THE EXTINCTION OF DODOS
Max ? The captain of the SS India. He is a resourceful man but notoriously impatient
Briggs ? The first mate of the SS India. He is impulsive and a bit silly but surprisingly intuitive
Steve ? The father and husband of this particular dodo family. He is clever and protective
Julie - The Wife and Mother of this particular dodo family. Observant with a particular dry sense of humour she is a loving mother and wife.
Ben - The son of Steve and Julie. Young and na?ve
Voice of the Narrator heard without any action
Narrator: I hope you are wondering what really happened to the dodos. Well, I have a few dodo friends and they told me the true story, they were zombie dodos of course. Well to start the story I have to reveal an essential truth, two truths exactly; 1. Dodos could talk (honestly they could) 2. They did have a defence tactic against predators and that was to engage them in a debate enriched with unwavering logic.
This is what really happened. I advise you to keep in mind that they were my mates and the story of how they became partially resurrected has been told. Actually they cannot stop going on about it, I am tired of that story and won?t be passing it on.
On the island inhabited by dodos, Max and his first mate spot a few of them after looking for game
Max: Oh look there Briggs, aren?t those birds perfect for the journey back
Briggs: Oh yes captain they are quite big, let?s catch them
Steve: Hello I haven?t seen you here before
A bit surprised
Wait you can talk
Julie: Why is that hard to believe?
Steve: We take a lot of distance learning courses; we are proficient in English, Mathematics and Science.
Briggs: Oh well that is a shame; we are going to kill you for food.
Julie: Are you now?
Max:Well yes we need food and you are edible.
Julie: How perceptive.
Steve: Well, I think I saw some pigs here did you bring them with you.
Briggs: Yes we did, I actually don?t know why though.
Steve: I was thinking wouldn?t you be more interested in eating pork.
Max: Yeah we thought of that but we are pretty tired of pork, we would something more adventurous.
Steve: Oh but it?s not only pork you get from a pig, there is ham, bacon and the one and only wait for it? SAUSAGES.
Julie: And you would be welcome to them, destroying my nest and smashing my eggs, the filthy brutes
Briggs: Oh yes I forgot about sausages come on captain please lets go catch the pugs instead
Max: Granted it is tempting, but there aren?t enough pigs for the whole ship
Mummy how about we try running away
Julie: Oh it?s lovely your trying pet, but we are four feet tall with fat thighs we couldn?t run if our life depended on it
Steve: Hence our predicament.
Feeling in danger the dodos become quite frantic
Julie: I know what about monkeys!!
Steve: we haven?t had them before but I have heard they are amazing
Max: How did you know that there are no carnivores on this island?
Julie: We have pen pals
Julie: Yes quite exotic ones from the Amazon, in my opinion it?s a waste they only eat the brain but I heard the body is just as good.
Max: Ugh I did say adventurous but monkeys!!
Briggs: I would try it if there was nothing else
Max: Shut up Briggs not everybody is as weird as you
Scene fades away
Narrator: Now at this point the dodos found that they could not win this argument and gave themselves up (they took debates seriously). This is because they had never encountered a being more intelligent than them and had become complacent (other birds and rodents on the island were very easy to convince). After they had been killed this is the conversation that ensued between the captain and first mate. I have to admit this conversation may not be fully accurate as it was passed on from 1 of the last survivors who was quite bitter.
Scene fades back in
Briggs: Yes Captain
Max: Did you notice that they never ran away and were quite slow birds
Briggs: Yes captain but I don?t see what you?re getting at.
Max: Well I was thinking did we really have to endure that debate with the dodos before we killed them.
Briggs: Oh, they were quite smart weren?t they?
Max: Listen closely Briggs, we are not going to tell anybody about the dodos speaking, okay. As far as anybody knows they were lumbering, fat and dim-witted flightless birds.
Briggs: You forgot mute, Sir
Briggs: Mute sir
Max: They are birds; they don?t have to be mute because THEY COULDN?T TALK TO BEGIN WITH
Briggs: Oh yeah, that?s clever Sir, too bad you didn?t use that observational wit with the dodos.
A little while later
Briggs: Don?t you think we should try 1 of these dodos before killing the other 999
Max: What do you mean?
Briggs: Well we should try them to see if they taste alright
Max: we don?t have time, hurry up and work and stop asking questions.
Halfway across the Indian Ocean
Briggs: Yes Captain
Max: I am feeling a bit peckish get me some of that dodo meat.
Briggs: Right away sir
Briggs brings him the dodo meat, and Max takes a bite and spits it out disgusted
Max: Oh my goodness that?s disgusting. Briggs calls all the crew out.
The Crew congregates at the captains cabins
Max: Right everybody grab some dodo leg and tuck in we have a lot to go through