Neighbor

Neighbor

(5m)   by ballekumar
 

Comedy Monologues   (29111 Views 0 Comments)

I wish I was in hell because that would mean you as my neighbor would be there too.  I hate you! I hate you not only because of what you have done but also because what you have not done. Like you don't chain your dog and he keeps jumping on me like I am his bitch. He tried to hump me that day, when I was sunbathing! I would have forgiven you for that but the fact that you have not yet got rid of your wife is unforgivable. She keeps on telling on me to my already suspicious wife and my wife has kept me under a surveillance. My wife thinks that I have affair with another MAN because she is fat. Yes my wife has gained a few pounds but I told her it's just that some mass has shifted from her brain to her belly. Happens all the time!! I am sure you are familiar about that , it seems this is quite common in your family. Your son keeps the volume of the music high and that too at night. He said that he is trying to send signal to aliens. Though I believe that it is true because he looks a lost member of some alien tribe from some remote galaxy where 'UGLY' is 'BEAUTIFUL'. Your daughter keeps on competing with my daughter on everything from grades to size of dress and everything else. She keeps on teasing my daughter about the fact that my daughter has no boyfriend. The fact that your daughter is 25 years elder than mine doesn't matter to her.My daughter is just 3. Leave her alone!! Your father has to be institutionalized. I swear I saw him eating grass. When I asked him about that , he said its good for health.That is perfectly normal considering its your family but what makes me say so is that he was eating grass at 3 am and that too the grass below my bedroom window.Everyone is scared of him!  Why don't you rent him as an extra to any horror film crew? He would be the perfect cast for a castrated zombies. You can try there as well. Your mom tries to hit on me. She tries to call me home to fix one thing or other. She told me that her husband is not interested in doing anything but would like to WATCH anything, absolutely anything. She is 88 years old and says she is only 69 because she likes 69. She keeps on humming 'Summer of 69'  when I am around. And you , you steal my mail , why would you do that?  The ones hanging around my house are not cylindrical bulbs but are cameras. We have a slideshow of you alone stealing our mails. Now you have trained your dog also to do so!! The only member of your family who doesn't disturb us is your aunt who is buried in your front yard. I am sure she committed suicide.  But dude she stinks and do you even know why your dog has a new bone to chew every day. I hate you all!!

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5m Comedy Monologues - Neighbor