So I had an idea after a few beers

So I had an idea after a few beers

(10-30m)   by Jamyt2000_12598

Funny Stories   (1249 Views 1 Comments)

I was three beers deep when the devious half of my split personality comes thru my subconscious thought and says "mayday" we have a situation that requires immediate engagement. "We need (I say we cause I'm bipolar)to put this plan into action ASAP sir" the plans goes as follows A....."steal the Ronald McDonald" and 1,2,3,go.. and being how I was almost upon the turn-in there was no time for contemplating the pro & con possibilities or outcomes of the situation. Pressed for time for drawing up plans, reading any skematics or spitballing,"no". This required sudden braking with the sound of locking brakes and squealing tires and all the objects in the rear of the car to be suddenly and immediately relocated to the front of my ride , which worked out cause the back needed to be emptied out to make room cause that's where ole' Ronald was about to be packed for shipping and handling purposes. I shimmied across the tall metal gate fence that protects playland from I reckon wild animals and varmits and such, tip-toed by the plastic ball pen, then I climbed up onto this little wooden podium there, put Ronald in a headlock, put both feet on his ass cheeks and pushed back with all my weight, and the boards began creaking and the sound of plastic popping and within seconds I had took ole' Ronny (that's what I call him know, Ronny) down  for the pin as if it was "last man standing wrestle mania" but there was no time to go for a pin or for celebration, I had to remove myself from the scene of the crime with the quickness!. So I chucked Ronny across the fence, where he let out a thunderously hollow sound, popped the hatch of my two seater sports car and shoved him into the open hatch until his shoulders hit the back of the seats his big red clown face was over top of my console and jumped behind the wheel and tore off. Now that was unfortunately as far into the plan that my devious half hap hazard plan had gotten during the hatching of this brain fart of an idea I had. First there was plan A….steal Ronald, 2nd there was no plan B, no 2nd, the only 2nd were the ones ticking away from my getaway time.And I’m thinking I'm as good a liar as the next man but I don’t know how I would’ve explained the three empty beer bottles in the floor board, the roach in my ashtray and the two & a half feet of Ronald that was still hanging out the back of my hatch. Not to mention the two feet of 2x4’s that were still nailed to his big ass clown shoes. I would be hard pressed to come up with a sorta believable story much less one that wouldn't end with me picking up trash along the highway for 3 months.I can imagine the look of bewilderment on them officers face when they saw me go by..” what in gods name is hanging out the back of thompsons ride"? I can hear’m saying to theyself’ "at least he know he’s supposed to have a red flag tied to anything hanging out over" "WAIT" are those  red clown shoes? Attached to two by fours? "That's looking very suspicious even for Thompson" cause they knew me like that."And did he just turn up a beer?" "Roo-roo! Roo-roo mutha fucker!" "Pull over to the side of the road". "The other side dumb ass" "opposite the median" "Of all the things you could be doing tonight, this was your final decision? No other options crossed your mind?" "This just hit you like a two ton heavy thing and you rolled with it!You were strained for intelligent ideas i guess," "so you just invented a new and improved wonderously bad one," "is there even a statute that covers kidnapped Ronald McDonalds?" "The fellas down at the station are gonna love this" "and the explanation that goes along with it" "why couldn’t i have kept running radar like a normal Tuesday night?" "And I'm sure that's what they would've said but as luck would have it I got away clean, quite the great escape I might add. yeap..Then it occurred to me.."what the hell am I gonna do with this thing know?" Then it hits me, I'll take it out the road to my boys house. So I go to my buddies apartment, slip Ronny out the back, wrestle with him across the yard and prop him right up against the bedroom window and knock. And don't you know, when he threw back those curtains and saw ole ronald himself one hand on his hip the other waiving like hell, he jumped like a damn jack-in-tha-box! You'd have thought he said Candyman three times in the mirror by the look on his face. I think it even scared his sick off! At least he walked like it did. It's definitely a location joke, you just had to be there! Me and my boy had a few cold beers and ole Ronald ended up at the bus stop with a beer taped to his waiving hand and kids running round the rosey around him come morning. And that is why all play lands at McDonalds are now built with windows and building frame around them! Your welcome....

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This is a true story that turned into a joke but needs a better ending, not sure of statute of limitations but….got many more crime stories if interested.

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Submitted by Jamyt2000_12598 on Thu, 09/21/2023 - 00:36
Stories left to tell…smoking weed in jail, calling in sick to jail, dating cops wives, watch out for the dope dogs, trip to Vegas, damn that moonshine, this one time on work release. All true, I couldn’t make these up!

1 Person 10-30m Funny Stories - So I had an idea after a few beers