Woodcutter strikes back

Woodcutter strikes back

(10m)   by travis
 

Short Comedy Movies   (31862 Views 5 Comments)

Hansel & Gretel revisited

Act 1 scene 1

(Narrator in chair)

Narrator: by now you?ve all probably heard all about Hansel & Gretel and how they were thrown in the forest and how the witch tried to eat Hansel but that?s not exactly how it happened

(Enter forest Hansel & Gretel walk in)

Gretel: this is beginning to be a bit to much I mean dad just won?t stop with the jokes!

Hansel: so it makes him fun.

Gretel: come on? I mean it?s just too much all the knock knock jokes.

Hansel: ok ok I mean sometimes its fun others it?s just annoying.

Gretel: I know what you mean this morning he poured a bucket of freezing cold water on me.

Hansel: yeah???.. Dad did that.

Gretel: this all started when mum died.

Hansel: um Gretel? (Gretel interrupts)

Gretel: if only we could find someone new for dad

Hansel: Gretel?.. (Gretel interrupts)

Gretel: maybe another woodcutter

Hansel: GRETEL! Do you know where we are?

Gretel: don?t worry you placed the breadcrumbs along the road right?

Hansel: um????

Gretel: HANSEL!

(End of scene)

Scene 2

Hansel: I?m sorry ok.

Gretel: sorry isn?t good enough

Hansel: it?s not my fault I got hungry

Gretel: I?m stuck out here with no food and no water and an idiot

Hansel: ha! You just admitted you?re an idiot!

Gretel: were you born dumb or did you get dropped on you head?

Hansel: LOOK! A gingerbread house

Gretel: oh it is a gingerbread house?? but why change the subject?

(Hansel and Gretel walked towards the ginger bread house)

Witch: hey there kids, come into my house I have more lollies for you in the attic

(Hansel starts to walk to door)

Gretel: wait aren?t you forgetting about stranger danger?

Hansel: don?t worry I know how to deal with this???. STOP DROP AND ROLL

(Hansel drops to ground and starts rolling around)

Witch? just get in the house!

(End of scene)

Scene 3

(Hansel and Gretel enter the gingerbread house)

Hansel: so where are these supposed lollies?

Witch: well you see I was just lying just wanted to have some company

Gretel: awww she?s going to eat us?

Hansel: well you?re not going to eat me!

(Hansel runs for the door and trips over)

Witch: HEY! You?re not allowed to run away, I?ll chain you up in the basement

Hansel: so what dad locked me in the naughty cupboard for 8 days straight without food!

Witch: serves you right you damn brat!

Gretel: liar you locked yourself in there

(Hansel exits stage)

Witch: Gretel I believe you are the smart one your brother is a fool

(Gretel turns away from witch)

Witch: ok then bitch talk to me or I?ll eat you??.. (No one answers)
I understand it?s because I locked your brother in the basement isn?t it well you know what? I don?t give a rat?s ass kids taste better with a little basement grease.

Hansel (oov): oh god I think I just lost a testicle

Witch: well seems torture machine is working, Gretel I?m just lonely and old and ?eat children?.

Hansel: its ok I found it, it was up next to my bladder. Well hello Mr Rubber tip thingy ? whys it shaking and going near my ??. Oh god

Gretel: ?.... ill ignore that and are you implying that you rape kids? Help us show us how to get out of the forest. If you do I will introduce you to a guy

Witch: ok as long as you visit??. (Gretel shakes head) Have dinner with me? ?. (Gretel shakes head) Remember me when you?re older?

Gretel: I don?t even remember who you are now

Witch: good enough

(Witch lets Hansel out rubbing his arse)

Hansel: about time! My arse feels like it?s going to fall off

Witch: ok first you???.. (Witch pauses) I sense a disturbance in the force

Hansel: bitch you just ignored me didn?t you!! First you strap a donkey to that machine and now this? That?s it I quit

(Hansel exits a new Hansel walks on stage woodcutter bursts through the window)

Woodcutter: dramatic entrance 55! Hey witch guns don?t kill people the woodcutter kills people.

(Woodcutter shoves witch in oven turns it up to maximum heat)

Hansel: I hope the witch is all right.

Gretel: shut up you wuss

Woodcutter: yeah shut up Hansel I?ll put you in the naughty cupboard for 2 weeks!

Gretel: ha ha you were told!

Woodcutter: you be quite to or I?ll through you in with him.

Gretel: hey dad look there?s ooze coming out of the oven

Woodcutter: That?s it everyone?s going in the cupboard pull her out she?s going in too ?.oh your right, drink up children

Gretel: but dad it could be poison

Woodcutter: that?s why your drinking not me

Hansel: but dad!

Woodcutter: I swear I will put you in the cupboard!

Hansel: I feel weird.

Woodcutter: look I can make food

Gretel: that?s all good and well but how the hell do we get out of here?

Woodcutter: Gretel, nobody cares what you think

Hansel: but how do we get home?

Woodcutter: we walk duh

Gretel: which way then?

Woodcutter: ?? shut up Gretel.

(Fades out)

Narrator: And the children never went hungry again

Gretel: that wasn?t what we were supposed to do; we were supposed to get dad a wife

Narrator: oh yeah!

(The end)

Comedy Type: Script Length: Post date: Script Market:
Public

Author's Message

this was origionally created to be a play, which was made for a yr 9 english assignment. It was one of my original scripts. And therefore isnt on the same level as some of my newer things, but it does have its moments. newly updated the very origional script before teacher sensorship

Copyright Statement



Comments

   

Submitted by Madison (not verified) on Tue, 07/02/2013 - 07:53
Can I use this for a short skit to do at school?
Submitted by travis on Tue, 07/02/2013 - 15:21
wow been awhile since I've used this. Yeah Madison ya can use it for your skit, just have fun with it and give credit as needed it'll be fine
Submitted by write my essay ... (not verified) on Sun, 10/12/2014 - 19:40
The education of universe has become the main theme of natural sciences. The unit of study of natural science is atom. The physical world has been explored so much till today.
Submitted by umair (not verified) on Sun, 10/12/2014 - 19:41
thanks for info.
Submitted by clbohyer on Thu, 11/17/2016 - 07:19
Hey coulld I use your script for a school skit?

10m Short Comedy Movies - Woodcutter strikes back