Season 3: Married and got bloody children.
Episode 1: Pregnancy
(Show starts off. Camera view shows a classroom. All the students in the classroom are wearing glasses and have pimples all over the place. Reon then enters. He sees all of the people. )
Reon: Hopefully a repeat of ?Revenge of the Nerds? doesn?t happen!
(Reon sits down next to a nerd. The nerd turns around and puts his hand out to shake.)
Nerd: My name?s Peter.
(Reon is about to shake his hand, when the nerd takes his hand back and wipes his nose with it. The nerd then puts his hand out again. Reon moves across to the other side of the desk.)
Reon: It?s all a dream. Nothing?s going to happen.
(The teacher then walks in. He hands out Exam papers. After he?s finished handing them out, he turns to the class.)
Teacher: You may begin your Exam papers!
(Reon looks down at Exam papers.)
Reon: I knew I should?ve stopped watching Playboy on TV and start doing this!
Peter: My mum?s on Playboy!
Reon: Yeh. She?s probably one of the boys.
Peter: How?d you know?
(Reon looks at him, terrified. He then looks back at the paper. He puts his hand up.)
Reon: What does a numeral mean?
Teacher: It means a number!
Reon: Then what does number mean?
Teacher: A number!
Reon: But they can?t both have the same meanings!
(The teacher?s face gets red.)
(Camera view changes to a door. Reon gets kicked out the door.)
Reon: Bloody nerds!
(Tons of nerds come out and chases Reon down the street.)
(Show starts up again. Camera view shows June, Jodie, Deanna and Sarah sitting on the couch of Reon?s hotel room. Everyone has fat stomachs except for Deanna.)
June: What do you think Reon will think if I told him of the baby?
Jodie: He?d be extremely scared. He hates kids!
(Reon crashes through the door. Kids are still following him.)
Kids: We said ?Trick of treat?!
Reon: And I said get off my property or I?ll call the cops!
Kids: We?re sure. You couldn?t say that to these baby faces.
(They all pull cute faces to him. Reon picks up the phone and rings the police. The police storm through the door and arrest the children. The kids look back at Reon.)
Kids: I?ll see you in court!
(Reon pokes his tongue out.)
Reon: I hope we never have kids! They?re so horrible!
Jodie: You were a kid once!
Reon: I was! Well, uh? Shutup! June, you seem to have gained weight!
June: I?ve got something to tell you?
(Sarah, Jodie and Deanna all shake their heads. Michael then slams through the door.)
June: Can anyone open the door instead!
(Michael looks all beaten up.)
Jodie: What happened to you!
Michael: These stupid kids bashed me up because I wouldn?t give them candy for Holloween!
(Travis then crashes through the door.)
June: I?m going to kill someone in a minute!
Travis: I didn?t do anything!
(June goes and fixes up the door. Travis is only wearing a box.)
Sarah: What happened to you?
Travis: These stupid kids took all my stuff!
Michael and Travis: I hope we don?t have kids!
Travis: You talked!
(Travis punches Michael. Michael flies out the window.)
Travis: You think he?s okay?
Reon: Eh. He?s okay.
Michael (from downstairs): Hello. I think I broke something.
Reon: That?s not Michael!
Michael: Yes, it is I, Michael!
Reon: He doesn?t mean our Michael!
Michael: Oh just bloody come down here and help me, you little bastard!
Reon: Here I come!
(Reon jumps out of the window. Hear a big crunch.)
Reon: Thanks for the soft landing!
Michael: I?m going to so kill you!
Reon: I was trying to help!
(Jodie looks down. She gasps.)
Jodie: Quick! Call the hospital!
(Camera view changes to all of the Teen Trouble gang watching Michael in bed. Michael is asleep.)
Jodie: Is he going to be okay doctor?
Doctor: Nup. He?s going to die in about two days.
Doctor: I?m sorry about George but?
Doctor: Yeh! This is George?s room!
Jodie: So I?ve been breast feeding George because I thought he was Michael. Ewwww.
George: Can they stay for a couple more minutes? Her boobs are huge!
(Jodie smacks him in the head. George dies.)
(Cut to Michael?s room. Everyone walks in. Michael is in a full body cast. He slowly raises his rude finger to Reon.)
