Hello Eastwood High. As you all know, i'm the student body president. It is my goal to make sure all of you succeed to the best of your abilities. (then quickly say) Even if you don't have any.
First things first - our basketball team lost to the Tigers in the last 20 seconds of the game. Everyone, do not acknowledge their presence for the 4 short days before school lets out. That kind of (yelling) DISGRACE (bring back down) doesn't deserve kindness. And Charles Twain, I see you in the front row. Stop crying. No one cares if your dog died.
Secondly, graduation for our seniors is tomorrow. If you cant graduate because you don't meet the requirements, sucks for you. Maybe you should try a bit harder, which includes taking your EYES OFF THAT DAMN PHONE, PRINCIPAL NED. IM SPEAKING, AND THAT 20--YEARS-YOUNGER SLUT ISN'T COMING BACK ANYTIME SOON. (smile) Thank you.
Lastly, I would like to thank everyone for a wonderful year. You make this school special. Now lets hear it for the Eastwood High Crocodiles!
--pause, looking right--
Was that good mom? Or should I change it up a bit?