McDonalds Anti-Banter

McDonalds Anti-Banter

(1.5m)   by JohnnyK

Comedy Monologues   (19862 Views 2 Comments)

I hate going to fast food joins. They're all the same. No one ever has to ask where the toilet is in a Macdos. They go "Excuse me Ma'am, can I help you?" No thanks I've been here before, I know the score. I wait in that queue over there behind that geez who's been staring at the menu for 10 minutes and still can't make up his mind. To then be served by stuttery Steph who is definitely going to give me tea even though I ordered coffee and to finish it off I'm going to sit in that quiet corner, to be joined by a nippy toddler thing on a sugar high and enjoy my double cheeseburger and tea even though I wanted a chicken deluxe meal and a coffee!. Poor old woman only asked if I wanted a hand.

Clearly I was experiencing some sort of existential crisis that day, but it's hard not to when you live in this world of smart phones and free wifi. It's getting bad. Honestly I was sitting in a cafe the other week and a group of kids, around 9 or 10 years old and every single one of them were staring at there screens like some sort of˜pre-pubesint zombie clan. One of them even had the newest Phone, what 10 year old child needs a 600 quid phone! I wasn't even allowed out in white trainers incase they got wrecked (600 f**cking sterling pounds).

Or I was sitting in the G.P waiting room, waiting to see my doctor (obviously I wasn't there to spectate) there was also an elderly couple,˜a mother with her son and staff in the waiting room. The little boy was no more than 4 and was playing games on his mum's smart phone... AND THEN...IT DIED! A waiting˜room full of people and no one was prepered for this hissy fit that was thrown, like he fliiiipped out!. Full on bat shit crazy, lost it! When I was his age I just sat in the corner and played with that odd toy in the corner, you know the one? The toy that's in every GP. Ohhh look I can move it this way, and back, and that way, and back! Brilliant fun!

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Author's Message

Hello, I am a comedy enthusiast and I am looking for critical feedback and editing tips, Many Thanks! Louise

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Submitted by Emily (not verified) on Tue, 05/31/2016 - 10:49
This is fantastic! It is very funny to read and perform! Keep up the good work :)
Submitted by Kevin (not verified) on Wed, 09/14/2016 - 01:37
Really needs more. Anyone can point at a weird thing we all do and say "eh?". make it funny though.

1.5m Comedy Monologues - McDonalds Anti-Banter