Back In The Day

Back In The Day

(5m)   by JonKohan

Comedy Monologues   (51099 Views 2 Comments)

My grandfather was a very nice man. He was also a very skinny man. You see back in his day he had to walk everywhere because our forefathers had no clue how to build small towns and cities. Now a days if you want something to eat you go to the gas station two doors down. If you want to rent a movie you walk out your door then make a left and in four steps you'll be checking out all the new releases. (if you haven't seen Snakes on a Train, a made for TV movie, I highly recommend it. Technically it's not a new release but lets not nitpick)

Back in the day you had to walk miles to just go to school. After school you had to walk miles just to go home and did I mention where ever you wanted to go it always involved you walking up a hill in the snow, no matter what time of year it was. We have it to easy now a days and that's why we're all become huge.

We need to rid the world of computers (after you read this and comment of course). We all sit around and do everything from our computers. We want something to eat, order it online. We want to read the news paper, don't go out side, read it online. You want to be a pedophile, do it online.

Back in the olden days, a.k.a. my grandfather's time, if you wanted to be a hug perv you had to go outside and walk or drive to the local middle school and hangout by you're 1952 Chevy Malibu (might have not been around in 1952, but like I said at the beginning...) with your denim jacket, smoking a cigarette and acting cool to pick up the ladies, or if you worked at the local church, pick up the hot boys.

With the internet you can be a pedophile online with cool screen name like, mesohorny69. Interesting fact, every person that commits a sex crime online has the number 69 in their sn. Examples: hotlovin69...bigboolover69...iwasbornin69. If we would ban computers or at least the internet then we would have less pedophiles and less fat people, or at least less fat people.

The internet isn't the only problem though, Television can also be to blame for fats and pedophiles. We all want to be famous. We all want to be on the big silver screen. (which by the way ,every time I go the movies, the screen is white not silver.) Some of us would jump at the drop of a hat to have at least fifth teen minutes of fame, I'm talking to you Puck from the Real World. But some of us will never be lucky enough to be on the big White screen or on TV. That's until a show came around that let all of us have our fifth teen minutes of fame (and probably some prison time also)

Dateline: To Catch a Predator

If this was back in the day this show would probably never exists, but because of the internet and our fat selves not exercising this show is a hug hit. Those pervs I mentioned earlier find young kids a.k.a thirty-something year old police detectives and try to get them to meet them so they can have sex or "just talk". That's where the show comes in. American's love hidden camera shows so we tune in. what could be more exciting than a man going into a house where he things a young boy or girl is all alone only to find out that Chris Hansen is there with their chat logs and tons of questions he already has answers to. "Is that my brother", "...not the old librarian", we stay to ourselves when watching this show.

In the end the bad guy always goes to jail and sits in a jail ceil doing...nothing, except getting fat, sometimes raped, and most likely "CUT".

American lets learn for our forefather, because they did know best. Lets destroy the internet, movies, and television. Knock down our cities and build them over making sure everything is at least a three mile walk away from the next building, and began to live a more thinner life.

But let's end it there, our forefathers did have slaves, wooden teeth, and white wigs. And I don't know about you but if I had to pick between white wigs and being fat....bring on the bacon grease!!!

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Submitted by leah rose (not verified) on Mon, 01/28/2013 - 08:46
very funny but please check spelling mistakes
Submitted by Kendall King (not verified) on Fri, 11/15/2013 - 02:43
Hey. I am a currently a 10th grader and I was wondering if I could use your monologue "Back in the days" for a class assignment and competition? Thanks so much.

5m Comedy Monologues - Back In The Day