Camping

Camping

(4m)   by restisaweapon
 

Comedy Monologues   (59588 Views 21 Comments)

Any campers here? I hate camping...

I like the fresh air idea.

But the problem with camping is leaving the comforts of home.

Soft beds, heated rooms and flush toilets.

Now a days you don't need to leave all that behind.

You can pack them with you.

They're called RV's

Bus sized rolling homes.

Problem with RV's is they're so big you can't get into campsites

So you end up enjoying the great outdoors of Wal-Mart's parking lot.

The rest of us 'real campers' will pass on big box store camping.

And grab our tents to head out in the bush

I don't miss the comforts so much, but I hate being dirty

And the bugs...

When you arrive the bugs are all rubbing they're little tentacle hands

Waiting for you to get out of the car.

Their short little lives have been leading up to this.

Having trained on a bunch of tuff skinned wild animals.

There eager to dig into some choice pieces of tenderloin.

Campsite bugs are different than city bugs.

Unlike city mosquitoes and their syringe needle pokers

These deep woods bugs are carnivores.

Horse flies, Black flies, with teeth that bite chunks out of you.

Cuz they don't want blood they want steak.

As you all get out of the car, they see an all you can eat buffet.

But we're not so stupid

We came prepared.No bug's gonna stop us.

We want some of this great outdoors too ya know!

So the first thing we do when we arrive?

Cover ourselves with liquid poison.

Oh, and a layer of chemical sunscreen to complete our human biohazard cocktail.

Cooking in the dirt is always a treat too.

With the bugs no longer interested in us, they start flying over that food we're cooking.

They can't resist getting closer...and that's when it happens...

Comedy Type: Script Length: Post date: Script Market:
Private

Author's Message

Pass the remote control will ya

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Comments

   

Submitted by taalz95 on Wed, 05/04/2011 - 01:26
Can i please use this fo rmy drama assessment? would help me out heaps !
Submitted by man2sting (not verified) on Tue, 09/20/2011 - 20:16
Inspiring. Just more than enough to tickle everyone's fancy. Not quite enough time to fool around by having a few-minute comedy script. I wanna try mine later, I hope. Best luck, Don!
Submitted by JZmoke on Sat, 12/10/2011 - 11:43
Hello Mr.McDonald, Im JZmoke and coming up in February 2012, there is an annual speech meet coming up. There are topics to choose from and I chose the humorous monolohue section and so I went online and found your monologues. They seemed pretty funny and entertaining and so I ask if I can use this entry for this speech meet.
Submitted by JZmoke on Sat, 12/10/2011 - 11:46
Can I use this entry? Thank you in advance.
Submitted by aedmundsfla on Wed, 12/14/2011 - 03:29
May my daughter use this for her 6th grade drama class monologue? She found it "AWESOME", and trust me, we have been reading lots. Love your sense of humor!
Submitted by elizabeth_ivy@y... on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 06:18
I need a monologue and I have been looking all over the internet and I havent been able to find anything until now and its great I would love to use it if you dont mind:)
Submitted by Misha Cherniske (not verified) on Thu, 05/17/2012 - 04:38
May I use this for my acting class?
Submitted by Madison (not verified) on Tue, 08/07/2012 - 15:24
May I please use this for my acting class and possibly and audition piece?
Submitted by Izzybell on Thu, 09/06/2012 - 11:34
Do you think I can use this for my drama club audition!? It's very good and I havent found any good comedy monologues.
Submitted by megaomega5 on Sun, 09/09/2012 - 15:34
I would love to use this as my comedic monologue to audition for. Ive done lots of camping so i totally get the material.
Submitted by hashbrown (not verified) on Sun, 12/30/2012 - 09:10
I would LOVE it if I could use this piece for my Forensics solo acting piece this year!!! I would have to add some of my own words so I could make it longer! But every time I read this piece, I cannot help myself from laughing! It would be great if I could use this! Thank You!!
Submitted by restisaweapon on Tue, 01/01/2013 - 08:59
Sure Hashbrown, To see the full version you need to join the site and add me as a friend. Don
Submitted by maintainbalance on Mon, 02/25/2013 - 11:58
May i use this for a competition
Submitted by kayraelud on Tue, 05/14/2013 - 00:58
hello, I have to do a monologue from a comedian and read their script and it must be a minimum of 4 minutes. Would I be able to use this full script?
Submitted by J8yo on Sat, 10/05/2013 - 11:45
Great stuff - reminds me how much I hate camping...
Submitted by hsu.francs on Sun, 10/06/2013 - 17:13
Hi Mr McDonald, I love your work and I was wondering if I could use this piece in my drama class
Submitted by eleanor (not verified) on Wed, 01/15/2014 - 09:42
hi may I use this for my speech class?
Submitted by Alp (not verified) on Sun, 07/26/2015 - 16:06
Don, I loved this monolog, can I use it to help me in a homework?
Submitted by jwaring (not verified) on Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:49
My son has an assignment to do a monologue for his high school drama class and I was wondering if you would let him use your camping monologue. Thanks, JWaring
Submitted by Don McDonald (not verified) on Mon, 11/16/2015 - 15:18
Hi Jwaring He's welcome to use it. To get the full version join the site, friend me and that will give you access. Don
Submitted by TrinaCR on Fri, 02/16/2018 - 12:06
My teen son would love to perform this for a community youth 4-H showcase. How does he get permission and the remainder of the script?

4m Comedy Monologues - Camping