Reon: Always good to see you using your fingers for something other then on that blow up doll.
Michael: Fuck you!
Reon: Doctor! I think this guy needs some more sleeping pills.
Doctor: Excellent suggestion!
(Michael shakes his head. The Doctor shoves the pills into Michael?s mouth. Michael starts snoring loudly.)
Travis: Maybe the pills were a bad idea?
Michael: (talking in his sleep) NO! No daddy! No more! Yes! I like that grandma! Yes!
Travis: Those are some weird sexual fantasies!
Jodie: Wait until you see what he makes me do when we?re having sex!
Doctor: I think it would be good for everyone if you guys waited outside? You might be able to handle this stuff? But I think I?m gonna be sick.
(The group leaves the room and wait in the waiting area.)
Deanna: You think Michael is going to be okay?
Reon: Sure he is? He?s had worst injuries then that!
June: Reon, what could be worst then breaking almost every bone in your body and not being able to move?
Reon: Getting hit in the nuts!
Travis: Damn right! If you hit them hard enough, they suck up into your body and it looks like you have a vagina!
Sarah: Really didn?t need to know that?
Reon: Who?s hungry?
Jodie: Not me? I?m worried about Michael? I don?t want anything bad?.
Reon: (interrupting) Shut up Jodie! Let?s not turn this into some romantic TV show that will make people cry!
Jodie: Well I am about to give birth to a baby!
Jodie: Yeah?. Man you guys are stupid!
Reon: So you weren?t becoming a sumo wrestler and getting famous?
Jodie: Where the hell did you get that from?
Reon: The internet.
Sarah: Yeah well?. I?m pregnant too!
(Reon holds back Travis as Travis draws a knife and is trying to cut Sarah?s stomach open.)
Sarah: TRAVIS!! What are you doing?!
Travis: I HATE kids!
Reon: Calm down Travis? there?s nothing wrong with kids?. I can take them on? I?m not afraid of anything.
Travis: Aren?t you afraid of AIDs?
Reon: That?s different?
June: Yeah well then Reon you should be able to cope with me being pregnant.
Reon: Travis? Can I borrow your knife for a minute?
Travis: He lied bout the kid?s part? But he was telling the truth about keeping calm.
Reon: How come you never told me this before?
June: I did! 20 times! But it seems your x-box is more important to you!
Reon: Me and Travis were up to the end of Halo!! We HAD to finish the game!
June: It took you a long time to win the last level then!
Travis: Oh no after that we played ?The Sims? and started killing our Sims in it and starting gay relationships.
(Everyone is staring at Travis.)
Travis (looking at Reon): Too much info?
(Reon nods his head. Jodie then screams out in pain.)
Jodie: I think I?m having a baby!
Reon: Where is it?!
Travis: I think it?s still in her stomach!
Reon: Travis? You remember when we were little and we played ?Doctors??
Reon: You remember how we did it? Because I think we?re going to need to do it again! Doctor Travis! Knife!
(Travis hands over his knife.)
Sarah: By the way Travis, why do you carry a knife around with you?
Travis: Because I can?t hide my machete in my pants.
(Sarah, June and Deanna get scared. Meanwhile, Jodie is kicking Reon away.)
Jodie: You are NOT going to rip my stomach opened!
Reon: It?s the only way! There?s not enough time to get to the hospital!
Jodie: We are in a hospital!
Reon: Really? Alright then, now let?s find a nurse?. NURSE!
(Ayrton the nurse comes around the corner.)
Reon: I thought nurses were girls?
Ayrton: Yeah well I can still kick your arse.
Reon: Here! We need you to cut open her stomach so the baby can come out!
Ayrton: Okay? Um? This is just a suggestion for you? But there?s this special education block down the street from us?
Travis: God Dammit! This woman needs to give birth to a baby! She can get her special education afterwards!
Ayrton: Alright we need to get her onto a bed!
(Reon races over and pushes a nurse and a guy having sex off a bed and brings it over. They all then heave her onto the bed.)
Travis: God your baby?s heavy!
Reon: Now I see what part of Michael the baby has!
(Jodie slaps Reon. Travis then pushes the bed.)
Travis: We need a doctor! Immediately! No not you, you?re black! Not you, you?re Asian! Hey you!
