Love is in my pants
Scene 1: Int. Ayrton?s house
Reon, Travis, Michael and Ayrton are sitting at the dinner table. Reon is trying to cut his sausage on a plate, but can?t. Everyone is just staring at Reon trying to cut the sausage.
Ayrton: Um? Reon, do you need some help?
Reon: NO! I?m okay. This is just one tough sausage.
Reon looks at the sausage and gives the death stare.
Reon (in low voice): You?re probably wondering, have I cut you 6 times or 5? Well to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kinda lost track myself. But being this a knife, one of the only types of knives in the world, and would cut you in half, you gotta ask yourself? Do you feel lucky punk? Well, do ya?
The camera view changes to stare at the sausage. It doesn?t move. Reon screams and starts cutting the sausage again.
Camera view changes to see Michael, Travis and Ayrton staring at each other.
Camera view changes back to Reon, who is still screaming, on the ground, still trying to cut the sausage. He then stops, sighs, and starts eating it by hand. He gets back up on the table again.
Reon: Anyway Ayrton, what were you saying?
Ayrton: Well, there is this one girl.
Travis: Who?s not a chimp?
Ayrton: That was a mistake! I should?ve never gotten involved with her!
Reon: Or who?s not a dog?
Ayrton: I haven?t gone out with a dog.
Reon?s eyes widen.
Reon: I thought we were talking about our old relationships.
Michael: No dickhead, we were talking about Ayrton?s new secret girlfriend!
Reon stops eating the sausage.
Reon: I think I should go.
Reon gets up and walks away. Can hear Reon punching the wall
Reon (OOV): God damn it! Why?d you tell them that one! You should?ve told them the one about the duck! Jesus!
Ayrton: Anyway? She isn?t a chimp, or a dog.
Michael: Then what is she? A horse?
Ayrton: NO! She?s a normal human being! Why does everyone think I?m dating chimps and horses? I?m not a retard anymore!
Michael: I wouldn?t count on that.
Travis: Anyway? Just tell us who this secret girl is of yours.
Ayrton: No. Why should I?
Michael: I?ll let you play on my World of Warcraft account?
Everyone stares at Michael.
Michael: What did I say?
Travis: Could you get any gayer?
Michael: But Reon was talking about fucking a dog? It?s just? I?ll be quiet.
Travis: Good. Now Ayrton, you know the extreme damage I can do if a little someone doesn?t tell a big someone.
Ayrton: You?re gonna rape them?
Travis reaches across the table and smashes Ayrton?s head into the table.
Travis: You should?ve learned by now to keep your mouth shut.
Ayrton: Maybe you should learn to keep your mouth shut and you might loose a few kilos.
Travis jumps across the table. Ayrton ducks and runs off. Travis gets off the ground and follows Ayrton. Michael is still there, confused.
Michael: What?s so wrong with saying World of Warcraft?
Camera cuts to Ayrton being chased by Travis down the hallway. They then smash into a room.
Camera view changes to show Reon on the bed, in the Rocky Horror costume worn by Frank?N?Furter, singing along to the Rocky Horror song ?Sweet Transvsestite. They are both staring at Reon. Reon sees them and stops singing.
Reon: You?d think by now I?d have learned to get drunk back at my place? When I?m alone.
Camera cuts to Ayrton and Travis, nodding there heads. They walk out of the room and back down the hallway.
Ayrton: That?s not gonna go away for a while.
Camera view changes back to Michael at the table.
Michael (talking to himself): I mean, Reon?s allowed to go around saying he humped a bloody dog! And he gets off! Meanwhile, I just mention World of Warcraft, and everyone is out to get me! What the hell!
Travis and Ayrton sit down.
Travis: I can?t even remember what we were fighting about before.
Ayrton: Probably a good thing.
Michael: I mean, World of Warcraft is awesome! How could people not like it?
Travis: Michael. Just shut up will ya?
Michael: NO! I?m standing up for myself!
Michael smashes his fist on the table.
Michael holds his fist. Reon then comes back and sits down.
Reon: So who?s this dream girl, Ayrton?
Travis: What the fuck? You tell Reon, but not us? Reon?s a crazy alcoholic fused dickhead, and you tell him!
Ayrton: Oh my god! I told REON about Jodie! Holy shit!
Reon: Who?s Jodie?
Ayrton takes out a picture of Jodie and shows Reon.
Ayrton (Triumphtly): That is Jodie.
Reon: Okay? Who?s Jodie?
Travis: The girl Ayrton is in love with.
Reon: Okay? Interesting? And who?s this a picture of?
Reon: Okay? And who?s Jodie?
Ayrton: The girl I?m in love with!
Reon: Ahhh! I get it! But wait? Who?s this a picture of?
Reon: Okay? I?m still confused. Who?s Jodie?
Ayrton: God dam it Reon! This is a picture of Jodie and Jodie is the girl I am in love with! You understand!!!!!
Reon: Jeez Ayrton. You don?t have to yell. You could?ve just told me. Jesus.
Ayrton sighs and falls back in his chair.
Reon: And you like her?
Reon starts laughing.
Ayrton: What?s so funny?
Reon stops laughing.
Ayrton: What?s so funny?
