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(2.5m)   by restisaweapon

Comedy Monologues   (212606 Views 135 Comments)

Community, getting together , having fun.

We used to have parties, or just hang out lots.

But more and more we're gettin together on our computers
I understand, it's easy,

You don't have to get dressed up, do your hair or take a shower.
You just sit your stinky butt down in front of your computer.
Post that younger looking picture of yourself
And there you are, Networking. Out on the NET
What is Networking anyway?

A few years ago we all faked like we knew what that was.

?Network? Oh ya. Uh, which is your favourite? I kinda like CBS?
But none of us really knew how to do it.

Facebook came along like 'Networking for Dummies'.

They made it easy. You join up, add some friends

And if you don't really have any, don't worry.

Facebook's got it covered.

I've managed to get a bunch of nice friends

From that helpful little side bar Facebook calls "Suggested friends".

These aren't people you know already.
They're for people like me, who don't have many friends;
The Suggested friends column is like my 'Friend of the week'

How did they get to be friend of the week anyway?
I'll bet they pay!!!!!
I wonder how much I'd have to pay to be friend of the week?
And Now there's Twitter... just as good a name as Facebook.
They're all weird names Linkdin, Facebook, Twitter, Yahooooo!

Facebook makes a bit of sense though, cuz everybody's got a face.
But is everybody a Twit? ...*scan the audience*.... yeah Maybe.
But why make a social network out of Twits?
And is Twitter serving up a "Twit of the week"?

I hope so if they plan to keep up.
Cuz some of my Facebook buddies have like 500 or more friends.
Pages and pages of people they've clicked that "Comfirm as a friend" button to.
Well I'm sorry, but that's too stressful for me

Most Facebook friend requests are a no win situation in my book

Like, a request will come in from someone I don't know all that well

I'm looking at their face wondering? Do I know you?
Then I start thinking... would I want this person thinking we're friends now?
What if they start calling me up to go for coffee?
You see?! Now that would be awkward.
But just as stressful, is clicking the ignore button.
Cuz now you've offended some wacko, who's gonna be calling you up to ask why.
Or maybe showing up at your work place causing a scene.

?WHY?!!.... WHY NOT ME?!!!!!As Security drags them off.

Could happen.

And Facebook only gives you the two choices, Confirm or Ignore

Twitter sucks too! they don't even ask you.

No friend requests, no hello my name is...

Comedy Type:

Script Length: 2.5m
Humor Type: Friendly
Post date: Sat, 05/30/2009 - 18:02
Script Market: Private

Comedy Scene: 1 Person

Copyright Statement

Author's Message

connects really well to Texting I always perform texting attached to the end of Facebook




Mark (not verified)
haha, that is hell good. can i use that for a school drama night?

sure mark have fun. Don

Janey (not verified)
Amazing monologue. You're very talented.

Ben (not verified)
great monologue man

Ash (not verified)
Would you mind if I used your Facebook Monologue for my audition? Or can you recommend anything else that is modern and funny that would go down well with the judges?

Oh Restisaweapon=Don McDonald

Sunjit (not verified)
Hey Don. I like the monologue that you wrote. Do you mind if I used it for school?

Sure Sunjit, Let me know how it goes over. K?

Candice (not verified)
Can I use this for the talent competition at our local pageant for senior girls?

giovhanna (not verified)
this was great can i use this as my h.i. for debate??

Jessica (not verified)
Hey Don. Would this be good to use as a thing on youtube?

Hey Jessica, Yes I plan on videoing some of my stand up comedy soon. I started with writing, had a bunch more stuff on this site. Then wife and friends said I needed to do these pieces myself, so I removed all my others except this one. So yes utube will see my stuff soon. Don

ariel (not verified)
Hey, can I use this monologue for my gr 11 drama class?

Don McDonald (not verified)
sure ariel, let me know how it goes. Don

allix (not verified)
i love this! can i use it for my school pageant?

Don McDonald (not verified)
Sure allix have some fun with it. Let me know how it goes over. Don

..... (not verified)
hey guess ill use it for my oral test..i hope thats fine with u

Don McDonald (not verified)
..... that's a nice name. It must be easy to sign documents and stuff hey? Can I call you Dot for short? Anyway, Dot, hope you pass that oral. don

Melissa (not verified)
Wow. This Is So Funny ! I Love It . (: Mind If I Use It To Preform For My Drama Class ?

