Description: You are picking up your boyfriend/girlfriend for your first date. You are sitting in the minivan in front of their house trying to work up the courage to go up to the door, ring the bell and get the date started. Your nervous and scared and would love to just turn around and go home.But then again? your love is waiting only a short distance away?
Well, here I am, (sits in car for a while) I guess I should go up to the door now. (Tries to get up but seatbelt holds you down) oh? right I forgot about the seatbelt (unbuckles seatbelt and goes out car door) Here I go (starts walking forwards, turns around in alarm) OH NO I FORGOT TO PARK MY CAR!!!! (Runs to car jumps dramatically inside and parks) Whew (wipes hand on forehead and looks at hand in alarm seeing sweat) Oh crap I?m all sweaty! Now he?s going to think I don?t shower! Although today was the first time. Oh that?s right my mom the scientist just invented a new perfume! (Opens car door and takes out a bottle) Hmmmmm this doesn?t look right, why is it all green and IS THAT A TOAD!!!! Well? I guess if my mom uses it, it should be okay. (Sprays all over body then smells) wait what is this OH NO this is my mom?s pickled toad she was taking home for an experiment! Hmm maybe if I jump in some snow it will wipe off the smell (looks around back of car) Hey! There?s 4 feet of snow here that will cushion my fall! (Leaps behind car) OOOUUUUUUCCCCCHHHHH there was a fire hydrant underneath that!!!!!Goes around the car clutching side) well at least the smell came off and oddly enough I?m totally dry... except for? oh no! He?s gonna think I wasn?t potty trained (crosses legs and puts arms over ?the spot?) But I was at 14 months? ago. Maybe if I just stand like this he won?t notice (strikes weird pose with legs crossed) I mean we?re gonna be sitting down the whole date right that?s what he said on the not??. (Stares at piece of paper you just pulled out of pocket) WHAT! Oh crap we?re going to Kiddy Fun Land! Oh man that place is scary!!!!! It?s not the clowns, no that?s just weird I mean who on earth is afraid of clowns? No it?s those HORIZONTAL STRIPES ON THE TENTS!!!! I mean really nobody wears horizontal stripes these days just look at me I?m no?? (Looks down at shirt) Awww man now it makes me look fat! (Ha-ha) but not as fat as that man the window with the beard. Wait why is another man coming into the room, and why is the man with the beard wearing a t-shirt that says # 1 mom? Ooooohhhhhh nnnnoooooo. If she?s ugly and that?s his mom, then why isn?t he ugly? Wait maybe it skips a generation. But then my grandchildren will be ugly!!!!!!! I?ll just have to break up with him, but I don?t want to be mean. I know I?ll tell him I have a rare disease that makes it impossible for me to date people with red hair. But I can?t lie I mean I don?t lie, well except for that one time I drowned my brother?s goldfish and told him that aliens came down and strangled the poor thing, but that was one time ONE TIME!!!! Well you know maybe I?ll jus?.. Wait the man woman is coming out of the house! Oh here I?ll hide behind this bush jumps behind bush and whispers to her/himself) I?ll just stay here until he I mean she goes back insi?. (Looks up) Oh hello Ma?am (stands up and walks around bush) I am just the uh?? the um?.. City bush inspector (says to him/herself) yah yah that?s believable. Now Ma?am I must say I am going to have to give you and your bush a ticket. (Pause) Why? Well because I do not think that this is a real bush, I think it?s a fake! I mean look at it all green and leafy and smelling like nature! So unnatural! I will have to get your address for future bush complications (pulls out paper and pen) now let?s see its 1171?.5!?!?!? Oh (glance at house next to it, and talks to self) oh well I was supposed to be at 11713? Well you know I?ll just be leaving right now, just give you and your bush some alone time. (Walks towards car then turns around pointing at bush) But I?m still not buying that that is a bush! (Turns around and walks into car) Oops well that was embarrassing (climb into car and checks watch) Well I?m already an hour late might as well call it a night (pretends to drive off)