Woke Coffee

Woke Coffee

(5m)   by skp
 

Comedy Skits   (2720 Views 0 Comments)

INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY

A small independent coffee shop, empty of customers but clean and tidy. Jazz music plays, pro communist posters adorn the walls.

THREE employees work behind the counter. Each with bright neon dyed hair, one pink, one blue and the other green. Each is wearing a political messaged t-shirt in big bold letters.

'Fur is murder.' 'Smash the patriarchy.' 'Keep abortions legal.'

SOPHIE enters looking all business. Suit, workbag over her shoulder. Headphones in, phone in her hand. Looking like she's in a real hurry.

She scans around the coffee shop, marches straight up towards the counter.

SOPHIE

Large decaf latte please.

The blue haired worker comes up to the cash register and types in the order.

Pink and Green set about working together to make the drink.

SOPHIE

(smiling)

I love ice coffee but I'm getting fat. Apparently decaf is better for your heart.

Pink and green instantly stop what they're doing.

BLUE

(scowls)

We don't body shame here.

Sophie is taken aback.

SOPHIE

No. I mean, I'm talking about myself. I need to start living a little healthier.

(thinking to herself)

Brown sugar? Or white?

(smiles at blue)

Brown is healthier right? But white is so much better.

Pink and green both slowly take out their phones and start to film Sophie.

BLUE

Fat? White is better? Do you hear yourself right now?

Sophie starts to sweat, getting nervous.

SOPHIE

Are you guys filming me right now?

BLUE

(smug)

We have a YouTube channel. Educational. Anyone who comes into this shop and starts using hateful language we film them and upload it to teach people how to be better humans.

Sophie rolls her eyes.

SOPHIE

Sounds like a blast.

BLUE

Seven million subscribers.

Sophie swallows hard. Now very conscious of the filming duo.

SOPHIE

(nervous)

Seven million. Damn. Well, I'm not hateful. I'm pretty woke actually. My husband should be along any second so I'll just take my coffee and go.

BLUE

You're a racist aren't you?

SOPHIE

(panicked)

No, no, no. I've got black friends. I can name two of them off the top of my head right now.

BLUE

You count your black friends? Like how the slave owners who used to count their slaves?

SOPHIE

No, no, no. Not all of them are black. I'm friends with all kinds of different people. One of my friends is like, I think Chinese. From that part of the world anyway.

BLUE

You think? Oh, because all Asians must be Chinese right? That's how racists like you think isn't it?

SOPHIE

No, no, no. I'm not a racist. In fact I'll take mine with brown sugar. No white sugar for me. You ladies know brown tastes better right. Brown is way better. White is gross. Brown all the way please.

BLUE

Ladies? What makes you think any of us are ladies?

Sophie's mind is spinning. All three of the workers have breasts and are wearing women's clothes. With a limp hand she gestures weakly to their breasts.

SOPHIE

No, you're not ladies? Sorry.

BLUE

So you're transphobic and a racist?

SOPHIE

Jesus no.

BLUE

Jesus?

SOPHIE

Yes, as Jesus as my witness I am not a racist or hateful in any way. I swear.

BLUE

What about the profit Mohammed as your witness? Or any of the other marginalised religions. You're Islamophobic too?

SOPHIE

No, no, no. Of course not. I just wanted a coffee. Please. Just one coffee. Fill it up to the top with lovely brown sugar, make it Halal and vegan friendly. The lot. Over charge me. I just want my coffee and you'll never see me again. I promise.

The filming duo step closer, making sure to get close ups of Sophie's face.

MARK enters. He's all business too. Suit, sunglasses, computer bag over his shoulder.

He sees Sophie and comes right on over.

MARK

Hey babe.

Sophie just wants this nightmare to end.

Mark kisses Sophie on the side of the face. Then he turns his attention onto blue.

MARK

A filter coffee please.

BLUE

(suspicious)

Size?

MARK

Large. But with lots of milk in. I hate when a coffee is black.

BLUE

Hate?

Mark smiles innocently.

MARK

Yeah, I don't know how people drink black coffee, eww, gross. Basically, I want a glass of milk with caffeine in.

Sophie turns to Mark and slaps him across the face.

SOPHIE

Racist pig.

Sophie then reaches over to the pair filming her. She gently turns their phones so that they're now filming Mark instead of her.

SOPHIE

Make sure before you upload these videos you edit me out. You'll get way more views with just him. Talk to him. He's the racist, not me.

She takes out some cash and leaves it on the counter.

SOPHIE

Here's a tip.

Sophie makes a run for it. Racing out of the coffee shop.

Mark is left stunned and confused. The filming duo now getting their close ups of him.

BLUE

(furious)

So, you're a racist are you?

Mark watches Sophie escapes, he returns to the workers.

MARK

You're filming me?

They both nod.

BLUE

Damn right, racist.

MARK

Let me explain.

THE END

Comedy Type: Humor Type: Comedy Scene:
5 Person
Script Length: Post date: Script Market:
Public
Permission for use:
Permission required

Copyright Statement



Comments

No comments yet, be the first to write one!

   

5 Person 5m Comedy Skits - Woke Coffee