THE ORIGINS OF CIDER SONG
The serpent in the garden called out to Eve one day
You've got to try these apples girl they'll blow your mind away
Eve replied I'm not allowed, God said they were taboo
And anyway I'm sick of fruit, need something to chew
Show me a tree with Rib Eye steaks or a chicken nugget shrub
And Adam feels the same as me, we want some proper grub
The serpent fled from Eden, his tail between his legs
His boss Old Nick was furious, called him the dregs
Gods nudists are carnivores , there's nothing I can do
They say Granny Smiths are the pits, they just want barbecue
Evil Nick never missed a trick, told his snake to listen well
Apples when compared to meat is not always a hard sell
Just squeeze those little fuckers dry, and let the juice ferment
They'll lap it up like puppies and be forever content
Soon God gazed upon his garden, the apple tree was bare
Eve was puking on it, and Adam did not care
Shame on you my children, you desecrate the tree
As sinners you'll be punished, banished for eternity
Adam laughed, drank some more, fell off his rocking chair
Said Eves so drunk and paranoid, thinks I'm having an affair
Keep telling her she's crazy for we are all that exists
And I'd never shag a serpent, even if I was proper pissed
So listen God and listen good, mister high and mighty man
Loosen up and have a drink, I'll toss you up a can
Turned out God was an Alco, he couldn't get enough
He said this shit is a me send, the most precious stuff
You've lost your inhibitions, shame you do not feel
which is good for the future, incest won't be a big deal
Thanks to the power of cider, no one gives a dam
If they're in bed or even wed to their brother or their mam
Never heed the folk who say it is an evil brew
For if we did'nt have it there would be no me or you
