Reon: the playboy with no job and gets drunk
Travis: The smart one of the group that is an engineer.
Michael: Average smartness. Works at a nightclub.
Jodie: Michael?s girlfriend. She and her friend, Deanna, work at Woolworths.
Travis?s Girlfriend, Sarah: She is Travis?s girlfriend. Is a stripper for Michael?s nightclub.
And Reon?s girlfriend is new about every 3 episodes. So some episodes it could be a stranger, or Michael?s known friends or someone else. But the first couple of episodes are Taz; Reon?s drunk girlfriend.
Episode 1: Moving In.
(Camera shows a hotel room that?s empty. Then the entrance to the room falls down. Michael enters first.)
Michael: Told you it needed a little kick
(Travis walks in, his mouth wide open.)
Travis: You bloody wrecked the door! I was about to say use the keys in your hands, but you just don?t listen! That?s coming out of your money!
(Reon walks in.)
Reon: I think it?s perfect! We don?t have to use the keys any more! Michael, you?re a genius! We should post this in to the nerds club and see what they say!
Michael: You really think so?
Reon: Your name?s going to be in lights!
(Jodie walks in.)
Jodie: Hey guys!
Reon: What are you doing here?
Jodie: my friends and me got the room down the hallway.
Reon: Oh great! Now we got to put up with Michael?s stupid girlfriend. Stupid retard.
Jodie: What did you say?
Reon: Who said that? Michael, how could you! I?ll just be leaving.
(Walks backwards, still watching them. Accidentally falls out window. )
Michael: Nice! Now we can still see each other everyday! I love you Jodie!
Jodie: I love you Michael!
(Start hugging. Words come up saying ?we won a Grammy for best love scene for this!)
Reon (from the bottom): Nice doggy! Who wants a biscuit. Oh uhh! Ahh! OI! You fat mongrel! I?m gonna, Ahh!
(Opening Credits start up with actor?s names. The song we?re using is ?Grow Up?. )
(Show starts up again. Jodie and Michael are still hugging. Travis wakes up on the couch and walks over to the calendar.)
Travis: This is the 5th day they?ve been hugging. They could get a world record at this rate.
(They finally stop hugging.)
Michael: Wow! That felt like it went on for days! But it was actually only a couple of seconds! That?s weird, ain?t it Travis?
Travis: Yes. Really weird.
(Deanna walks into the room.)
Deanna: Oh my god! I found you. You?ve been missing for days now! Come on! We still got to sign those papers!
(They both leave the room.)
Travis: Look! You just ruined our Grammy award! Anything else you want to do?
Michael: Oh shit! I?m late for work.
(Michael leaves the room.)
Travis: You?re already 5 days late! Oh great! Now I?m all alone! Hey wait! Reon?s still here!
(Travis walks into Reon?s room. Reon?s walking around the place with the transvestite costume of Rocky Horror Picture Show. Reon?s singing ?Sweet transvestite.)
Travis: Great! The beer got to him first!
(Reon notices Travis.)
Reon (in drunken voice): It?s not what you think! I am? practicing for a talent show. Yeah!!
(Reon then falls back on the bed,)
Travis: Oh shit!! I?m late for work!
(Camera view changes to a nightclub. Inside, tons of people watching girls pole dancing. Michael at the bar giving drinks.)
Guy: Oi! Beer over here!
Michael; You look like you?re crying. What?s wrong?
Guy: Someone landed near my dog, the dog attacked and got killed! I can?t believe someone would be that cruel. Someone told me his name was Reon. I?m gonna kill him.
(Michael?s face gets redder.)
Guy: Is something wrong. You look like you have diarehia.
Michael: I?m okay. I just want to talk to someone over there.
(Michael walks into the middle of the dance floor where Reon and Travis are looking for girls.)
Reon: What do you think of this girl, Travis?
Travis: She just won?t fit with me.
Reon: Why not? She?s perfect!
Travis: She?s 7years old!
Michael: OI! Reon! You gotta get out of here!
Reon: It was just getting interesting! Travis was going to ask out that 7-year-old.
Travis: I was not!
Michael: Now, what was I going to tell you? You made me forget what I was about to say by that unappropriated comment!
(Travis turns his head away from the two arguing to see the pole dancers come out with ?Fly On The Wall? as their music. Travis?s dick grows out. Travis then chases after her after her performance.)
Travis: Hey! Wait up!
(Travis?s big dick trips people over.)
Travis: I thought you were great! And, uh, would you like a drink?
Girl: Sure. What?s your name, handsome?
Travis: no one has ever asked me that question! I love you! And the name?s Bond. James Bond!
