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STAKEOUT (gone wrong)

STAKEOUT (gone wrong)

(2.5m)   by Imthelordunicorn
 

Comedy Monologues   (93698 Views 50 Comments)

STAKEOUT

Description: Crazy, weirdo, ex-girlfriend hiding in a tree outside ex-boyfriend's house.

(in tree) Ugg this tree is so twiggy, I mean who's ever heard of a twiggy tree? So unnatural! Ugg oh well. ( whips out phone and dials a number) Hey i'm outside his house right now, he is soooo hot! Oh and guess what? (beat/pause) i'm gonna break into his hou- (beat) oh sorry ma'am wrong number! (ends call, and dials a different number) Oh hey. I'm outside his house right now! He is soooo hot! Oh and i had a great idea i'm going to break into his house when he lea- what? (sigh) no no no, you don't need to bring your lock picking kit. I have a key! (beat) What do you mean why do I have a key? Why don't youuu have a key?.... Just wait a second, i think i see him (takes out binoculars) Oh i see him, (gasp) he's with his girlfriend and he's talking on the phone, maybe it's his mom telling him that he's too good for her and that he should dump her right now!, oh never mind he just hung up. (GASP) The bird is˜leaving˜the nest, i repeat the bird is leaving the nest! (beat) Sigh you take all the fun out of this spy stuff i mean hes coming out side. Wait what's he doing. (gasp) HE'S COMING THIS WAY!!! (panicked) Quick i need a distraction! ( picks up keys) goodbye keys ( throws keys) (beat) Yes! I think i hit his girlfriend! (beat) He's still coming this way!! (beat) Uh oh...(falls out of tree) Ahhh!

(scrambles off the ground) Look natural, look natural Oh i have an idea,( takes marker out of pocket) huh well what do you know, the fortune cookie was right, it is useful to keep makers in you pocket.( draws mustache on finger, and puts finger under nose) There he is... Oh hey hows it going (beat) why do i have a mustache, why don't youuu have a mustache? (beat) Why am i outside your house? Why aren't youuu outside your house? Oh yeah you are....(beat) Why am i here? Well you see it's just..... she wears short skirts and I wear t-shirts, She's cheer captain and- yeah yeah yeah i know shes not, don't interrupt me i'm in the middle of a scene, and I'm on the bleachers, i've Dreaming bout the day when you'd wake up and realise That what you're looking for has been here the whole time. Been here all along. So why can't you see You belong with me.. why am i quoting Taylor Swift? I dont know! Why aren't youuu quoting Taylor Swift? (beat) What am i really doing here? Well, ummm, uhhh.... Why do you have to date her? she's so out of your league, i mean look at her lying there all deformed, and now look at me(strikes pose)..... oh that's your cousin, and she's staying with you, since her mom's in the hospital? Ohhhhh, well then, let's just pretend that this never happened, oh and while you're at it you might wanna ignore all the anonymous texts i've been sending you anonymously about how she lives under a bridge and shaves her back every day........ I've gotta go see ya! (walks past cousin on ground) Oh and by the way i am sooo sorry! i would never have thrown that key into your eye if i'd known you were his cousin, buuut on the bright side when you go to the hospital maybe you'll get a room next to your mom! Bye. (walks away) Riiiiight (turns around) my house is this way. ( walks off stage).

Comedy Type:

Script Length: 2.5m
Humor Type:
Post date: Fri, 03/15/2013 - 12:53
Script Market: Public

Copyright Statement

Author's Message

Totally available for everyone, and no need to ask, and good luck on whatever you decide to use this for!

Productions



Comments

   

HI (not verified)
Would it be alright with you, Eve, if I utilized this script for an audition? :)

PerksofBeingMe (not verified)
Hey Eve I was looking for a funny Monolouge and I found this one and thought it was PERFECT and was wondering if I could use it for my schools theatre team auditions reply soon thanks ????

Imthelordunicorn
@HI and PerksofBeingMe sure you can use it thanks for asking

Rainfire
wow that is hilarious how did you come up with that, you really have a talent you should create more

Cierra (not verified)
Hi this monologue is so funny and you are very talented. Do u mind if I use it? Is so can you please tell me who to credit it to? First name and last?

Imthelordunicorn
@Robyn thanks so much i'm uploading another one soon. @Ceirra thanks so much and yes you can use it umm just say by Eve. A. S thanks again

Susy (not verified)
Hey this is really good and I wanna do this one for speech, but I need a last name for the author, so if you don't want to use your real last name could you at least give me a fake one or something? Thank you :)

Imthelordunicorn
@Susy just go to my page adn it has my last name and good luck on the speech

Lilly Bretton (not verified)
hey all you monolouges are really good and I'm looking for one to use and I thought this was the best so can I use or do I have to become friends with yuo or something?

