INT. OFFICE ROOM - DAY
JOHN Q. EVERYMAN IS WORKING LATE. HE'S GOT A BIG PROJECT
THAT'S DUE TOMORROW. IN ORDER TO HELP STIMULATE HIS MIND, HE PUTS SOME MUSIC ON AND PUTS ON HIS HEADPHONES. AS SOON AS HE DOES, HE DIES MYSTERIOUSLY.
INT. OLIVIA'S OFFICE - LATER
OLIVIA'S CELL PHONE RINGS.
This is agent Dunham.
Dunham, we've got a strange and
mysterious case on our hands.
Another one? Strange that this
keeps happening in such regular
How could it be strange? We
already established that these
spooky occurrences are happening
because of a vaguely unifying
Right, I forgot we're on a J.J.
Make your way over to 2583
INT. CRIME SCENE - LATER
Well, from the looks of it, this
guy's face was cut off by a pair
of pinking shears.
Who could possibly want to do that
to someone else?
I used to know a guy who made his
girlfriend's handbags that way.
You can't be serious.
Want a handbag?
DR. BISHOP LOOKS AT THE BODY ON THE GROUND.
Scientifically, that's improbable.
Pinking shears couldn't cause this
molecular of damage.
How could you possibly know that?
You've only just glanced at the body.
Back before I was
institutionalized, I was hired by
the government to do extensive
research on "cutting edge"
technology on weaponizing pinking
shears for the Army.
Wow, the government really hired
you for everything, huh?
Did you get it? "Cutting edge"
THERE IS AN AWKWARD PAUSE
Yes. I get it.
Because pinking shears are used
for cutting things.
Yes, yes. But how did-
And I said cutting edge.
I could go for a bowl of soup.
You mother f-
What kind of soup do you want,
A ham sandwich.
HARVARD UNIVERSITY - DR. BISHOP'S LAB - LATER
You know, Peter, when you were a
boy, you used to love malts and
Walter, that was you.
You know, son, you'd be a horrible
Dad, they don't even have sock
hops anymore. Those weren't even
around when I was a kid.
Perhaps you're right, Peter.
OLIVIA ENTERS THE LAB WITH A HAM SANDWICH.
Here's your sandwich, Walter.
I specifically asked for split pea
Now who's the bad improv comic?
No matter, the experiment is about
What sort of experiment?
The one where Walter takes a
complex scientific theory and
breaks it down into
condescendingly lay terms, usually
using toys or food.
Seriously, what is the writing
staff's obsession with food?
Where did you even come from?
I'm the show's black character.
But I thought we already had
Broyles for that.
Philip Broyles is the show's
administrative black person, to
demonstrate that the glass ceiling
for African Americans has been
And that makes you...
I'm here to demonstrate that white
people shouldn't be afraid of
African Americans; we're just like
you on the inside.
OLIVIA RELEASES THE DEATH GRIP SHE HAD ON HER PURSE
INT. VICTIM'S HOUSE - EVENING
Can you think of any reason
someone would want to hurt your
You mean besides making a hand bag
out of his face skin?
Oh, my God! Who seriously does
It's a big thing in Zambia.
Besides, my husband had very soft
face skin. Why do you think I
INT. HOTEL - DR. BISHOP'S ROOM - NIGHT
DR. BISHOP IS LAYING IN BED, HOLDING A COPY OF THE SCIENCE
JOURNAL. IT IS UPSIDE-DOWN.
THEY STARE AT EACH OTHER AWKWARDLY FOR SEVERAL SECONDS.
You know, Walter, there were times
in my childhood when I-
I can't read this when you're
talking at me, son.
That's exactly what I'm trying to
get at. You seem so-
When I was a boy, we used to shoot
at empty bottles with BB guns.
I can't even carry on a convers-
EXT. ROOFTOP - DAWN
So, why are we up here again,
We're here to make a sale of a
military-grade science weapon of
But I thought we were developing
an untraceable computer virus.
No, no, no, you dimwit! that was
in the last episode!
So, we've moved on completely?
Just given up on the computer
THERE IS AN AWKWARD SILENCE. THE GOON SCRATCHES HIS HEAD. THE AMBIGUOUS VILLAIN READJUSTS HIS SUNGLASSES
No more computer virus, then?
I'll kill you.
INT. DR. BISHOP'S LAB - LATER
This is horrible! We're running
out of time and we have absolutely
I'm telling you, it was probably
done for the face skin handbags.
I swear to God, if someone
mentions the handbags one more
Perhaps I should apply my skills I
learned when I majored in Criminal
Justice at college.
Didn't you major in Linguistics?
My scholastic interests vary by
episode, based on the skill set
needed to help solve the case.
Look, let's just take the easy way
DR. BISHOP AND PETER BISHOP HOOK OLIVIA INTO THE
What's this machine for again?
It will allow agent Dunham to
connect with her dead ex-lover's
thoughts that got stored in her
subconscious when they were both
hooked up to the device.
And how does that work, exactly?
Through a complex scientific
INT. HOTEL ROOM - OLIVIA'S SUBCONSCIOUS - SECONDS LATER
I'm in a hotel room. John Scott is
(as a disembodied voice)
What's interesting about it?
(as a disembodied voice)
He's got two first names. What
else do you see?
Nothing. Just John sitting on the
bed. Oh, Jesus!
What's happening now, Olivia.
He's masturbating to the intro of
Focus, agent Dunham. What else do
He's wearing giant headphones!
I think we have what we need to
solve this case.
DR. BISHOP AND PETER BISHOP PULL OLIVIA OUT OF THE DEVICE.
INT. DR. BISHOP'S LAB - SECONDS LATER
How does my dead ex-lover
masturbating while wearing
headphones pertain to this case at
Well, if we go to the top of this
script, we see that the victim was
wearing headphones. I theorize
that someone used sound waves to
detach the victim's face from his
But that doesn't even make any
Neither does anything else in this
EXT. ROOFTOP - LATER
AN FBI TEAM SURROUNDS THE AMBIGUOUS VILLAIN AND THE GOON.
Freeze! We've got you surrounded.
What are we going to do now, boss?
No worries, this is all a part of
the bigger picture.
INT. UNREMARKABLE CRIME LAIR - MEANWHILE
AN EVEN MORE AMBIGUOUS VILLAIN IS WATCHING ON A MONITOR AS
THE AMBIGUOUS VILLAIN AND THE GOON ARE ARRESTED BY THE FBI.
EVEN MORE AMBIGUOUS VILLAIN
HE RUBS HIS HANDS TOGETHER.