(A hot, sexy doctor walks out of a room. His name is Bruce.)
Bruce: Who? Me?
Travis: Yes you! Are you death or something?
Bruce: No, I?m just hot. The name?s Bruce?
Deanna: Hi Bruce!
Bruce: I see you brought your monkey with you.
(Deanna gets angry and jumps on Bruce and bashes him up.)
Reon: What a great pickup line.
Ayrton: Hey! There?s a spare room there!
Reon: Thanks nurse? What?s your name?
Ayrton: My name?s Ayrton?
Reon: How about we make it up to you some time? Buy you coffee or something like that?
Ayrton: Um? sure anytime?.
Reon: Now goodbye?
(Reon pushes Ayrton away into Deanna. Deanna turns to Ayrton and starts bashing him.)
(Cut to the hospital room. It?s the same room as Michael is in.)
Michael: What?s happening?
Reon: Oh Jodie?s just giving birth to a baby. Now be quiet!
(Reon puts a sock in Michael?s mouth. Hear muffled screams from Michael.)
Reon: Don?t you just love to see him like this?
June: Did you forget I was pregnant as well?
Reon: (sighs) Remember what your anger management therapist taught you all those years ago? Oh god all I can remember is sleeping with her!
(Ayrton runs back into the room with his clothes all ripped and a black eye.)
Ayrton: It looks like I?m delivering this baby! Everyone else is on their lunch break!
(Ayrton runs over and sits down next to Jodie.)
Ayrton: Hi my name is Ayrton?. I?m going to be delivering your baby today? What?s your name?
Jodie: My name?s Jodie? What a cute name you have there.
Reon: What did I say about romantic stuff in my TV shows?
Ayrton: Alright sorry!
(Ayrton runs around to look up Jodie?s vagina.)
Ayrton: oh god! Pass me the chainsaw!
(Travis picks up a chainsaw which he passes to Ayrton. He starts shredding stuff up her vagina. Reon goes and sits down next to Jodie.)
Reon: Alright Jodie? I?m here to comfort you!
Jodie: Oh that?s a relief! I would love to just hear some of your stupid jokes when I?m giving birth to a BABY!
Reon: What are you going to name it?
Jodie: Well Michael seems to have a lot of names? He saids if it?s a boy we should call it?. Um?
(She then whispers in his ear. Reon starts laughing.)
(Jodie nods her head.)
Reon: So that must mean you?re giving birth to a dark elf then?
Jodie: Oh shutup!
(Cut to Ayrton pulling out the baby. There is a long rope going up Jodie?s vagina, and everyone is pulling on the rope.)
Ayrton: God what did Jodie feed this baby?
Deanna: Well you see I thought the vagina was like a transport hole where you transport food?. So I transported fast food up to the baby!
Sarah: It?s had a couple of heart attacks while it?s still in the stomach.
Ayrton: Oh god!
(Then everyone flies off and a baby comes out. It is a fat baby.)
Ayrton: It?s a boy!
Sarah: Duhh! You can tell that by the huge boner it has!
Reon: You know what you should call it Jodie? George?. In memory of the breast feeding you did for him?
Jodie: You?re lucky I?m too tired to hurt you at the moment.
(Then Michael starts having a spastic attack. Everyone races over to him.)
Ayrton: He?s dying!
(Everyone just shrugs their shoulders and turn around and start talking to each other.)
Ayrton: Oh wait! He?s okay now! He?s alive!
(Everyone goes crazy and runs over to Michael?s bed. Travis is kneeling at the bed and crying into the bed sheets.)
Travis: Oh why doctor why? Why is God such a cruel?. God?
Ayrton: Um? maybe you didn?t hear me? I said he?s alive?
Sarah: We heard you god Dammit! Stop saying it! Can?t you see what it?s doing to my husband!
(Michael then has another spastic attack. He then goes still.)
Travis: Doctor? I mean, nurse?
(Ayrton walks over and checks Michael out.)
Ayrton: Sorry to break it to you? But he?s dead.
(Everyone jumps up and starts cheering. Jodie is doing a little dance in her bed, and the bed falls over.)
(Cut to the graveyard. Everyone is at Michael?s funeral. The coffin is lying there, and everyone is coming up for a final word.)