Sure Melissa, I'm glad you like it. Have fun, Don

absolutely hilarious, i would love to use this to read on my video i'm sending home to my wife, i haven't seen her in two months since ive been deployed

Morgan (not verified)
Oh my god! That was amazing! And actually exactly what I have been looking for! Would you mind if I use that for my audition!?

Sure Morgan! Knock em dead. But join ictv, and add me as a friend and it will allow you to see the rest of the script (there's more). Oh, and I like to put the script 'Texting' right at the end of it. They fit so well together. Don peace, I mean "over and out"

itachikari (not verified)
hey, can i use this? please?

sure itachlkari but to get a look at the whole script you need to add me as a friend then look at the files on my page to see the rest of the script. Don

alyssa Z. (not verified)
hey, that was so funny, can i use this for my audition?

Hi alyssa yes you can use it. You may want to see the rest of the script though. To do that you'll need to add me as a friend first. Don

Angie Kregg (not verified)
This was the answer to my monologue prayers!! I had such a hard time finding a great modern monologue that had not been overused, and then a google search led me to this. Would you mind if I used this for a theatre college scholarship audition? I would love to use this piece.

Sure Angie, to get full access to the complete script you'll need to join icomedytv then add me as a friend. After that you'll be able to see the complete script on my page here at icomedytv under the "my files" tab. Don

Liz (not verified)
Mr.McDonald, you are a genius!!!!! This piece is hilarious! I love it, it would be perfect for my "dramatic monologue" reading I have to do for my collgege speech class, if it's ok with you, may I use it? Thank you for sharing this with all of us! Hope you keep going with hilarious stuff like this! You are definetely very very gifted!

Thank You Liz

Jeremy (not verified)
Can I use this for a performance? Pweetty please?

Hi Jeremy, yes you can as long as the performance is amateur and not professional. Pwetty please

hennah nierva (not verified)
hi!!! i really like your work...can i please use it...please...

don, may i use this for a speech for public speaking, if so i sent you the friend request. thanks.

hi i would love to use this for a school project would you mind? -Libby

liviray1818 (not verified)
hey Don!!! i love this sooo much! its absolutely hilarious! would you mind if i were to use it for forensics?

Forensics? Like crime scene stuff? Anyway to see the full script you need to join ictv and then become my friend. To become my friend you have to say something nice like.....Oh yeah you already said something nice. Ok we can be friends then. ;=)

May I use this for school?

rian (not verified)
that's good monologue

I added you (and made an account...) just so I could see the rest of this monologue. So, haha, don't be too creeped out by me. ^^

This is hilarious!!! You're really good at these! Can i please use this for my drama class? Ohhh... also can u please add me as a friend.

suvarnamala (not verified)

Mingda (not verified)
this is great!! may i use this for my next drama performance?

Hi Mingda, I always give permission for my scripts to be used by auditioning actors and drama students in any amateur applications. I reserve any professional applications for myself though. So where do you fit in? Don

Mingda (not verified)
Its only for a school play/assessment

Okay Minda, you have the permission. To read the full script you need to join ictv and become my friend (like facebook)

Kay (not verified)
This was great! I hope you wouldn't mind if I used it for a high-school drama club audition. I'll be sure to credit you~ I'm pretty sure that they wanted one from a play or movie, but this was too great to pass up.

jessica (not verified)
mind if i use this for forensics? i just need to be able to see the whole thing. thanks!

Kay and Jessica, yes you can use the script for you audition/drama class. ;) Don

Great monologue Don. Very funny. Mind if I use this for a presentation in my public speaking class?

Hey Don. Love this monlogue may i use this for my drama class performance?

TimC (not verified)
hey i would love to use your monologue for a video class of mine i will give you credit for the script. thanks

Julia (not verified)
I am auditioning for our school play Persephone and we need to do a monologue, can I please use this?? I have been looking for weeks and this is by far the best one I've found.

