Series 2: Fat Adults.
Episode 1: Marriage.
(Show starts up. Reon, Travis and Michael are sitting on a balcony with a telescope that Reon is looking through.)
Reon: I?d give that girl?s but a 6 out of 10.
(Michael grabs the telescope and looks into it.)
Michael: More like a 5.
(Jodie come up behind them.)
Jodie: Hey guys! How are you going!
(Michael jumps in his seat and turns around.)
Michael: I was not looking at women?s butts.
Jodie: I wasn?t going to say that! And what! Why did you call me over here!
Michael: Forget what I just said.
(Michael bends down on one knee and gets something out of his pocket.)
Reon: Bet ya he?s going to give her a blowjob!
Travis: He can?t!
Reon: Who said Jodie was a girl?
(Jodie sneers at Reon. Michael pulls out a ring.)
Michael: Will you? Ahh? Will you?
Travis: He?s forgotten his line!
(Reon whispers something in Michael?s ear.)
Michael: Thanks Reon. Jodie, it is my pleasure to not marry you, dump you and leave you to cry some where.
Reon: Sorry! Couldn?t help but give it a try!
Michael: I remember now! Will you marry me!
Jodie: YES! YES!
(Show starts up again.)
Reon: What! No! NO! You can?t!
Michael: Too late!
Jodie: Yes! Now we can buy our own house and have children!
Michael: Hang On! I?m not having children running around! I can just imagine it now! They?re a clown! Millions of them! Ahh!
Reon: We watched Saw last night.
(Camera view changes. At a party in a backyard.)
Reon: Why did we have to come to Michael?s stupid engagement party?
Travis: Because, if we become his best friends, we will be able to make him kill Jodie!
Reon: And has that ever worked?
Travis: Uh? Shutup you bastard!
Reon: I?ll give you ten bucks if you marry Sarah!
Travis: Hmmm? It seems so simple! But I can?t do it! I?m too scared!
Reon: There?s nothing to be afraid of. You just have to face her like a man. I mean, I?m not scared of any girl?
(Camera view shows a hot lady talking to Sarah.)
Reon: Who?s that!
Travis: It?s Sarah?s best friend, June.
Reon: I was afraid her name was June!
(Reon ducks underneath the table. Travis walks over to Sarah and proposes while Reon is crawling under tables. He comes near a skirt and looks up.)
Reon (whispering): No underwear!
(The girl looks down at Reon. It?s June.)
June: We meet again Reon!
Reon: June! What a lovely surprise! I didn?t realise you were here! Ha! Weird, isn?t that!
June: Cut the crap and follow me!
(June takes Reon?s arm and takes Reon away. Michael is watching this and turns back to Jodie.)
Michael: Is that??
(Michael looks back at the show. A comedian has just said a joke. Everyone laughs.)
Comedian: I?m dieing of laughter!
(The comedian falls on the ground. Everyone starts laughing.)
Comedian: Seriously everyone! I?m dieing.
(The comedian falls dead on the ground. Everyone keeps on laughing.)
(Camera view changes to Reon and June inside the house, were nobody could see them.)
June: I?ve got a little deal for you.
Reon: Do you want me to leave? No way!
June: My parents are coming here to see my boyfriend.
Reon: And you want me to help you! Why should I help you! You left me!
June: You left me!
Reon: Oh yeah! Funny that!
June: Just say yes!
Reon: Yes! I will help you!
June: Thank you so much!
(Camera view changes to Jodie and Michael in a house.)
Jodie: Should we buy this house!
Michael: The basement looks like the Saws movie!
(They enter another house.)
Jodie: This looks beautiful.
Michael: It has no beds!
Jodie: We can make our own beds! It will be a wonderful weekend activity!
Michael: I?m not doing that crap!
(They enter another house. It?s a hut.)
Jodie: What do you think of this pile of crap!
Michael: It?s perfect! See those ropes over there? We can hang our kids on there!
(Jodie gasps and takes Michael out of the hut.)
(Camera view changes to Reon in the hotel alone.)
Reon: This is bullshit! I?m all alone! Nobody?s here to look after the bills! I?m screwed! What am I going to do! Oh oh! The weddings nearly on! I?d better get out of here!
(Reon changes into his best man?s suit and gets in his car.)
Guy: Oi! Get out of me car!
Reon: Sorry! But I?m gonna miss a wedding!
(He drives the car off at top speed. The police drive up and stop the car. A police man gets out of the car and over to Reon?s car.)
Reon: Hey Ben!
Policeman: It?s Sargent Ben to? Is that you Reon?
