The Kiss

The Kiss

(6m)   by cinderella
 

Comedy Skits   (40305 Views 3 Comments)

The Kiss

Cast:

BOB: A mediocre actor presently in the role of TULSA in the production of "GYPSY."

DANA: Woman playing the role of the cow in "GYPSY."˜

Scene: Dana is in her dressing room, which is also used as a closet. She sits in front of her mirror, brushing her hair and looking glum. She wears the bottom of her cow costume.

Bob leaps in. He just completed his number.˜

BOB

Dana! Oh my god! It was great! I finally did that leap! You know, the one with the broom! Without falling! Ah! What an audience!˜

Dana continues brushing her hair, not looking at him.

BOB

Is something wrong?

DANA

I don?t think I can see you anymore.

BOB

What? Why not? What?s the matter?

Bob notices the mops and brooms.

BOB

Is this a closet?

DANA

You KISSED a MAN!

BOB

What? I kissed a man? Me? Bob ?Hercules? Vaughn? I?ve never kissed a man in my life!

Bob pauses

BOB

Well, I did give my uncle a few pecks on the cheek, but that?s only because he was dead.

DANA

(appalled) You kissed a corpse?

BOB

He was my uncle! I mean, I didn?t even want to. My mom made me. And let me tell you, it wasn?t easy! The old guy was just sitting there on his couch...it was creepy.˜

DANA

(disgusted)You kissed a corpse on a couch?

BOB

It?s an Australian thing! He was there for, like, a week before they took him away.˜

Dana looks disgusted.

Bob pauses, suspiciously.

BOB

Wait. Is this about me not getting Rocky Horror? Because if it is, you can just tell me! I mean, the only reason I didn?t get it is because they, they, they thought I was too large for women?s underwear!

DANA

(confused) Wait! What?

BOB

My package! (referring to his groin) I mean, they didn?t say that out loud, but I know that?s what it was. They kept staring?like I was some freak!˜

DANA

What? No! This isn?t about that at all!˜

BOB

It?s not?

DANA

I didn?t even know you auditioned for that!

BOB

Oh. Well what is it, then?

Dana is speechless trying to remember what she?d been talking about.

DANA

Doug! He said you kissed him! Is that true?˜

BOB

What? I never kissed....oh. Right.

Dana gasps and covers her mouth.

DANA

So you DID kiss him!

BOB

It was a scene in a play! I had to!

DANA

Did you have to stick your tongue down his throat, too?

Bob is stifled, momentarily.

BOB

Well I had to make it look real, didn?t I?

Dana gasps loudly, in outrage.

DANA

You are vile! That is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard!

She yells out, grunts as if in pain.

DANA

Get out! I never want to see you again!

BOB

I don?t understand! I only kissed him once! It...it...it didn?t mean anything!˜

DANA

I can?t be with a guy that?s kissed another MAN! I just couldn?t trust you!

BOB

What? What is THAT supposed to mean? That doesn?t even make sense! I just kissed him because it was part of the play! Lots of great actors have done the same thing!

DANA

Like who?

BOB

Well...like...that guy in the movie about the queer cowboys!˜

DANA

Yeah! Well that guy is gay!

BOB

He?s not gay!

DANA

Oh, he is SO GAY.

BOB

No he?s not! I saw him on an interview and...

Bob stops himself.

BOB

Is that what you?re afraid of? That I?m gay?

Dana is silent for a moment.

DANA

Are you?

BOB

Me? Bob ?Tarzan? Vaughn? No way!˜

Bob pauses.

BOB

You think that?s what people think? That I?m gay?

DANA

I don?t know what other people think!

BOB

Well, that could explain everything! I mean, why they gave the role to Kyle first....you know, before he got the crabs and dropped out. Because, you know, Tulsa runs off with June, so, you know, he can?t be gay...˜

DANA

Well maybe if you don?t want people thinking you?re gay, you shouldn?t go around kissing other guys!

He looks at her thoughtfully.˜

BOB

But?˜

Bob stops himself from arguing further.

BOB

Look. Maybe you?re right.

She softens.

DANA

Of course I?m right.

BOB

I mean, I know I shouldn?t kiss guys?even if it?s for a play.

He pulls her into his arms and they embrace.˜

BOB

Unless, of course, it?s for a movie or something...then maybe I can give the guy a peck on the cheek...

She looks at him.

BOB

I mean, you know, only if it?s written in the script. Because, a movie is...wow! A movie role is BIG! It?s not like you can do what you want...well, at least not before you?re a big star, like...Adam Sandler.˜

DANA

I guess you?re right.

They kiss, passionately.

Bob interjects with a conversation, which takes place as they lightly kiss each other.˜

BOB

Can I ask you a question?

DANA

Sure.

BOB

Are you a boggart?

DANA

What?

BOB

You know, a boggart. You don?t like gays.˜

Dana laughs.

DANA

Silly! You mean ?bigot?

BOB

Oh. Right. Well, are you? A bigot?

Dana stops kissing and looks thoughtful

DANA

Well, if being a bigot means that I think that homosexuality is a plague created by the devil to destroy humanity, I guess my answer is ?yes.?˜

BOB

Oh.

They embrace in silence.

DANA

Is something wrong?

BOB

Well, I don?t know...

DANA

Please tell me...

BOB

I know I shouldn?t get stuck on this, but I know people think I?m not good enough to play Tulsa.....that, that they should have given the part back to Kyle.....you know, after he got rid of the crabs. (shakes his head, sighing) I mean, I think when I?m out there as Tulsa, I AM TULSA! You know?

He looks at her with great seriousness.

Dana smiles.

DANA

Yeah. I know.˜

They kiss

End.

Comedy Type: Script Length: Post date: Script Market:
Public

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Comments

   

Submitted by YouGuysAreStalk... (not verified) on Fri, 10/14/2011 - 09:27
Too much kissing and gayness
Submitted by 625701 on Wed, 11/09/2011 - 22:47
i agree w/ YouGuysAreStalkingUsNow. but it was okay, iguess...
Submitted by aless (not verified) on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 16:37
did anybody actually like this? not ony is it boring but offensive,

6m Comedy Skits - The Kiss