Bill Meets The Duke

Bill Meets The Duke

(2m)   by paulfclayton

Comedy Skits   (29447 Views 0 Comments)

A Paul F Clayton Tea-break Tale

Bill meets the Duke

(Tea-break / Engineering factory / in a clear space between the machines, the workers are sitting in a circle wearing boiler suits drinking tea / Bill is a renowned story teller, usually tales that enhance his life / Most of the workers resented Bill?s tales as lies / Young Steve was the only one who seemed fascinated by Bill?s Stories)

ROB: I was talking to a bloke in the Fox last night ? he gets double time from Friday afternoon ? when I told him we get time and a third at all times he pissed himself

TERRY: Most firms do ? it?s only these tight arses I know that don?t

BILL: I always paid my blokes double time when I was manager up in Hull

TERRY: Where was that then Bill?

BILL: Seymour and Stokes general engineering on Kings Lane industrial estate ? I was manager there for four years

ROB: I never knew you were a manager Bill

BILL: oh aye ? I?ve been manager at a few places me ? and not just engineering

TERRY: Such as?

BILL: Pubs, clubs ? a few pubs around Yorkshire ? a nightclub in Jersey

STEVE: A nightclub?

BILL: oh aye ? Polka dots it was called ? well, when I say night club, it was an old liner that had been converted ? it was gorgeous inside ? it was the place to go back in the seventies

(At this point Terry and Rob looked at one another rolling their eyes ? Terry motioned to Rob that his mug needed rinsing and got up ? Rob followed)

STEVE: So it was a boat?

BILL: oh aye ? a bloody big boat too

STEVE: What a brilliant idea ? turning a boat into a night club

BILL: My feet hardly touched dry land the whole time I was there ? I lived on a house boat across the water from the club and used to go to and from work in my speedboat

STEVE: You had a speed boat?

BILL: Aye... I did ? it was a lovely little craft too

STEVE: That?s amazing ? what a life style

BILL: You think that?s a life style mate ? let me tell you ? there was some money on that Island ? I came home from work one morning and there was this huge luxury yacht moored at the house boat next door ? A big American flag flying aft ? the flag was bigger than my speedboat ? my new neighbour put my boat to shame

STEVE: Was he a rich business man or something?

BILL: No ? it was the Duke ? John Wayne

STEVE: John Wayne? You mean the Hollywood film star, John Wayne?

BILL: Aye ? The one and only ? I passed by one day and he was swabbing the decks ? so I said to him ?Ay up John ? give us a go on your boat?

Just jokingly like and do you know what he said to me?

STEVE: No ? what did he say?

(Bill stood up and moved the chair from behind him ? he then started bending his knees moving his hips and swinging his hands in front of him ? a poor visual impression of John Wayne?s stance)

BILL: Well ? he took his keys from his pocket and tossed them at me and he said ?Bring her back in one piece pilgrim?

STEVE: Wow ? that?s brilliant Bill ? What did you do with the speedboat when you left there?

BILL: I claimed on the insurance

STEVE: Why? Did you crash it or something?

BILL: Not quite ? had it scuttled

STEVE: Scuttled?

BILL: Yeah ? A few people on the island did ? it means sunk ? on purpose ? John Wayne used to do it ? give him fifty quid and he?d take your boat out and sink it ? then swim back

STEVE: What? A Hollywood movie star would help deceive insurers for a mere fifty quid?

BILL: It wasn?t just fifty quid though ? loads of people went to him ? and he enjoyed it ? it was his hobby ? that and swimming

THE END (Thank goodness)

Comedy Type: Script Length: Post date: Script Market:

Author's Message

Bill has a habit of telling tall tales or yarns each time he speaks he has a slightly different take on reality. He's a nice guy, but so full of it that his eyes are brown And you know when he's fibbing ... his lips move

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2m Comedy Skits - Bill Meets The Duke