Travis: Michael? The only thing I probably will ever remember you by is the huge bill you cocked up when you used the internet for? personal reasons? the government is still onto me about that bill?
(Travis walks off, and Deanna then comes up.)
Deanna: Michael, I remember the time we were at school? and you asked me to play WOW!! (breaks into sob.)
(Jodie pats her on the shoulder.)
Jodie: Are you done now?
(Deanna nods. Jodie throws her out of the way.)
Jodie: Michael, there?s a lot of things that I will never forget about you, like the first time we did it, and you managed to miss and it went out the window and hit a business man walking past. He?s still trying to sue us now.
(Jodie then walks out of the way. Sarah walks up.)
Sarah: Michael, I never talked to you about anything. The only thing you ever said to me was at the breakfast table, when you said hi? And I was half naked from me and Travis?s fun night?. And your hands disappeared under the table? Then you said you had something very important to do and walked off? That?s the longest we ever talked?.
(Sarah walks off. Ayrton then comes up.)
Ayrton: Thought it was only right to come here seeing as I watched you die? I never knew you, but I will hear all about your excellent stories from your friends? I?ve heard a few today during the funereal? Where you got married and you peed in the altar? But anyways? I?ll miss you? even though I never really knew you? Weird how love works? isn?t it?
(Ayrton walks away. Then a drunken Reon comes up. He steps on the coffin and his foot falls through the coffin. He then tries to pull his leg out, and Ayrton runs over to help him. Once his leg is pulled out, he spews into the hole. The female pastor stares at him.)
Female Pastor: Don?t I know you?
Reon: Um?. No?
Female Pastor: Hmmm, I?m just remembering a wedding I did a couple of years ago? You look like one of the guys at the wedding? Who crashed the car, pretended to be the pastor, and then wacked a chair over my head? Yes?. That was a bad fucker he was?
Reon: The pastor swore!
(Reon picks up a chair and smacks it over the female pastor?s head. Her face goes red.)
Reon: I think we should go now!
Female Pastor: I knew it was you! Come back here!
(Everyone runs, with the female pastor chasing them.)
June (whilst running): God we really are running out of ideas for this TV show if we?re bringing HER back!
(Cut to the after party. It?s a nightclub. The gang is partying because of Michael?s death. Ayrton and Jodie are sitting down by themselves.)
Jodie: I?m in love with you!
Jodie: I?m in love with you!
Ayrton: But your husband just died! Aren?t you a bit sad?
Jodie: The only thing I?m sad about is that he didn?t leave me anything in his will!
Ayrton: Alright? Jodie I love you too but we got to wait a while?. You got to get over the shock of him dying? I?ve got this friend who can help you get over him.
Jodie: The only thing I?m going to need is someone to get me over the hangover I?m going to have in the morning!
Ayrton: I?ve got another friend who does that!
(Jodie then passes out and hits her head on the table.)
Ayrton: What am I doing here?
(Cut to Reon and Travis onstage, singing to ?I Touch Myself?. Reon is doing a lap dance on June, who is too busy texting to talk to him.)
(Cut to back at the hotel room. Everyone is sitting there, silent.)
Jodie: Who wants something to eat?
Travis: We?ll have a lot more to eat now that Michael?s gone?
Ayrton: Um?. Excuse me? Why are you being so harsh on your best friend?
Travis: Best friend? Did you hear that Reon?
(Travis looks at Reon. Reon is looking over at something.)
Travis: What? What are you staring at?
Reon: I haven?t heard June speak or do anything for a while?
(Everyone gets up and runs over to her room. They open the door. June is sitting there playing her DS. Everyone sighs.)
Ayrton: Hey wait! What about Sarah!
(Everyone races to her room. She?s lying on the floor, unconscious.)
Travis: Oh god what do we do?!
Reon: Stay calm Travis! We?ve got to wake her up!
(Travis jumps on her and starts punching her.)
Travis: Wake up bitch! Wake up!
Ayrton: I know I?m no doctor or anything? But I don?t think that?s how you wake someone up?
Travis: Shut up nurse!!
Ayrton: I think we need to get her to a hospital.
Travis: God! I?m sick of hospitals! Can?t we take her to rehab or something?
Ayrton: Why rehab?
