A song about hedgehogs

A song about hedgehogs

(3m)   by k.r.johnson
 

Comedy Monologues   (1552 Views 0 Comments)

A hedgehog may seem a formidable beast
With prickles and claws and with razor sharp teeth,
A charging rhinoceros just makes it laugh,
It curls up in a ball and then bites it in half.
You'd never guess hedgehogs had any weak link
Which just goes to show you how wrong you can think,
For science professors and those of that ilk
Say a hedgehog will die if it ever drinks milk.

So 
Don't put out milk for a hedgehog,
Don't put out yoghourt or cream.
If a hedgehog just touches the fruit of the cow
It will die with an agonised scream.
Please don't put out milk for a hedgehog,
You ought to think carefully first.
It doesn't want guts-ache or pains in the chest,
It'd much rather die of thirst.

A hedgehog eats meat and potatoes,
A hedgehog eats sausage and stew.
If you give it a quiche or a nice piece of fish,
It will soon be as healthy as you.
A hedgehog loves Bovril and Marmite,
A hedgehog loves honey and jam,
Some toast and a scone and a big juicy bone
And maybe a kilo of spam.

But 
Don't put out milk for a hedgehog,
Don't put out butter or cheese.
It will splutter and cough and its spines will fall off,
And then it's quite likely to freeze.
Please keep all your milk in the kitchen,
To share with the dog and the cat,
Let hedgehogs rampage till they die of old age,
Or a motor-car squashes them flat.

Comedy Type: Humor Type: Comedy Scene:
1 Person
Script Length: Post date: Script Market:
Public
Permission for use:
Permission not required

Author's Message

This song goes roughly to the tune of 'Your Baby has Gone down the Plug-hole.' You may use this song freely, but if you make any money out of it, I want a share. If you use this song, please tell me. I'd like to know what happens to it.

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1 Person 3m Comedy Monologues - A song about hedgehogs