Worst day ever!

Worst day ever!

(Unknown)   by kimbersteph1965_14945

Funny Stories   (1030 Views 0 Comments)

Today was the the first day of my new job with an up and coming advertising company. I was hired a week prior as an sales account executive, I completed my training at the top of my class and Now the time had come for me to be  let loose, I was to go out and canvass new customers, cold call, this was the early 90s, The internet just made it's public day view with dial up, Cell phones were as big as tablets and being in sales and advertising was just like the show, Ad men, I was the new hot shot! I was young Very attractive, intelligent and highly sought after in this new emerging concept of using the female power to attract new customers but there was one huge problem, a flaw in my design, I was clumsy and sometimes unable to tune into the environment around me and I was unaware of a rare condition which I had causing my blood to not clot propery, causing all of the above problems, but none the less, My new advertising firm sent me out  into the world to give it a try. I was to gather as many clients as possible to bring my company new clients and more money,  I spent all week shopping for an appropriate outfit to wear, I bought all the things needed to look professional and be organized.

The first day of my new exciting job finally came, I rose early ,4 Am, Couldn't sleep, took a shower, made myself I nice breakfast, coffee, Did my hair, make up, nails, everything to perfection then put on my brand new high end business attire, at the time the fashion was a one piece jumpsuite, The top half was all black and the bottom half met the top half right under the bust line, it was all white, sleeveless, it was August, paired with a matching lightweight blazer, shoes to match. 

I gathered my breif case, My cars keys and headed out, as soon As I approached the on ramp, I noticed traffic was built up, as far as I could see. Already I forgot to take into account the amount of time it would take me to drive to my new job each morning. Suddenly, I felt a bit of the excitement for this day leave me and a feeling of, this is going to be a bad day starting to take on its own life-form in my head, Now I'm getting nervous, I've got cars In front of me, cars behind me, I'm stuck in traffic I need to be at the office in 15 minutes, It's my first day. I've gotta be on time. As I sit waiting,. Out of the corner of my left eye, I think I see something on the ground moving,  manandering and weaving through the stopped traffic, It's a stray dog, A lean , tall, pitbull mix ,Do I get out and help it? What if it's dangerous? Do I roll down my window and call to it, to try and help it, Yes, I need to help it, I call out to the dog, it hears me, it starts to walk towards my truck, I say to it, " Hey buddy, You ok" You need help? We lock eyes, at that very moment he runs forward leaps forward and onto the hood of my on the hood of my car, Ass to my windshield barking his ass off,  and just stands there, I'm like"what? What the Hell. So I roll down my window to shoe him off my hood and he starts barking violently at me, scaring me, so I roll up my window and scream " what the fuck" And the moment I exude this force of frustration and anger I feel a warm liquid rush of fluid fill my underwear, I day to myself, " this is Not happening" no, no, no, Then I look down and yep, The whole crotch area begins to seep out bright red blood all over the front of my new white outfit. I panicked, I beep my horn, the dogs jumps off my hood and makes it safely to the other side of the off-ramp, As I watch him get to safety, an opening in the traffic from the other drivers watching the dog becomes available, I'm taking it, unbeknownst to me, someone called the state police while we were in traffic to inform them of the stray dog, do I pull up and over trying to get off the next off-ramp and what do I see and hear behind me? Police lights and a siren, The police are pulling me over, Wow, really, I'm beside myself now, I grab my blazer, Throw it over my bloody lap, pull over onto the side of traffic and am met with a very pissed off state police ,officer, His first statement, You cut me off, you almost caused an accident and I'm pulling you over for dumping your dog on the highway. I'm like, "What?  First of all, ItS not my dog, if you'll just calm down and allow me to explain( that did NOT go over well) what took place here, I will, second of all, I have an emergency and need to get to a rest room asap," He says, "what's  the emergency", I say," it's personal" He gives me A 180.oo ticket for some made up traffic violation and another 500.oo ticket and a mandatory court hearing for the stray dog he claimed, I dumped on the highway.. in utter disbelief, Still reeling from the events, I drive home, get to the front of my house, park the car, gather my breif case and head to the sidewalk, to enter the house, as I'm walking, the stress of what just took place hit me in the chest like a ton of bricks, Next thing I Know, I hear voices and clinky metal noises, Someone calling out my name, Kimber, Kimber, I open my eyes, to see I'm flat on my back, there are people standing and knelling over me, strangely enough the sky is a beautiful blue, with no clouds, Then my focus, focuses in on a firefighter, then sound comes into play and I realize something happened to me, I feel a breeze, I'm covered in a blanket, which is only half covering my body and the bottom half of my outfit is missing, I said to myself, "I know I put on a one piece this morning, it zipped up the side, How it, I only have on the too half? The firefighter seeing the confusion on my face, addressed me, then proceeded to explain my current situation, It went something like this  "Mam, we thought you were shot, we thought you suffered a gun shot wound to the upper thigh, You we're laid out in your front yard, Your land lord found you. We cut off you clothes to get access to gunshot wound, we then realized, that wasn't the case, we apologize mam, How are you feeling" I replied, "humiliated" embaressed, Then asked for a few extra blankets and a maxi pad,  and laughed an uncontrollable laughter, from stress I'm sure,  and as I was laoded into the ambulence, The process of answeing the many questions as to how I ended up laid out in my front yard began,  I explained how my day lead up to this point. We laughed all the way to the hospital .  Stay tuned for the second half, of my worst day ever 

Comedy Type: Humor Type: Comedy Scene:
10 Person
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Having a bad day? We all have them, I really hope you get a laugh out of mine..

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