Safe Space Race

Safe Space Race

(3m)   by rmarguerie
 

Comedy Skits   (2415 Views 0 Comments)

Trevor is being given the tour of the office he is hoping to work at, the tour is being conducted by the office manager (Martin) who is on the verge of offering Trevor the job

                                                                                Martin                 

“Ok, now in here is the staff room, you’re welcome to use this room at any time during office hours. Some people spend their entire lunch break in here, God knows why. If you bring in a packed lunch the fridge is yours to use and you can help yourself to a hot drink anytime of the day. There’s a milk buying rota or something that goes on but Brian, who you might meet next week, he consumes about 20 cups of coffee a day so he normally brings in a vat of milk. It would be easier to buy a cow and tie it up in Reception. So that is the tour Trevor, any questions at this stage?”

                                                                                Trevor

“Yes, just one, is this room the safe space?”

                                                                                Martin

“Yeah it’s pretty safe. I’m the only key holder and if anything did go missing I’d certainly get to the bottom of it “

                                                                                Trevor

“No, I mean, is this “the” safe space?”

                                                                                Martin

“Well we’ve had no major accidents so far. Touch wood”

                                                                                Trevor

“No, I think you misunderstand. A safe space is a designated area where people can go if they are being victimised or harassed”

                                                                                Martin

“Right, ok, well most people normally go outside”

                                                                                Trevor

“So that’s the safe space?”

                                                                                Martin

“It’s safe to smoke”

                                                                                Trevor

“So you don’t have a place where people can go if they’re being oppressed?”

 

 

                                                                                Martin

“Well, with all due respect Trevor, this isn’t Syria, although it can smell like a chemical weapons attack on Monday after Brian has had a big weekend “

Trevor says nothing, just looks un-amused at Martin

                                                                                Martin

 “I’m joking. I’ll be honest, it’s the first time anyone has ever mentioned a safe space. Most people who come for an interview normally comment on the close proximity of the office to the shopping mall”

                                                                                Trevor

“Well what do your employees do if they’re being oppressed?”

                                                                                Martin

“Well they normally tell the oppressor to piss off. Or other words if the “swear jar” is in operation”

                                                                                Trevor

“I don’t swear “

                                                                                Martin

“Well you’ll save a bit of money then. If that is not applicable we also encourage colleagues to settle their differences privately and if that doesn’t work they can bring their complaint to me”

                                                                                Trevor

“But what if the oppressor is you?”

                                                                                Martin

“Then you can escalate the matter to my boss”

                                                                                Trevor                                                                  

“Any what if your superior is the oppressor?”

                                                                                Martin

“I doubt it. He’s made it. Why would he want to oppress people? You should see his house”

                                                                                Trevor

“Well, respectfully, I would advise that you have a duty to provide a safe environment for your employees”

 

                                                                               

Martin

“We do try, we encourage employees to settle their differences and if that doesn’t work then I and Human Resources will get involved. I’m not prepared to designate a room just on the off chance someone is having a bad day. I’m more inclined to let someone go home if they’re struggling. Would that suffice?”

                                                                                Trevor

“Would that affect my wages?”

                                                                                Martin

“Well how often were you thinking of getting harassed?”

                                                                                Trevor

“ It’s not a question of how often it’s more to do with the fact that there is a place someone can go if they are  being  harassed”

                                                                                Martin

“Ok, well, you know there is a cupboard “

                                                                                Trevor

“A cupboard?”

                                                                                Martin

“Yeah it’s the cleaner’s cupboard but we could convert it to a safe space”

                                                                                Trevor

“Will it have power points?”

                                                                                Martin

“Well, it’ll have a light and I suppose we can put in a seat. Can’t put in a window I’m afraid it’s a supporting wall.”

                                                                                Trevor

“But no power points?”

                                                                                Martin

“No, why do you need power points? I won’t be expecting you to do any work in there assuming you won’t be too long.”

