Grunt Man Just Grunt

Grunt Man Just Grunt

(1.5m)   by andleiby
 

Comedy Monologues   (23412 Views 1 Comments)

My wife is a "Direct Support Professional".  But, in my words, she takes care of 3 retards.  She doesn't like when I put it that way.  So whatever, 3 mentally challenged individuals?  Is that better, honey?  Anyway, she brings one of these retarded bastards home one day.  And probably the biggest pain in the ass they got up there.  He's running all over the fucking house grunting, moaning, and you know just being a retard.  So the goofy fucker runs up on me all grunting and shit.  So, I say honey what does this fucker want?  Because, I haven't been schooled in the "Grunt" language.  I don't speak grunt babe what's he want?  She replies, "Oh he has to poop".  So she shows me this hand gesture.  She says do that and let him in the bathroom.  So, I walk up to this fucker I do the little hand gesture she showed me.  And this nut looks at me serious as all hell and gives me the "jerking off" gesture.  I'm like what the fuck?  Honey, does that mean he needs to "jerk off"?  Or, is this nut calling me a jerk off?  I don't know, can't we just go back to the grunting?  That wasn't as weird as this scene is, maybe we can make more progress grunting.  She says, no it's fine, he's just got to poop.  So, what does old Willy do when he's got to piss?  Does he strap on some chaps and a pitch fork and start the whole jerking off shit again?  Grunt Willy, Grunt your retarded little head off.  I'm just saying, where does she find the patience for this shit?  I mean all day 3 retards running around the house grunting, moaning, pissing, shitting, "air-jerking"?  What a group of winners boy.  I mean it's like a little posse of monkeys running around throwing poop at you doing "God knows what else".  If I had my way I would take the retards, the amish, the midgets, and just so they would have a leader Barrack Obama.  And I would send them packing to some far off remote island.  Give them, I don't know, a month.  Then, come back and check their "progress".  And their you could find yourself a retarded-amish-midget running wild.  Grunting their weird little head off all damn day.  And for Barrack, he would just be "not doing well at something else".  He does well with that despite the surroundings.

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Submitted by Unknown Userr (not verified) on Wed, 02/04/2015 - 10:08
THIS IS THE WORST MONOLOGUE EVER!! a WHAT YOU SAID IS 10000% WRONG! WHETHER YOU TRUEKY BELIEVE THIS OR NOT, YOU WROTE IT. PEOPLE LIKE YOU ABSOLUTELY DISGUST ME! TO BAD I CAN'T GIVE IT NEGATIVE STARS!

1.5m Comedy Monologues - Grunt Man Just Grunt