's a rap...