Travis: Well why does every time someone gets sick or injured? we have to go to the bloody hospital! Pisses me off? have some variety man! Variety!
Reon: Never thought of it like that? But he has a point! Let?s go to rehab!
Ayrton: Oh god why did I come here.
(Cut to a rehab centre. Travis walks through with Sarah in a bed and goes up to a counter. Everyone else follows behind.)
Travis: My wife is dying! Help her!
Lady at counter: Um? This is a rehab centre?. Not a hospital?
Travis: Just bloody fix her!
(Sarah gets up and yawns.)
Sarah: What happened?
Travis: Oh thank you sooo much rehab centre! You saved my wife?s life! I should come here more often!
Sarah: Oh shit! I think I?m having a baby!
Travis: Save her rehab centre! Save her!!!
(The lady at the counter sighs and turns to walk away.)
Travis: He come back here you male bitch!
Ayrton: I think we should go to the hospital now!
Travis: No! The rehab centre will save her!
Ayrton: Does he normally behave like this?
Reon: No usually he gives up on these ideas by now? But he grabbed some weed on the way in and has been smoking it? So yeah.
Ayrton: Oh shit?
(Deanna then smacks Travis over the head with a vibrator.)
Jodie: Good work Deanna. What is that?
Deanna: it?s a big pen?
Ayrton: Actually I think that?s a vibrator.
(Deanna shivers and faints.)
Ayrton: I think you guys are really going to become famous at the hospital.
(Cut to the hospital? Everyone is in Deanna and Sarah?s room. Sarah is giving birth and Travis is holding her hands. Reon and the rest of the gang are pretending to be like a crowd watching a football game, cheering on the baby coming out. The baby comes out and the gang goes wild. Travis starts doing a dance and grabs the baby and throws him into the ground as if the baby was a football. Everyone stops cheering and looks at Travis. He?s still doing his victory dance. He stops when he hears no more cheering and looks at everyone.)
Travis: What did I do?
(The baby?s head is stuck in the floor, and its waving its legs around.)
Ayrton: Not even cool.
Sarah: What? What?s going on?
(She then sees the baby stuck in the floor.)
Sarah: I don?t see whats so wrong?
Jodie: They?re going to be excellent parents.
Deanna: I could be an excellent babysitter!
Jodie: NO! Remember that toy baby I trusted you with? You managed to burn it!
Deanna: I thought it might like to see how the microwave works.
Jodie: I give up arguing with you. Hey wait a minute? Aren?t you meant to be unconscious on the bed?
Deanna: Yeah, but Sarah was stealing all my thunder? I only had the janitor that kept sitting by my bed and saying everything was going to be okay.
Jodie: Fair enough.
Travis: Um? Ayrton.
Travis: How do we remove the baby?s head from the floor?
Ayrton: I?m surprised it?s still alive!
Travis: I?ll make sure it stays alive! Anyways now we just need June to have her baby? Then the night mare begins.
(Travis gets on the floor and starts rocking back and forth and whimpering.)
Reon: Hey where is June anyways?
(June walks in with 2 kids.)
June: Oh while you guys were sooo busy cheering on Sarah, I went to the toilet and pooped two babies out.
(June shows the babies covered in shit.)
June: I tried to clean them off as best as I could? want to hold one Reon?
Reon: No you look like your doing a fine job.
Reon: Actually you know what? I think I?m going to join Travis on the floor there.
(Reon gets down on the floor and starts doing what Travis is doing.)
Jodie: Hey Ayrton come here.
Ayrton: Yeah? What?
Jodie: I was just wondering if you wouldn?t mind marrying me?
Ayrton: Like I was saying before? Isn?t this happening just a bit too fast?
Jodie: It?s a TV show god Dammit! We don?t know how long this show?s going to run on air so we got to fit in everything we can!
Ayrton: So?. Do I say yes?
Jodie: Might be a good idea, yes.
Ayrton: Alright then, well I will marry you then!
(During end credits, Reon comes out and sees the 2 babies sitting on the couch drinking their milk.)
Reon: Anything else I can get you guys?
(The baby turns to Reon and then speaks in a really low voice.)
Baby: Nah I?m fine pops! Just keep that milk coming or else I?ll have to do a drive by your house!
(Reon nods, and sheds a tear and races back to his room.)
(End of show.)