Near Death Experience

Near Death Experience

(10m)   by bkuniverse
 

Comedy Skits   (24886 Views 0 Comments)

After a plane crash a group of people from the plane land up before heavens gate and Saint Peters is waiting.

Gangster: First me?

Saint Peters: Go away. Later. I will call the cops. Sir.

Saint Peters: Next please. So you are a doctor?

Doctor: Yes.

Saint Peters: Welcome. You could be of great use to us.

Doctor: You bet!! I am a damn good doctor.

Saint Peters: Yes. We know. We know. Actually we need you to babysit a few children

Doctor: What? Why?

Saint Peters: Bastard !! Those aborted kids. Throw him in!!

Doctor: No!!

Gangster: You did the first right thing today.

Saint Peters: Mr and Mrs Sharma from India

Mr Sharma: Yes.

Saint Peters: You will be allowed to stay here for 3 years. Then you need to back to hell and

reapply. Well I think you need to go to hell first then stay there for a year or so before you come here.

Mrs Sharma: What?

Saint Peters: Paperwork Maam. Next.

Gangster: You don't want me in and that Indian you are allowing for three years.

Saint Peters: Can you do programming?

Gangster: Once I broke the head of a programmer and that programed him to pay me on time.So yes!!

Saint Peters: Next? Ghulam , Ohh so you are from Pakistan?

Ghulam: Yes.

Saint Peters: Ohh!! you have sent a lot of good people to heaven. Please welcome, come in.

Ghulam: Bullshit!! There is a trick here.

Saint Peters: No Sir.

Ghulam: Send me to hell.

Saint Peters: Why?

Ghulam: You can't treat me different just because of the size of ..

Saint Peters: No. Stop.

Ghulam: Size of my nation!! You can't treat me any different than India just because my nation is small in size. Send me where Sharma went. Send me to hell!!

Saint Peters: No. You are our guest.You HAVE to enter heaven.

Ghulam: Why are you sending me to heaven? I didn't do anything. You can't blame the entire Pakistan for the mistake of few.

Saint Peters: God was going to fire me because people used to sin and then go to hell.

So God said we don't need so much staff around here if there are no guest. But you sent many people to heaven before they could sin so. Sir you have to go to heaven.

Ghulam: Ok. You are convincing. Bring that Indian to heaven and make me their neighbor.

Saint Peters: Yes Sir.

(Mr Sharma and Mrs Sharma come to Ghulam)

Mr Sharma: Thank you Ghulam.

Mr Sharma (to his son): Don't talk to him. He is Pakistani.

Mr Sharma (to Ghulam): Thank you. We will see you.

Mr Sharma (to his son): Run fast and reserve the biggest house.

Gangster: You take that terrorist Ghulam in heaven and not me.

Saint Peters: Sir please stand away or I will call the cops.

Saint Peters: Next , Ohh!! you both couples look beautiful. Can you introduce yourself?

Mr Robinson and Takinawa: I am Robinson and she is my wife Takinawa.

Mr Stuart and Takinawa's Mom: Good Morning!! You are just so handsome Saint Peters. I am Stauart and this is my wife Takinawa.

Saint Peters: What is your age?

Takinawa: 20 years

Saint Peters: You both girls seem related.

Takinawa: She is my mother.

Saint Peters(Looking at mother): What's your age?

Takinawa's Mom: 21

Gangster: Now they are lying. Look at the age difference.

Saint Peters: No they are not. The Mom is elder than the daughter, it doesn't matter what

the difference in age is.

Gangster: Look the girls are lesbians and boys are in to each other. So they paired up because

you won't take homosexual. The daughter was not exactly resting her mouth on her mothers chest. We know!!

Saint Peters: Shut up!! They are just perfect. Yes there is a little male to male bonding in them

and a little chemistry in the girls.But you know what you are a liar.

Gangster: Where is my lawyer?

Saint Peters: All lawyers are in hell.

Saint Peters: Next. So you are Jews?

Jewish Rabbi Group: Yes.

Saint Peters: Look you people have some connection in the upper echeleons of heaven. So you have a choice question?

Jewish Rabbi Group: Yes.

Saint Peters: You might want to write it down. It has two choices.

Jewish Rabbi Group: Yes.

Saint Peters: The question is : Which place you want to go?

CHOICE A) A place where is peace and absolutely no prosecution of Jews.

CHOICE B) A place where is no peace and Jews are prosecuted.

Jewish Rabbi Group: Choice B.

Saint Peters: Send them to hell.

(Jewish Group is happily going)

Gangster: Excuse me guys , even after the Gentocide you still want to have the choice B.

Jewish Rabbi Group: Historically wherever there is no peace and persecution we have made money.

So thats the correct choice.

Gangster: They are mad.

Saint Peters: And predictable. There is no Jew who has made the choice A. They should take

out this question.

Saint Peters: Next please. Ohh!! let me see who is here. The lonely Arab guy.

Arab guy: Heh!!

Saint Peters: You are still in one piece.

Arab guy: I didn't blow up the plane.

Saint Peters: I didn't say anything. You will be entering heaven and have your 72 virgins after a 10000 years.

Arab guy: What why should I wait that long?

Saint Peters: Yes because they are passed along.

Arab guy: What?

Saint Peters: There are only 72 virgins and we pass them along.

Arab guy: Are they virigns now.

Saint Peters: They were when heavens got created.So relax.

Saint Peters: Next !! Ohh the lovely Russian couple.

Russian Couple: We cannot speaks English.

Saint Peters: Well man goes to hell and woman to heaven. Next.

Russian Man: But.

Saint Peter: If you speak anything more I will send her Mom to hell with you. Grab the case of Vodka. You already had your heaven on earth, so she wont come with you. Next !!!

Russian Man: I protest. What's my fault?

Saint Peters: Seeing you drunkards enjoying your hot girlfriends the Americans became cold to their wife and that started the COLD WAR. That is your fault.

Saint Peters: Next please. Ohh my dear amigos. Hola!! This is simple. All the carpenters , cobblers , locksmith and other skilled people line up you are required in heaven. Rest go to hell.

Amigos: What?

Saint Peters: Should I call the cops?

Amigos: No.

Gangster: Now no one is there.

Saint Peters: All are gone. Didn't you recognize me?(Removes his wig and mask)Now.

Gangster: Anthony, my friend are you saint peters?

Saint peters: For today. The real Saint Peters had to .. lets see meet the virgins.So I did him a favor...

Gangster: I want to go back to my Momma...

Saint Peter: Sure thing ... I will press this button and you will be back..

Gangster: What about the White guys? You didn't ask them.

Saint Peters: They don't matter. They just need a sofa and coke and they can be anywhere.

We don't bother about that minority.

Gangster: What about the Chinese?

Saint Peters: They are communist and so don't believe in God or Heaven. We don't know what happens to them still. There is one secret which even God doesn't know and that is what happens to the souls of

athiest. Now go back before they bury you..

The only person who survived the planr crash was ablack guy and this is what he wrote about his

Near Death Experience. No body believed it and some said that is a living experience for him.

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10m Comedy Skits - Near Death Experience