Cassie Lorrine (not verified)
Hey can I use this one and your Harry Potter one, it's for a drama thing and I'm pretty sure this is just the thing my drama teacher is looking for

Imthelordunicorn
@Lilly Bretton and : Cassie Lorrine sure you can use it.

IsabellaYouRock
Can I use this for my Musical Production Monologue final please

Imthelordunicorn
@IsabellaYouRock of course you can use I wish you the best of luck

Sammie (not verified)
Hey! for my drama final i have to perform a monologue, i dont really like any of her monologues that she offered us, SOOO im a real jokester, and i thought this would be PERFECT for me (: thanks for letting me now (please respond soon)

Imthelordunicorn
@ Sammie. Sure you can use it. I performed this to my class and they liked it. ( probably cuz im a wierdo and every one thought this was a good art for me)

Eliana (not verified)
THIS IS HILARIOUS!!!! I was literally cracking up while reading this! (: Can I PLEASE borrow this for an in-class performance? It's fantastic! (:

Imthelordunicorn
Eliana of course you can use I'm very happy you find it so funny, I wish you the best of luck

Valentina (not verified)
Hey! I wanted to ask, I loved your monologue and wanted to use it for an audition! Please let me know quickly.

lucy (not verified)
Heey eve, I'm just wondering if I could use this monologue for my drama performance as I love it :-)

Imthelordunicorn
@ Valentina and lucy, Sure you can use thanx for asking :)

Alli (not verified)
Hey could I use this ? Im trying out for my school play and I looovee this !

mabridges96
Hey Eve, I love this monolgue would it be okay with you if I used it for my Speech tournament? Also, does it happen to be published? Thanks!

Imthelordunicorn
@mabridges96 Sure! you can use this, thanx for asking. Good luck on ur tournament:) :)

fetchingdecafe
Hello Eve! May I use this for a school auditioning? If I could that would be great, thanks!

Imthelordunicorn
Of course you can use it thanx for asking :)

aislinn (not verified)
Hello! I found this monologue and thought it would be perfect to audition with for a talent agent, may i use it? Please and thank you!:)

Kenna (not verified)
this is SO funny can I use this?

Imthelordunicorn
@aislinn & kenna sure you can use this thax for asking:)

Alex (not verified)
Is it okay if I use this for an audition, this is perfect

Ryan Johnson (not verified)
Hey Eve could I please use this script for my GCSE BETC piece. I would be very thank full. Thanks Ryan

Imthelordunicorn
@Alex & Ryan Johnson. Of course you can use it! Good luck to you both :)

Jolize Frank (not verified)
Hi my name is Jolize Frank and I wanted to know if i could use your monolgue which is really great for an upcoming audition

SmileforHemmings (not verified)
Hey, can I possibly use this monologue for my drama assignment? Thanks :)

Bryson (not verified)
Hey, Eve, my Speech and Debate teacher assigned me this monologue for an HI (humorous interpretation) project. I was wondering, if it was okay with you, if I could make some changes to the monologue to better fit the performance.

Imthelordunicorn
@ Jolize, SmileforHemmings, sure you can use it! Good luck!

Imthelordunicorn
@ Bryson Sure you can use it. Good Luck!

Heather F (not verified)
is this from a play or is this just a monologue?

Tee (not verified)
Hey Eve please can i use your story for my english project btw its really good and its hilarious

Imthelordunicorn
@Heather F it's just a monologue i wrote @Tee sure you can use it! Just be sure to credit me for it :)

Acton high (not verified)
Hey Eve! I came a cross this monologue, and wanted to use it for a school play night... Just wanted to make sure that's still okay :)

Imthelordunicorn
@Acton high yup it's okay:) Good luck!

itskelly
Hi Eve, would i be able to use this parts of this monologue for my drama assignment? it really helped spark a light in my creative mind. I won;t forgot to reference you as the writer.

itskelly
Hi Eve, would i be able to use this parts of this monologue for my drama assignment? it really helped spark a light in my creative mind. I won;t forget to reference you as the writer.

C. Burrows (not verified)
I love this, it is just fantastic! I was wondering if I could use this as part of an audition for an up coming musical?

KJKnukem (not verified)
Can i use this for my schools speech meet

k (not verified)
can I use your monologue for an audition

Imthelordunicorn
Yes, yes, and yes! You all can use it. Good luck!

Emelia (not verified)
Hi!! I ABSOLUTELY Love this piece!! Do you mind if I use it? I am starting JV forensics this year and I think it would be a WoNdErFuL piece to start the year on!

Ashlee (not verified)
Hi I love this funny piece....I just have one question...may I use this piece..we have our speech contest pretty soon and I was wondering if I could use this...let me know soon

Imthelordunicorn
@Ashlee Of course you can use it, good luck!

2.5m Comedy Monologues - STAKEOUT (gone wrong)