Girl: So, what? You?re the creator of Bond underwear! Because if you are?
Travis: No! I just happen to have the same last name!
Girl: Okay. My name?s Sarah. But the folks here call me Sexy Sarah.
(Travis?s dick grows bigger. Travis looks down. His dick?s trying to hump Sarah?s vagina.)
Travis: Um? I?ll be back! You wanna have dinner? Sizzler?s in 10 minutes! See ya!
(Travis runs off.)
Sarah: James Bond? Now where is that familiar?
(Camera view switches back to Michael and Reon arguing.)
Reon: How is it my fault! You should?ve said it first!
Michael: Why the hell would Travis want to go out with a bloody 7-year-old!
(A drunken guy comes over and barfs at their feet.)
Reon: It?s your bar! You?d better clean up!
Michael (looking down at his feet): Okay smart guy! I didn?t want to do this, but I?m going to have to kill you.
Drunk Guy: What? Can?t hear you!
(Michael screams and grabs a fire axe)
Michael: Here comes Johnny!
Drunk Guy: Never watch bloody scary movies again! Ahh!
(Drunken guy runs out of the room. Travis comes up to Michael.)
Travis: OI! Michael! I need some tablets so my dick gets down!
(Without a word, Michael shoves the tablets into Travis?s dick.)
Travis: OI! You bastard! What was that for?
(Michael turns around to show the fire axe.)
Travis: Ahh! I didn?t call you a bastard! I?ll just be going now! Bye!
(Travis runs off)
(Camera view changes to Sarah sitting at a table at Sizzler?s.)
Sarah: Every single boy does this to me! Why do I keep on doing that! Not one of the boys I met is dangerous or something like that.
(Travis pushes everyone out of the line and runs over to Sarah?s table.)
Travis: Sorry I?m late! I had some trouble at MI6 headquarters. They were giving me another mission, but I couldn?t.
Sarah: I think I?ve found my perfect partner.
Travis: Woo hoo!
(Camera view changes to show the sun rising. Then camera view changes to inside the hotel room. Lots of beer bottles create a huge hill. Then a hand comes out. Scary music playing in the background. Then Reon comes out.)
Reon (in drunken voice): I?m just a sweet transvestite?
(Reon then falls back into the pile.)
(Camera view changes to Travis?s room. Travis opens his eyes, looks around the room, sees Sarah and goes back to bed. He then opens his eyes a couple of seconds later and looks at Sarah. He smiles and puts his head under the blanket. Hear moaning from Travis. Then the bed brakes. Sarah wakes up.)
Travis: Sorry darling! I didn?t mean to?
Sarah: We?re did you learn those moves!
Travis: What! That I did last night!
Travis (whispering): I don?t even remember what happened last night!
Sarah: So, where did you learn it?
Travis: You have lots of skills when you hump women on every mission you do!
(Hear a knocking from next door.)
Michael (from next door): No you didn?t! You just humped a lamb on the street and a bum kept saying ?do that? or ?do this!?
Travis: I?ll be back in a minute.
(Travis leaves the room.)
(Camera view changes to Travis pulling Michael?s ear out to the lounge room.)
Reon: Okay! Who was the smart one that put beer cans on me!
Travis: shutup and listen! Sarah, the girl in my bedroom, she thinks I?m James Bond! So you all have to act like I?m James Bond! Okay!
Reon: Only if I get to be Inspector Clouseau.
(Travis brings in Sarah)
Travis: So Sarah, would you like some breakfast?
Sarah: Oh my god!
Sarah: Michael? Remember me? We built the nightclub and I got a job as a pole dancer?
Michael: You?re that Sarah!?
Sarah: Oh My God again!
Travis: What is it this time
Sarah: You didn?t tell me you lived with Inspector Clouseau!
(Reon, as Inspector Clouseau, comes in.)
Reon (in French voice): Achh. You must be Miss Sexy Sarah, Eh?
(Sarah laughs. French Reon laughs funnily.)
Sarah: So, do you like AC/DC like me?
Inspector Clouseau Reon: Wee.
Sarah: I?m sorry! I didn?t know you liked wee a lot!
Inspector Clouseau Reon: No! Wee! Wee! You know, eh?
Sarah: Is that a transvestite costume you?re wearing underneath? How could you Inspector Clouseau!
Inspector Clouseau Reon: I shall be back soon!
Sarah: This is becoming a really weird morning for me! I need to sit down!
Travis: I?ll get you some breakfast.
(Travis looks in all the cupboards.)
Travis: Reon must?ve filled up the place with beer again!