Reon: It?s just? Michael?s in the corner of the photo, playing World of Warcraft!!
Reon and Travis start laughing.
Ayrton: Wait! Michael! You know Jodie?
Michael: Yeah? We kinda went out?
Ayrton?s face is getting redder.
Michael: And I think I?m gonna shut up. Um? I gotta doctor?s appointment soon, so? I?ll just be going now.
Michael gets up. Ayrton picks up Reon?s plate that held the sausage and throws it at Michael?s head. Michael turns around. Ayrton runs away. There is a knock at the door. Michael answers it. Jodie is there.
Michael: Hey Jodie!
Jodie: Hey Michael! Ready to go to the concert?
Michael: Yeah. Let me just get the guys
Michael turns around.
Michael (yelling): I wonder if we want to buy any prostitutes!
Reon, Travis and Ayrton appear next to Michael.
Reon: Is that the prostitute?
Michael: No, she?s?
Michael: Where?d Reon and Jodie go?
Hear Jodie scream. Michael, Travis and Ayrton look out the front door.
Camera cuts to Reon chasing Jodie across the front lawn.
Camera then cuts back to Michael, Travis and Ayrton.
Ayrton: This is my chance to do a good impression for Jodie! I?ll save you!
Ayrton runs out the door.
Camera cuts to Ayrton running over to Jodie.
Ayrton: Hey! Where?s Reon?
Hear revving of a car.
Camera cuts to Reon, who is in a car, revving the engine. Reon pokes his head out the window.
Reon: I want my prostitute!
Michael runs in front of the car while its revving the engine.
Michael: Listen here! Jodie is not a prostitute!
Reon: Hey! Jodie sounds familiar!
Michael: Yes! So don?t hurt her!
Reon: Yeah! I think I?ve had a prostitute called Jodie already!
Reon starts driving the car at Michael. The car smashes at Michael, and Michael is unharmed. Reon crawls out of the car.
Reon: Bloody Michael. No fun at all.
Jodie runs over to Michael.
Jodie: Thanks for saving my life!
Michael: You know the real hero was Ayrton.
Michael winks at Ayrton. Ayrton walks over proudly.
Jodie: What! He didn?t do anything! He just stood there holding me!
Michael: No seriously! If it wasn?t for him, I?d be dead!
Jodie: Stop trying to make Ayrton look awesome so I?d date him! We?ve still got an hour left of the movie!
Michael: Fair enough! Piss of Ayrton!
Scene 2: Concert
Michael, Travis, Reon and Jodie are all at the concert. The concert hasn?t started yet, and they are just talking.
Ayrton: Michael, why are you such a dickhead?
Michael: You heard what Jodie said! I can?t compete against her!
Travis: Ayrton?s just upset because Jodie doesn?t like him.
Ayrton: She never said that!
Travis: Everyone can see it.
Michael: I?m scared.
Ayrton: What?s wrong poor Michael? Past your bed time?
Michael: No! It?s just I haven?t heard from Reon for a long time.
Ayrton: Oh shit!
Ayrton gets up. Jodie and Reon?s seats are empty. Ayrton runs down the stairs.
Camera cuts to the canteen. Ayrton stops when he sees Reon and Jodie holding a bucket of food.
Ayrton: What have you done with Jodie?
Reon: Relax. We went to get some food!
Ayrton: Why didn?t you tell us?
Jodie: We did! But Michael had brought World of Warcraft with him, Travis was doing a streak across the stage, and you were fantasizing about me.
Ayrton: I was not.
Jodie: You were asleep and saying my name and your hand was down your pants.
Ayrton: I was? A bit itchy.
Deanna then comes in and gives Ayrton a big hug.
Deanna: Hello Ayrton! Hello Jodie! Hello strange person who I?ve never seen before but have actually known all my life but the script writers accidentally made me not know you are until it was too late to fix.
Reon: Um? Hello?
They start to set off. Ayrton grabs Deanna and takes her in a different direction.
Ayrton: Deanna. I need your help.
Deanna: What is it?
Ayrton: I? I? I love? Jodie.
Deanna: What about Jodie?
Ayrton: I love her!
Ayrton: And I need your help.
Deanna: With what?
Ayrton: making Jodie like me.
Deanna: Well, what you do is you gotta impress her. So you gotta?
Camera cuts to Reon and Jodie sitting next to Michael and Travis. Michael is on a laptop, playing World of Warcraft.
Michael: Cool! I?m level 72! Now no one will defeat me with this awesome spell.
Travis: If I hear ANYTHING remotely sounding like World of Warcraft, I will?
Travis stops and his eyes widen.
Camera cuts to see Ayrton running across the stage, stripping whilst running. Police men grab him while he tries to take his T-shirt off.
Camera cuts back to the seats. Deanna has joined them.
Jodie: God I hate people who think they are cool because they streak across the stage!
Deanna: I thought you like men who did that?
Jodie: Not anymore! I hate them! I. Hate. Them.
Deanna: Oh shit?
Camera cuts to Ayrton talking to a police man on stage.
Policeman: What?s your name?
Policeman: Reon who?
Ayrton: Reon Robinson?
Policeman: That?s funny.
Policeman: Because me and Reon are best friends.
Ayrton: Oh shit