Ben: Oh yeah! Um, someone said that this car was stolen.
Reon: It is borrowing. I?m going to give it back!
Ben: And you were over the speed limit!
Reon: Late for a wedding!
Ben: All clean!
Reon: See ya!
(The car drives off.)
(Camera view changes to an outside place wedding. Michael and Travis are looking around for Reon.)
Michael: I knew Reon wouldn?t turn up! Wait! What if Jigsaws got him? The clown from Saw has got Reon!
(A car drifts right next to the wedding. Reon jumps out.)
Reon: I didn?t even have a drivers licence!
Travis: Begin the wedding!
Reon: Uh, Travis, why are you wearing one of those suits?
Travis: Oh yeah! Michael and me are having a double wedding!
Michael: We?re getting married at the same time!
(They begin the wedding. Michael and Travis are up the front with Reon.)
Michael: I really need to pee!
Travis: Pee in that thing over there!
Michael: Isn?t that thing the baptising water thing!
Travis: Their going to clean it today! Just hurry up!
(Michael relieves himself in time to turn around and see Jodie and Deanna walking down. Deanna trips over.)
Deanna: Go on without me!
(Jodie keeps on going.)
Deanna: Nice friendship!
(Jodie and Michael hold hands and face the pastor. And the pastor is Reon!)
Michael: What are you doing!
Jodie: If this is some joke, then please don?t do it today!
Reon: No! The pastor said he had to go to the toilet. He says he has diarrhoea problems!
(Sarah comes down with June. Travis holds hands with Sarah and Sarah gasps! The camera shows Reon wearing a gray wig and moustache.)
Sarah: He looks so much like Reon!
Michael: Tell me about it!
Pastor Reon: We are joined here in holy matrimony to get these two married so they can hump like they?ve never humped before!
(The crowd gasps and starts talking.)
Pastor Reon: Sileennnccceee!!!! Now, let?s get on with it. Um, it saids I?ve got to do a sermon. I?ve got an excellent sermon!
(A rock band appears here. They all start singing ?Let There Be Rock.?)
Lady (after the song is finished) : this has gone on far enough! You are not the real pastor!
Pastor Reon: That is not true!
Lady: Yes it is! Because I?m the pastor!
Lady: That was my husband you were talking too!
Reon: Oh shit!
Lady: What did you say! You swore!
(The lady starts hitting Reon on the head.)
Reon: Sorry! Sorry!
(Camera view changes back to the wedding. The lady is now in her pastor outfit, and Reon is back as best man.)
Pastor: Now that we?ve finally gotten that sorted out?
Reon: I was doing pretty good!
Pastor: Anyway, do you take this man to be your wife.
Michael and Travis at the same time: I do!
Travis: Hey! I?m supposed to go first!
Michael: Nah ah! I go first because I?m better then you!
(Everyone goes quiet. Michael and Travis are hiding up in a tree, looking scared at her. They then climb down and continue.)
Pastor: And the girls?
Jodie and Sarah (singing): Yes! We do! We really , really do!
(They Hi-5 each other.)
Michael: Did we marry the wrong people?
Travis: Yep. I?m holding Jodie?s hand and you?re holding Sarah?s hand.
(Jodie and Sarah look at their hands. They switch over and continue.)
Pastor: Now, if anybody thinks that these four should not be married, speak now, or hold your peace forever.
Reon: I can?t let them get married!
Pastor: (sigh) And why not?!
Reon: Because? They?re? Uh? One of them is married to me!
Pastor: Is this true!
Jodie: This was in Las Vegas! That doesn?t count!
Pastor: Actually it does!
(Reon picks up the marriage certificate.)
Reon: Do you want me to dispose of this so you can marry Michael?
Reon: Wait! What am I doing? I should be using this as making her a slave!
(Deanna grabs the certificate and rips it up.)
Pastor: The rings?
Reon: Here they are!
(Reon hands over four burger rings.)
Michael: Where are they?
(Reon sighs, then hands the real ones over.)
Reon: You?d think they?d let me get away with it!
Deanna: Eh! I tried that at my wedding! It worked!
Reon: You never got married!
Deanna: That?s what you think!
(Deanna imagines herself in friends, marrying herself to Zac Efron as Ross, and her as Rachel. She then snaps out of it.)
Reon: You got married on the TV show ?FRIENDS? to Zac Efron playing Ross?
Deanna: This TV show is showing my whole personal life! Curse you, creator!
Reon: I?m the creator!
(Deanna punches Reon in the nose.)
Pastor: You may now kiss the bride?