Travis: You know him!
Sarah: We had a one-night stand! And I ended up with a baby! I gave him to the orphanage!
(Travis nods at Michael. Michael runs out of the room.)
(Camera view changes to Reon getting ready behind a chair. You don?t see Reon, just him throwing the clothes from behind the chair. Michael runs in.)
Michael: You went out with Sarah?
Reon: I didn?t realize she was Sarah!
(Reon comes out from behind the couch. He?s dressed up as Angus Young with a guitar on his back.)
Angus Reon: Let?s see what happens now!
(Reon walks out to see Jodie, Deanna and Sarah chatting while Travis are getting breakfast ready.)
Angus Reon: Hello, you sexy ladies!
Sarah: Oh My God! Angus Young!
(Sarah runs over and starts humping him.)
Jodie: Give it a rest, Reon!
(Sarah stops humping. Reon puts the finger up at Jodie.)
Sarah: How could you!
(She tears her clothes off to reveal black Matrix clothes. She starts bashing Reon around the place. Then she leaves the room.)
Michael: Tried to warn him!
Reon: You could?ve told me Jodie and Deanna was here!
Deanna: Do it again! Do it again!
Travis: You scared her away! Why did you do that?
Reon: I didn?t scare her away! Jodie did!
Jodie: Oh shut the fuck up you retard!
Reon: I?ll leave then! And go to Taz?s house!
Michael: She?s a weird emo chick!
(Reon storms out of the room.)
Michael: Maybe you should talk to her.
Travis: Better idea. I?ll hump the sadness away!
(Travis turns around and smashes through a wall and keeps going.)
Deanna: I think I?ll leave you two alone.
Michael: So? How was your day?
Jodie: Fuckin? stupid! This guy at Woolworths, which is where I work now by the way. Anyway, this guy must?ve slammed himself into this big triangle of toilet paper and ran off!
Michael: That was kinda me?
Jodie: If I had known it was you, I wouldn?t have asked them to hang the victim!
Michael: Oh shit?
(Hear moans and beds creaking from the room.)
(Camera view changes to Taz?s house. Taz is pretending to sing to this song when someone knocks. She throws the hairbrush away, fixes her hair and answers the door.)
Taz: Oh hey Reon! How you goin??
Reon: My friends just kicked me out of the room. And I need a place to stay, so?
Taz: YES! I mean, Yeh, I?m cool with that! Come on in!
Reon: Wow! Big house!
Taz: But one bed.
(Reon and Taz look at each other and nod.)
Reon: I guess I?ll have to sleep with you.
Taz: Actually, I?m feeling sleepy right now!
Reon: So am I!
(They both race up the stairs.)
(Camera view changes to the hotel room. Both Michael and Jodie look like they haven?t slept. The bed creaking keeps going on.)
Jodie: Why won?t they stop the noise? Why?
(Camera view changes to Travis and Sarah in bed. Travis goes under the sheets. Hear awful slurping while Sarah moans and moans. The door falls down and Jodie enters.)
Jodie: Shut the fuck up or else I?ll freakin? kill you!
(Jodie leaves the room. She enters the lounge room again. Michael is curled up, scared of her.)
Jodie: So, how was your day?
(Hear more bed creaking.)
Michael: Is that Travis again?
Jodie: No that?s someone else!
(Camera view changes to Taz and Reon humping each other. The window smashes and Jodie storms in.)
Jodie: Stop the bed creaking! Ahh!
Reon: What are you doing here?
Jodie: To stop the noises!
(Jodie smashes her way out again.)
Taz: Was that Jodie?
Reon: Eh. Who cares!
(Start humping again. Knocking at the door. Taz gets up and races down to answer. On the way, she has an orgasm.)
Taz: Orgasm on the stairs! Be careful!
(Reon gets up.)
Reon: Orgy what?
(Reon slips on the stairs and falls down. Gets knocked out.)
Taz: Oh hey Jack! You?d better hump me now before Reon wakes up! Hurry!
(Taz and Jack run up stairs)
(Put on closing credits.)
(During closing credits, show a mini clip. Travis is walking around the house drunk with a beer can. He throws the beer can at the TV. Michael then enters the room and sees the TV destroyed.)
Michael: Who destroyed the TV.
Travis: It was an accident.
(Michael gets up, angry.)
Michael: Hulk angry.
Travis: NO! Don?t be angry Hulk! Don?t be angry.
Michael: Then pay me 510 bucks or you shall die.
(Travis hands over the money and runs out of the room.)
Michael: The TV actually only costs 10 bucks. Heh.