Hi Julia, sure you can. You need to add me as a friend, I'll accept, then you'll have access to the full version of the script when you look at my Comedy Zone page under the tab "my files" Thanks Don

Hi Don, Its real fun reading your monologue ...could i use it for my drama class tomorrow? I have sent you a friend request as Angelmary....Thank you

Simon (not verified)
Hi Don, do u mind if i use this for declamation?

qwerty (not verified)
maa ke lavde ....madarchod bhosdike ..teri behen ko chod donga agar agali baar se aise skit dega

I'd love to read the full script! This is so good!

chelsea2911 (not verified)
Hiya Please may i use ur awesome script on an ameteur level. I will make nothing off it- just for fun. Please

Saddles (not verified)
my musical threatre teacher got this for me so i could to it in front of the class we all loved it can u do one about horses plz it would really help i have to find one for saturday thank u

Sorry Saddles, Can't write a quality piece that quickly :-(

Hi Don, Once again please can I use your script. It will be on a completely ameteur level. Please.

Kay (not verified)
Hello, Don. I've been looking at all of your pieces and I really enjoyed this one along with 'Cell Phones'. I'm wondering if you'd allow me to use this piece as a Forensics monologue for a solo acting--humorous piece or cell phones... Thanks much.

Kay (not verified)
Actually, pardon me on Cell phones.... that had been another piece I read prior to writing that. I just wasn't thinking. Sorry about that. However, all of your monologues are amazingly done but this one really hit me and I'd love it if you'd let me use it. Again, sorry for the confusion.

jared onley (not verified)
Hello, Don. I was wondering if i can use the facebook community monologue for my advanced acting class?

Jeffrey (not verified)
Hey, Don I was wondering if I could use this ACSI, and my english class.

Jeffrey, if your english teacher saw that sentence what would he/she say? ;-) What the heck is ACSI? Anyway sure you can use it. To see the full version you'll have to add me as a friend. When I accept a tab will appear on my profile page called MY FILES

Hey Don would it be okay if I used this piece for my forencis competition? Last time I got your permission to use The Weather Network and I placed 2nd. Please tell me your thoughts Sir.

json (not verified)
sir, can i use ur piece at school? im looking for a piece for a while now. and i found yours. so may i sir?

Sure you can json. I always give permission for students and auditioning actors. You need to become a member of ictv, then friend request me to get access to the full version of it. Don

My face hurts from smiling. I've never laughed so much before. This is amazing! Is there any way I could use this piece and "Texting" for a talent show at school?

Andrea (not verified)
Hii can i use this for a competion in my school?

Hi Paul, Yes school competitions are Ok for use. I just reserve any professional uses for myself. Don

You too Andrea

First off let me say that you are ingenius and you have a really creative mind! :D Anyway, I just want to get the green light to use this for my upcoming forensic meet, "Facebook" really brakes the ice unlike all the boring, dreadfully long debate speeches all my friends are doing... This will actually be entertaining. I added you as a friend to get the full version. Thank you so much!!!! ;) ~Isaiah~

Calvin (not verified)
Cool. This is like the best monologue I've ever read, and it just made my day. Thanks Don. Can I use it for my oral assessment?

Rachel (not verified)
wow This monologue is great!!!! I luv it !! Can I use your monologue for my school work??

Sophia Stoldt
This is great! Can I use it for my assignment in school?

Vance (not verified)
Hey this is great can i use it for my school?

Jason (not verified)
Great script Don! Would you mind if I used it for my talent show tomorrow?

Elliot (not verified)
Wow! Great monolugue, your talented man! Hey do you mind if I use this for my drama exam at school?

sure, school use is fine with me

Hey this is what im looking for can i use a couple of these for college please? :D

I would love to use this in my college communcations class. i just friend requested you, thanks.

hey, can i please use this for school? this is a great script.

sofia (not verified)
it is gr8 pls can i use it 4 skl comedy play

Don Mcdonald (not verified)
Sure you need to become my friend to see the full version.

Cool (not verified)
Funny! Can I perform this for my theatre class??

Sure but you need to become my friend to view the full script. Don

Hi Don, My English class is having a monologue competition and this would be perfect. Can I please use it? Thanks.