(Michael kisses the pastor.)
Pastor: Bride, you dickhead!
Reon: The Pastor just swore!
(Reon picks up the chair and smashes her over the head.)
Reon: Don?t sware!
(The pastor?s face gets redder.)
Reon: I think we should go now!
(Everyone races out of the room.)
Pastor: Now for the baptising.
(The pastor dunks the baby?s head in the water. The baby gets allergic.)
Pastor: Your baby?s allergic to something in there!
(The Pastor tastes the water.)
Pastor: Ewwww! Who peed in the water!
(The baby blows up.)
(Camera view changes to nowhere where there is nothing except a telephone booth. A pumpkin carriage comes up.)
Reon: I wonder who?s riding in that?
(Jodie, Michael, Travis and Sarah jumps in.)
Jodie: We are! This is our honeymoon!
Deanna: You can?t leave me here! I?m your best friend!
(Deanna jumps in.)
June: And I?m not staying with that asshole! He might leave me again!
(June jumps in.)
Reon: I?m Michael and Travis?s best friend! You can?t leave me!
(But they?ve already left.)
Reon: Fuck you!
(Reon throws a rock at the carriage. It hits a horse. The horse dies.)
Reon: Oh God!
(All the horses trip over and die. Everyone gets out and looks at Reon.)
(They all chase Reon down the road.)
(Everything goes black. A subtitle comes up saying ?Two Weeks Later!?. Everyone bursts into the apartment. They all fall in with ripped clothes and the boys have beards.)
Jodie: I hate you Reon!
Reon: Thanks for the update!
Jodie: No problem!
June: My parents are going to be here in two weeks from the wedding!
Deanna: When was the wedding?
June: Two weeks ago!
(Everyone looks over the balcony. Her parents are getting out of the car.)
June: Quick! Get these place cleaned up and change clothes!
(Everyone goes in fast motion around the room cleaning up. Deanna starts throwing stuff in a cupboard. Michael sits at the table with Travis and plays poker. June shouts out commands. And Reon comes out in different clothes for June. She keeps shaking her head. Then there?s a knock.)
(She opens up the door. Her parents enter.)
Mum: Well, it?s very clean!
(Her dad is looking at Travis and Michael.)
Dad: So, playing some poker, eh?
Dad: May I play?
Travis: Sure you can!
(He sits down. They shuffle the cards and give two cards to each player.)
Travis: Whatcha got?
Dad: Aren?t I suppose to wait till the end.
Michael: No! This is a new version.
(Travis throws his hand down.)
Travis: Queen and a Jack!
Michael: Oh no!
Michael: He can now make one of us his slave for the month!
Travis: And I choose you Michael!
Michael: Ahh! Not the room with the clowns!
Travis: We really need to stop watching Saw!
Dad: I?ve got two Queens!
Travis: That means you need to be thrown off the balcony!
(They start fighting on the floor. Camera view changes to June and her mums walking down the hallway.)
Mum: So! Where is he?
(Reon jumps out dressed as Danny in ?Grease?. He then starts singing ?You?re the one that I want?.)
Mum: Interesting. I think I?ll check what your father is doing.
(She walks off. June turns to Reon.)
June: What are you doing?
Reon: I thought she might like some 80?s music.
June: You idiot!
Reon: You want me to change into my Elton John outfit?
(They both hear a scream and run off.)
(Camera view changes to Michael about to throw dad off the edge.)
Jodie: Michael! What are you doing?
Michael: He got two Queens!
Jodie: Oh! Okay, carry on!
June: No, stop! You can?t do this to my dad!
Michael: He?s your dad! He looks like Richie Rich?s dad if you ask me! Greedy little snob!
(He drops dad on the ground.)
Dad: Well, June, can we speak to you alone?
(They walk outside. June gets ready for the lecture.)
Dad: He sucks!
June: Yeh, I know, but I love him!
Mum: He isn?t your real boyfriend, is he?
June: Yes he is!
Dad: Don?t worry! We know about it! So, if you don?t have a real boyfriend, you?re going to have to come to Antarctica with us!
June: He is my real boyfriend!
Mum: Prove it!
(June runs into the room and pashes Reon. Reon takes this as a surprise.)
Reon: Thanks darling.
(Then he turns to Michael.)
Reon: Told you I could attract the first girl I meet.
(Michael hands over ten bucks.)
Dad: That doesn?t prove it! You have to marry him!
Mum: You said in your E-mail that you wanted to marry your boyfriend. Isn?t that true?
(Reon faints on the ground.)
(Words come up saying ?To be continued!?)