                                                                               

Trevor

“It’s not about work it’s about maintaining a social media presence”

                                                                                Martin

“Why would you want to maintain a social media presence if you’re fleeing victimisation”

                                                                                Trevor

“Well how are people going to know if I’m being victimised?” 

                                                                                Martin

“Come and have a look at the cupboard and see what you think “

Martin leads Trevor to the cleaner’s cupboard

                                                                                Martin

“Here you go ...”

                                                                                Trevor

“It’s a bit small “

                                                                                Martin

“It’s a cupboard”

                                                                                Trevor

“There’s barely enough room for me to sit down”

                                                                                Martin                                                                 

“Ah yeah but also remember to factor in the cleaning equipment. Your area will reduce by 50% once the vacuum cleaner goes in “

                                                                                Trevor

“What? You’re not going to move the cleaner’s equipment out first?”

                                                                                Martin

“There’s nowhere to move it to. I’m afraid you’ll be squatting with the bleach”

                                                                                Trevor

“Bleach?”

                                                                               

 

Martin

“Yeah and air fresheners.  So you’ll be cramped and it’ll stink but you’ll be safe. And you will at least have toilet rolls which is most important”

                                                                                Trevor

“Why would toilet rolls be important?”

                                                                                Martin

“Well if you’re scared and fearful I would have thought you’d need ........Anyway, what do you think?”

                                                                                Trevor

“Think? This is totally unacceptable, government legislation states you have to provide a suitable safe space?”

                                                                                Martin

“No I don’t, the legislation says that employers are only compelled to provide a suitable safe space if no other alternative is available. In that case providing a safe space is discretionary. I am prepared to allow you use of the cupboard and I will find a way to move the cleaning equipment out or you can work from home while we investigate the issue or you can decline the job offer I was going to make to you”

                                                                                Trevor

“This is unacceptable, you can’t not offer me a job”

                                                                                Martin                                                                 

“I can and I am“

                                                                                Trevor

“Well I’ll take it up with an employment tribunal “

                                                                                Martin

“That’s your right but I’ll say that there were people with more experience for the role and neither you or a tribunal can disprove that”

                                                                                Trevor                                                                  

“You haven’t heard the last of this “

Trevor storms off, just as he leaves Martin bumps into Brian who is doing some work in his office

                                                                               

 

Brian

“Who was that? “

                                                                                Martin

“Someone I was interviewing for a role”

                                                                                Brian

“Were they successful?”

                                                                                Martin

“No “

Brian

“You didn’t wind them up about the safe space again?”

                                                                                Martin

“Guilty”

                                                                                Brian

“Why do you do that? We’ve been given money to build a safe space, why not spend it? “

                                                                                Martin

“Because there’s better causes we could spend the money on. I offered him the cupboard but the minute he starts the job he’ll complain it’s not adequate and then the trustees will demand the safe space is built. So the longer I can prevent employing someone who might actually use a safe space the longer I have to come up with a plan to better use the money”

                                                                                Brian

“Such as?”

                                                                                Martin

“Well you know how we’re supposed to be promoting a healthy lifestyle for employees and our clients?

                                                                                Brian

“Yeah”

                                                                                Martin

” Well, how much are your gym membership fees?”

                                                                               

Brian

“Too much ”

                                                                                Martin

“Well, you go to that gym round the back of the train station don’t you?  Very poor street lighting and there’s been a fair few muggings round there over the years. You wouldn’t want to be on your own for a long period round there would you?

                                                                                Brian

“I suppose not”

                                                                                Martin

“Well wouldn’t you feel much safer using a gym on site? A cheaper gym in a safer space”

                                                                                Brian

“You know, I’m starting to feel safer already”

Trevor and Martin walk off chatting

                                                                               

 

 

Comedy Type: Humor Type: Comedy Scene:
1 Person
Script Length: Post date: Script Market:
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Copyright Robin Marguerie

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1 Person 3m Comedy Skits - Safe Space Race