Sure Adrianna have fun with it. Don

maddi (not verified)
i have to do a monologue for my theater project may i please use this

Don Mcdonald (not verified)
Sure Maddi have fun with it!

I have a speech contest coming up and I was thinking of using your monologue. May I please use it?

Amazing monologue. Is it alright if I use it for a final in my Drama class?

Hey Don could I possibly use this monologue for an audition? It's great and exactly what am looking for :) Thanks

Kory Cameron (not verified)
Funny and true monologue!!! Can i use it for a pagent???

Brian M (not verified)
Awesome monologue and its so true its not even funny. Can i use this for class

This is very true and funny! May I please use it for a speech presentation for my class?

Naquelle (not verified)
Hey. this is very true & funny .. this is perfect for my theatre final. can i use this pleeeeeeeaaaaasssssssseeeee ?

Don (not verified)
Yes Naquelle, you can you will need to join the site and become my friend on the site to have access to the full version. Don

madison gpmez (... (not verified)
good work halarious

May I please use this for a school monologue assignment, please?

sara_129 (not verified)
Is 'No friend requests, no hello my name is???' the last line of this monologue or is there more? i would really like to use the whole thing for my school monologue presentation... thank you !

may i use this for my acting class please? thanks, riley

that was so funny, can i use this for my audition?

hey! I love this!!:D could i use it for my speech class?:)

Hi I like this one too!! I really want something funny that will win the audition panel over! can you suggest anything else? may I please use this? thanks!

James Brotherton (not verified)
Hey Don, Just wandering im doing an audition for Dick whittington next week and was wandering can I maybe steal this to use for my monologue? Its great for my character and I fell in love with it as soon as I read it :)

James you need to join the website and friend me to be able to see the whole script. I give permission for any nonprofessional uses (auditions and school work are OK) Don

michelle ayo (not verified)
this is good,may i use it for pre-final exam if ok?

Kyle Rabosa (not verified)
sir, can i use ur piece for school recitation??

Yes Kyle you can, but you need to become a member of the site, then add me as a friend to be able to see the full version of Facebook. Don

slim (not verified)
hey may i use ur script for college stage show :)

Hi slim, Sure I always give permission for any student, auditioning actor or non-professional uses. I just reserve any professional applications for myself. You need to join the site and friend me to get the full version. Don

safa (not verified)
can i please please use this

Sure I always give permission for any student, auditioning actor or non-professional uses. I just reserve any professional applications for myself. You need to join the site and friend me to get the full version. don

Hi Don, Your'e piece is brilliant! May I perform it for an assessment task? Thanks in advance!

May I please perform this for a talent show and have it filmed? The video will give you credit.

Hello Don! I just think that you are a talented and BRILLIANT writer. I am looking for a couple monologues as I was just signed with an acting agency. You're scripts are the best on the web and I would LOVE to have the honor of reading them! Would you mind helping out this 12 year old boy please? :). Have a nice day!

samantha (not verified)
Hi Don I love ur script is it ok if I use this for drama

samantha (not verified)

Mithil Prasad (not verified)
Can I please use this for a forensics meet??????

Hello Don, May i use this piece for my acting channel on youtube? Thank you

Krishnan (not verified)
Can I use this for a school drama words eve.

Roberto (not verified)
Great article.

Hey, Can I use this for my drama assignment and is there a way I could get the full version, it is sooo good. Thanks

Would I be allowed to use this for my HSC performance.

troisha (not verified)
Could I please use this for a competition I'm in?

Hope Michael (not verified)
Hi Don! I really love this monologue as it clearly demonstrates my idea in a variety of ways, which is the impact social media has on adolescents in todays society... leading to ignorant behaviour, narcissism, and exposing young ones to danger. Can I please use this monologue for my HSC piece? It would be really appreciated :)

Hi Hope, yes you can just join and friend me to view the full version. Don

hey ....can i use it for my speech?

Oh gosh its really a good monologue. Can I please use it for my drama function m having for the small kids . Sir it would be very kind of u .

hello, Don I am a Liberian and i love doing comedy and i really enjoy ur scripts. I am Kindly asking you to please write me few that i can act and produce. All credits will be given to you for the story. my email is:

1 Person 2.5m Comedy Monologues - Facebook