Original Release Date: October 21, 2008
Obvious Satire "Sports-Wire Story"
-- By James Alex Gerard
"Rule disqualifies NFL teams with games that are more interesting to watch than its own cheerleading squad."
(JG) -- "No NFL team is allowed to have a game that's more interesting to watch than the club's own cheerleading squad," the Gerard Rules Committee stated today.
In addition, the committee ruled that "no NFL team is allowed to have any play during any game that's nicer to look at than the club's own cheerleading squad. Any violations of both provisions will be determined through "Officials" Discretion," according to the committee.
Under the "new rule," the "offending" team can be disqualified at any time during the contest for either -- or both -- provisions, and will forfeit the game. Any remaining network or broadcast time allotted for the game will be spent discussing the ousted club's own cheerleading squad instead, the committee also stated today.
The committee noted that the 2008 Cincinnati Bengals team was undoubtedly and indisputably "safe" under both provisions of the "new rule."